


The New Amendment

by Caroaimezoe



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2012), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, F/M, M/M, Threats of Rape/Non-Con, Turtlecest, Underwear Kink
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-18
Updated: 2019-04-04
Packaged: 2019-06-29 06:47:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 13
Words: 49,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15724128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caroaimezoe/pseuds/Caroaimezoe
Summary: How far will you be ready to go for a second chance? For Raphael, lying was not a big deal to earn Leo's friendship.Not a dark story, despite the warning.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Not a dark story (well, not that much)  
> HUMAN AU (They are turtles at first)

Raphael was staring absently at the bus, which was to take him to the other end of the country and put everything behind him. As he did, he thought again about the events that had occurred five months earlier, of the final fight against Super-Shredder.

Their father, Leo, and he had been the only ones still standing against the Shredder, who had been threatening the city. Donnie had gone with Mikey, who had been hurt quite badly. Shredder had kicked him and Leo, throwing them over twenty-five feet in a single blow. Raph, less hurt than his big brother, had felt his T-Phone vibrate.

It hadn’t really been the moment, but if someone was calling him right then, he knew it must have been damn urgent.

Raph had flicked the flap on his T-phone, seeing the text was from Donnie. If anyone at that moment would not be having a laugh, it would be him, given he had been busy stopping Michelangelo's bleeding last Raph knew. Raph had opened the message. It was only two words.

‘Run away!’

Raph had raised his head, panicked. Leo was standing up, paying no attention to his T-phone, as he went help their father, who was still fighting on the other side of the throne room.

He had grabbed Leo by the arm, to pull him toward him, his eyes wild, too paralyzed by anguish to form a single word. But Leo had not understood, screaming at him to let go, and pulling in the opposite direction to the exit, their survival, trying to rejoin their Sensei.

Raph had done the only thing he could.

With a right-hook, he had knocked the leader out. He had picked up the unconscious form in his arms and run to the exit.

He had barely made it out the main entrance when the bomb went off. He had covered Leo's body with his, in order to avoid further injuries to his brother as much as possible, given they were still in the blast radius.

A block had fallen on him though, smashing his carapace, and he had lost consciousness.

He had woken up in the hospital. Not the infirmary of Don's laboratory. A real hospital, with real nurses leaning toward him without screaming. He had looked at himself. He was still a turtle, though. A horrible mutant. So what the heck?

His first question had been where was he, because he could not believe it was true. But upon realising no one seemed afraid that he could speak, he had asked where the others ‘like him’ were, and if he had smashed his head on the concrete or had hallucinogenic drugs.

They had replied that he was hurt badly, and had been unconscious for two days, but was only taking regular morphine. They had also informed him that one of his brothers was about to come looking for him.

Relieved, Raph had stopped asking questions, letting himself be pampered by pretty women. Several important people had come to congratulate him, as had Donnie and Mikey.

He had asked Don about Leo right away the first day, needing to know if Leonardo was fine and had been told he was in mourning. At this, Raph had felt a stab of guilt. Of course, their father was dead. Raph had failed to save both of them.

But after ten days, he had noticed he had yet to see Leo.

Raph had asked, with more insistence, whether their eldest brother was alright and why he had not see him yet. They were all morning their father. Leonardo might have been the closest to their father, but Raph was still his brother and had been hurt saving Leo's ass.

“Leo... He’s still in shock,” Donnie had tried to explain before trying to change the subject. “But did you see the news, Raph? A new amendment will be proposed for the recognition of mutant rights, to be equal to the human citizens. If it is ratified by two-thirds of…”

“What do you mean by shock, Donnie? It’s been more than a week since I’ve been here! Ya tellin’ me he’s been ‘in shock’ this whole time. How long will this ‘shocked state’ last? Is... Fearless furious with me?”

Deep embarrassment was on Donatello's face as Mikey jumped from one foot to the other.

“Dude, it's not that!” Mikey had insisted. “You know, Leo being the leader, he had to meet the mayor of the city, the chief of police, the governor of the state. He is constantly harassed by journalists. Leo is in mourning and is coping very badly with all this…”

“Outdoor solicitation,” Donnie had completed.

“Too shocked to see his brother, but not to flirt with fame, right?” Raph had snapped. “I still saved the ungrateful jerk’s life!”

More uncomfortable than ever, Donnie had continued.

“About that, Raph. When I said ‘Run’... “ Don had stammered, struggling to find the most diplomatic words. ”Of course, I understand that maybe Leo being closer to you, and being pressed for time, and on adrenaline, you thought a choice had to be made and…”

“Fearless is furious because I chose him over Master Splinter?” Raph had asked incredulously, his eyes wide in the face of his brother’s horrible revelation.

Mikey and Don looked at each other stealthily but said nothing.

Raising his arms in the air, without worrying about his wounds, in a gesture of anger, Raph had started shouting.

“It doesn’t mean anything! He has to understand! Leo and I were closer to the door! He was within arm’s reach. Ya said to run away, without further details. I acted on instinct, in a rush of adrenaline! Master Splinter was in full battle, I would have lost time! Ya know him, Don, he would not have fled the fight, any damn way! Leo neither! But I could never have knocked Master Splinter out and carried him on my shoulders like I did with Fearless. And if I did, what would I have done with Leo? I couldn’t carry them both! Leo, the stubborn bastard didn’t want to follow! Should I have let him die?”

Raph, indignant, had been trembled with rage by then and Donnie had put a reassuring hand on Raph.

“No, of course. Over time, Leo's grief will fade and he will understand.”

This reply had felt like salt in a wound.

The next day, the hospital had finally allowed him to leave. Furious by that point, Raph had left the hospital and gonet to live with Casey.

The state had granted a life annuity to the four brothers for services. And Raph learned that each of them would receive $50,000 annually, in monthly payments. It was not enough to have a completely carefree life, but enough for them not to live in misery, and significantly more than they had ever had. With even a part-time job, they would be alright.

Raph had learned the whole thing from Donnie.

They had been offered medals too, but he hadn’t gone to the ceremony. It was not a piece of metal that he wanted.

Night after night, Raph, who was finally able to go out without fear of someone panicking at his appearance, or else the remonstrances of Leo, had been haunting the bars and clubs with his friend Casey. Raph’s age was indeterminable to human eyes, so no one could guess he was only 17 and a half years old. And anyway, all doors opened for the city’s hero of the day.

Casey had also taken advantage of this popularity. Girls were all over Raph, attracted by his fame or just curious to know the secret’s of his foreign body. Raph could not tell the reason for sure, but he’d appreciated the attention regardless. And Casey had found himself popular simply by association.

Drinking, smoking, and fucking all he wanted, Raph couldn’t believe how satisfied he was during the first month after he left the hospital, where he had been for two weeks.

By December 20, the streets had been lit up in anticipation of Christmas, the ultimate family celebration and the next day was the birthday of the youngest brother.

They all celebrated their mutation day on September 29th, but each of them had a birthday following the equinoxes and solstices as well. Leo would turn eighteen on March 21st, being considered the eldest. Raph celebrated his birthday on June 21th and Don’s was almost the same time of year as their mutation day on September 21st.

So it was Mikey's birthday and Raph had been fantasizing about it for days, thinking it the perfect opportunity to see Leonardo again. He had heard nothing from him, and his absence weighed on him. While walking the cold streets of New York, Raph had thought on how, without the good influence of Leo, he was lost. The day before, he had drunk copiously to the point that he had been asked to leave the bar. A fight had ensued and Raph had been anything but proud of himself.

He had been desperate to make amends to Leo, no matter what it took. He needed and missed him.

He had been looking in a shop window, wondering what buying to Mikey. He had finally had money, real money, and Mikey was finally going to have something that hadn’t come from a dump. Though, the cash had already been scarce.

He’d received around $4000 monthly since November 1st, the day of the explosion, and wasn’t going to receive his next check until January 1st. Which had left him with just $300 for ten days, if he spent $100 on Mikey’s gift like he had intended. He’s known then he had to calm down with the money. Even though he lived for free at Case's, he had to at least provide enough to pay for his share of the groceries. But he’d never had money before and so did not know how to save.

When he lived under Leonardo’s control again, it would be alright, he’d thought with a small smile.

He’d noticed with exasperation that people still stared at him. Mutants were not a new thing and so he’d wondered why all the glances. But suddenly a detail had caught his attention in the newsagents. On the cover of the newspaper... it was him. He was dead drunk and bickering with the bouncer. Shame had swept over him in that moment, like a cold shower, and his heart had stopped beating for a moment, thinking of Leonardo.

Leo read the newspaper daily, as well as watching the news on TV. The oh so honorable Leo had been petrified of being shamed because of his younger brother. Humans did not distinguish them without their bandanas, not paying attention to differences in their skin tones or even to their size or eye color. For them, all mutant turtles looked alike. So Leo or any of his brothers could be pointed at and accused of Raphael's vile behavior.

Ashen, he’d decided there would be no purchase for Mikey that night and Raph had returned home. He’d remained shut up at Casey’s until the New Year, the time that it took for the news to become obsolete. However, he had not been alone. Raphael had now a girlfriend named Samantha shortly before the incident that made the headlines.

Their relationship, which lasted only for three weeks, had already been a jagged one. At first Raphael had seen no harm in paying for his girlfriend’s drinks, but her desire for clothes, jewelry, and other gifts had been boring to him. Raph, having never owned anything and carrying practically nothing on him, did not see the interest. In addition, he had set a goal to buy a motorcycle, to be able to drive with the whole country in summer, and so he could not stay with a woman who drew more than a quarter of his income.

Anyway, he had grown disgusted with women. They slept with him out of unhealthy curiosity or kept him out of interest. He never lined up in the clubs and although he was not wealthy, he had more resources than many young men when they were still minors.

So, after an argument, where Samantha had denigrated him quite aggressively, they had broken up rather violently, and at her refusal to leave, Raph, enraged and drunk had pushed her out, causing her to fall into the nearest snowdrifts.

Immediately he had frozen and cursed his impulsive gesture.

Standing outside, had stood Leonardo, eyes enlarged with horror, watching the drunken girl try to get up on her own as she continued screaming insults against Raphael. Leo had regained his grip on reality and reached out to help the drunken girl get up, as courteously as possible. But she had pushed him away furiously.

“Don’t touch me, monster. You are all the same. Beasts! You only think about fucking! You are all just brutes and drunks!”

In that moment, if stuffing the girl’s mouth with snow wouldn’t have made his situation worse, Raph would have done it; even if she could have died of it.

Overwhelmed by shame, he had watched her leave, even as she continued to rain insults down upon both him and Leonardo, while the polar gaze of his brother had landed on him. Raph had opened his mouth, not knowing where to start to justify himself.

“Well, I came to invite you to join us for New Year Eve,” Leo had said coldly then. “We didn’t see you on Mikey's birthday or Christmas, except of course on the front page of the gossip magazines. But I think it was a bad idea. Mikey and Donnie told me that freedom would change you, that all these years your bad decisions and your anger resulted from a lack of choice, possibility, freedom. Your behavior harms the image of our family and even that of all mutants. Don, Mikey and I already all have jobs, and are trying to integrate and be useful and proper citizens. As usual, I will try to correct your mistakes and wash clean the honor of our family. You will be free to do as you wish. I’m leaving.”

“Leaving? Where?” Raph had been too stunned to say anything else.

“I leave on military service in a few weeks, for a special training. I won’t be back for 30 months, at least.”

“Leo, that's madness!” Raph had exclaimed. “You've never held a gun in your life and you're only seventeen! You can do something else, right? Why not study at university, take the time to figure it out!”

“I prefer to serve my country than to drink and have sex. Farewell, Raph. And get a grip.”

And Raph had remained, his feet in the snow and his heart shattered. He had not spoken or seen any of his brothers until the announcement in the newspaper in early March.

They had been looking for one or more mutants to test a product which could supposed change the genetic code and transform mutants into humans.

By then Raph had wanted nothing more than to go incognito again. To him his carapace had seemed to be the heaviest and most cumbersome thing in the world in recent weeks. Although the list of his lovers had been getting longer, he had wanted nothing more than to stay in the shadows and far, far away from New York.

Despite the ratifications of the amendment, some southern states had been more recalcitrant to accept mutants living freely among them, but Raphael had no longer wanted to live in a city that reminded him every day of his past. Instead he had decided to go to the other side of the country, to an environment as arid as his heart.

He’d believed that as a Human he would be accepted more quickly and that he would be able to fade into the populace. He was never going to be an embarrassment to anyone again.

But even if the antidote didn’t work, Raph had no longer given a damn because the position of guinea pig paid a very attractive salary.

Raphael had been broke again by then and Casey’s father had threatened to kick the mutant out if he could not pay, and he owed almost the entirety of the check he had collected two days earlier. He really had to find a job, but at seventeen, without a degree or license, or anything, it was almost impossible. He could have maybe kissed asses to get something, like his brothers probably had, but he had been far too proud for that.

On March 4th, at 9 o'clock, he had found himself in front of the Chelona Industries laboratory.

He’d had the procedure explained to him, that he would undergo tests for a week and that he should remain under observation for six more weeks after that. Raph had shrugged. It would be almost two months without worrying about the money, and more given the monetary compensation that went with it. Raph could leave the east coast without much problem.

He had been set up in a huge apartment, where everything had been arranged for his well-being, even fitness facilities and he was made to choose what he wanted to eat during his internment.

After three days of tests on his physical and mental health, the cat came out of the bag and Donnie made his appearance.

“I knew you would volunteer,” Don had declared to a dazed Raphael. “Don’t worry, it's not a trap," he had added quickly, seeing Raph make a quick motion, as though going to leave. “I’m the head of this lab and the product works. I tested it on a subject before and from the latest results, he is fine. On the other hand, the transformation is so painful that I believe we are going to maintain the artificial coma protocol. In fact, the transformation is spread over several days. Leo remained in a coma for three weeks and…”

A cry of rage and indignation had interrupted him.

"Was Leo yer guinea pig for an untested product? Ya know it could have ended badly! Why did not ya inject it into yourself, genius?”

“Raphael, I have to supervise these mutation with my colleagues. When the routine is established, I will make the decision and one of my colleagues will assist me. Leonardo also made his decision of his free will.”

  
Raph had been relieved and had taken the opportunity to ask about the brother he’d often thought of.

“But he's fine, right? Isn’t he supposed to be in the army or something like that?”

“Yes, a special elite unit. But Leo is fine,” Don had assured him. “Witness protection service gave him a new identity. With a new look, a new name, and legal papers, he is now invisible. Leo doesn’t want the attention and especially in the media.”

The mention of media had made Raph frown.

“He wanted to... dissociate himself from me, is that it?” he’d asked.

Donatello probably reading his mind, shook his head.

“No, Raph, that has nothing to do with it.”

Plunged in his thoughts, he had no longer listened to what Donnie was telling him about the procedure. Yes, Leo had wanted to become human to have nothing in common with him, Raphael, the bestial mutant. It was obvious. He had growled aggressively then.

“Do it!” he had demanded. “I don’t give a shit how this work! But like Leo, I want a new identity and all the papers in order to make my life far from here. I need money too, Donnie. The $6,000 promised in the ad is not enough for me. I want $15,000 and I especially want to not look like Leo.”

“Money is not an issue. You won’t look like Leo. We have, from our mutations, acquired different characteristics of Master Splinter. For example, Leonardo has his hair, I presume, and his size. What I can’t understand is that he is not Asian at all, as his blue eyes revealed. In fact…”

“Shut up and do your job,” Raph had snapped.

He had not wanted to know what Leo looked like because he could not stand thinking about him anymore, as he had in the past months. Leo was still mad at him and ashamed of him, and the idea of this hurt him too much.

‘I bet he's still so handsome, the lucky guy’, had been Raphael's last coherent thought.

He had woken up, his vision blurred, his mouth dry, aching everywhere and dizzy, with Donnie at his bedside, holding a file in his hand.

“How do you feel?”

“Like I have a hangover and I’ve taken a beating. How long have I been unconscious?” he had asked, in a pained voice.

“Twenty-eight days.”

Raph had put his hands to his face, discovering a square jaw with a rough texture.

“Yes, you'll finally be able to shave by yourself.”

“Gimme a mirror,” Raph had demanded hoarsely.

Donnie had handed him one and Raph saw a deeply unsympathetic face scrutinizing him back. It was not that he was ugly and the view of his body seemed to confirm that this part at least matched the standards of human beauty. But his face was unpleasant at first glance, in his opinion, despite the familiar glow of green eyes.

It matched his jerk personality, he had thought gloomy.

“You don’t look happy, Raph,” Don had asked with concern. ”Although he was very handsome, Leo did not seem happy either. I don’t see why. You are both successful, though…”

“To hell with Fearless. Give me the papers and my dough.”

Sighing, Donnie had handed him an envelope. Inside were papers in the name of Raph Harrison, born June 21th, but four years earlier than he’d always given his birth date, a driver's license, a credit card, and an ASE Masters Certification as a mechanic.

"Oh, Don, yer exaggerating!”

Don had shaken his head.

“Not really. According to your experience, you could reach this level. So you can find a job fast enough. With your state allowance, you should be able to keep your head above water. We have aged you because obviously, Sensei was wrong. You seem older than Leo. So, you are already an adult. On that front though, I would like to keep you here in the lab for another month…”

“No fucking way! I’m gonna eat a real meal, take a shower and run from here. But Don, not a word to anybody about that. If someone asks, I’m still a mutant on the West coast.”

Donatello had known better than to try to reason with him but, before leaving, Donnie had wanted to mark his wrist, like the law demanded, he’d told him. This scarification was to identify mutants even under human appearance. The amendment had stipulated that interspecies reproduction was prohibited for the time being and mark was for that purpose; but also in the event that Raphael was unconscious or mortally wounded and could not explain his particular condition it would help ensure he received appropriate care.

Raphael, however, had flatout refused this ‘mark of shame’ and left with his money and papers.

And Raphael had taken the first bus to Nevada, not looking back at the skyscrapers as they disappeared over the horizon behind him. He hadn’t intended to return, ever.

But less than three years later, here he was, on the same bus, on his way back to New York City.

\-------

With relief, Raphael noticed that they had arrived. It was already nearly 9 pm, this September 29th.

It might not have been wise, but as soon as possible he would break up. The girl was driving him crazy, and if he had agreed to follow her, it was because he owed money to almost the entire state of Nevada.

Lisa had inherited a house in Brooklyn from her grandmother and she said it was a great opportunity to turn over a new leaf, free from having to pay rent. Raphael could try to be hired by a new garage owner, who wouldn’t know his vices and Lisa could easily find work as an exotic dancer in a big city like New York.

Raph, during the interminable journey had made his mea culpa. Despite his work at the garage and the money he won during the bets for his ultimate fighting, not to mention his allowance, he was still broke. His vices cost him too much, and the women too. He didn’t even have a clue how he was in a relationship all the time, it's not at all like he was looking for it.

When he had his first girlfriend, Samantha, he had been so proud to show off with a human. But he had quickly become disenchanted, always believing that it was not good, and that the next would be better. After more than twenty girlfriends in nearly three years, Raph had just made the decision that he was over it. He had used the pretense of her inheritance to spin having sold everything, to start fresh.

He wanted to pull himself together and see his brothers again. He missed his family terribly. He had lived seventeen years in close quarters with them and their absence was consuming him, especially that of the eldest.

Leonardo had always known how to make him into the best version of himself and had always watched over him with the self-sacrifice of a mother. His rejection had burned Raphael like acid and he wanted nothing more than to regain Leo's affection. He absolutely had to find a job and get back on track.

In two days, he would receive money and he could settle in a semi-furnished placed, but he only had $500 in his pocket for the moment, coming from his liquidation, and a bag of clothes.

At least without Lisa, everything would be simpler. He had the knack of finding troubled girls, with multiple problems or addiction. Yes, he wouldn’t bed any girls until Christmas, he’d sworn an oath. You Porn was invented for men in his situation, right?

After a memorable quarrel with Lisa, Raph left his bag in a locker and headed for the nearest bar. Of course, he was going to rid himself of all his vices, but today was his 21st birthday and he wanted to celebrate.

He passed several popular bars, letting his steps guide him to the places of his youth. At random, he entered a bar where the crowd did not seem too noisy. He went directly to the barman to order a glass of Jack Daniels.

When he took a sip of his drink, he noticed a black-haired young man sitting next to him, who was fixing his glass of whiskey with a dubious look. Raph had not paid much attention to him during his first drink, but he could not help noticing how the young man next to him was being flirted with by an Asian guy, but in the least subtle way he had ever seen.

Raph glanced sideways, curious despite himself and wanting to have a better look.

He saw the most beautiful profile he had ever seen in a male. The purity of his features was a matter of Greek statuary, Raphael decided, though he was not an esthete like Michelangelo. But the young man, younger than himself, had a dark expression and did not respond to the desperate attempts of the other man.

He did not judge the man’s choice of target. In Nevada, he himself had had fun with two or three male lovers and this guy looked hot. Hot but cold, and to see how this man broke his teeth on this block of ice was either painful or funny, Raph was not quite sure.

Then the rejected man tried a more aggressive approach and put a hand on the thigh of the young ebony-haired man. Immediately the tension became so obvious that Raphael could not help but intervene and after some threatening comments from him, the potential aggressor left quickly, without looking back.

The handsome young man turned around.

“Thank you, but it's useless. He will probably wait for me out of the bar to get what he wants.”

Raphael took a moment to answer. The stranger was even cuter face on. Beautiful light-colored eyes, carved in the shape of almonds, stared at him seriously.

Raph shrugged, a little embarrassed and not wanting to be caught staring.

“I don’t think that, as cute as you are, someone would be sick enough to wait to molest you outside of the bar.”

“He does not want to molest me, but kill me,” the stranger said sternly and Raph almost dropped his glass in bewilderment. “He is an active member of the group, The Purple Dragons. There is a price on my head in this gang, and he only wants to eliminate me. I recognized the tattoo on his neck.”

The stranger uttered this sentence stoically without taking his eyes from his glass.

“Oh! I see,” Raph commented, after another sip. This guy was probably paranoid. “And what did you do to earn the anger of this gang?” Raphael asked, smiling.

“I am part of a special forces, police group, against the criminal gang. I deal with them daily.”

Raphael frowned. The young man in front of him looked to be in his early twenties, younger than himself. His delicate beauty had nothing to do with gang wars. The guy was good-looking, but obviously a liar or a nut case. But crazy or not, Raph felt draw to continue the conversation.

“I still think he mostly wanted your ass but if you say so. A toast to the end of crime.”

The young man tapped his glass politely but did not drink. Raphael pointed it out.

“I don't drink. But tonight is my 21st birthday, I believed it an obligation.”

Raphael ticked. Tonight should have been their 21st mutation anniversary. But it was just a coincidence, surely. The fact that he felt so comfortable with him too. A sense of well-being filled him since the stranger stared at him, like he wanted to protect him. Maybe Raph was just feeling lonely. The comment about birthday made him feel nostalgic.

“21st birthday or not, I have to go home. It is almost 11 pm. Enjoy your drink,” the black-haired man said.

With regret, Raphael watched the handsome young man leave. He felt like he wanted to know him better. Despite his experiences with the men, he did not remember having found the physique of one of them moving, or even feeling so serene and in control, but he had no reason not to let him go.

But when he saw the insistent Asian, who was still in the bar heading out soon after, dread filled him.

He paid for his drinks and followed out.

Noises immediately attracted him in the alley behind the bar, and when he discovered their origin, he froze. The handsome stranger was fighting twelve Purple Dragons and immediately, by his movements, Raph knew. His heart stopped beating and the shock of the discovery made him feel like a javelin had hit him in the solar plexus.

No one in the world fought like that, not giving a fuck about gravity, not since Bruce Lee had died. Except for two people: Mikey and Leo. And since the stranger was fighting in silence, it could only be Leo.

Without thinking further, Raph threw himself into the fight, just as one of the attackers was taking out a gun. For his trouble, Raph received a tanto in the scapula, but that did not matter. It had been long since he had fought for a noble cause and he felt too exalted to feel the pain.

They managed to put eight down and the other four fled. Raph breathless, his shoulder on fire, watched the cute guy catch his breath against the wall. He too was clearly hurt.

“Thank you. But it was not worth it. Are you hurt?”

Raphael was going to answer in the negative when a damn weakness took him, making him fall on his knees.

“My car is nearby. I can drive you to the hospital,” the man said with a deep concern, bending over him, worry written on his handsome face.

Raph shook his head. In his fevered vision, the eyes of the stranger took over the whole place. They were blue, Raph decided. Not the deep blue of Leo, but an arctic blue. But did he himself not have the same hue? The liveliness of the original color was due to the mutant genes. Without them the color was losing its luster and Raphael's had taken on a very common green shade. But was Leo not a soldier? Could it be that he only became a policeman?

"No hospital," Raph mumbled. He had no money to spend.

“Listen, I live nearby. I can take you to my home. I‘m first aid trained.”

“Okay,” he agreed.

Leaning on the young policeman, Raph entered a car whose model he could not even identify with how weak he felt. He didn’t know it is was the loss of blood, the fact that he had not eaten for twelve hours or the thought of finding Leo, but he fainted.

He woke up on a couch, in an unknown living room. Immediately the face with harmonious features returned to his field of vision.

“Hey. Welcome back! Although I would have preferred it before I carried your 250 pounds upstairs...” The eyes, definitely blue, shone with a mocking glare. He continued, more serious. “I am sorry. All this is my fault.”

"Ah," said Raph, sitting up, staring around the room. It was simply decorated but in good, classy taste.

“Can you raise your arms and remove your shirt? Otherwise, I should cut it.”

Raph took off his sweater and he winced as his pain spiked. Since when was he such a wimp? It was only a stab wound.

He noticed that his Samaritan looked away from his chest and tried to disinfect and heal the wound in silence. Raphael all the while did not say a word, subdued by the serious beauty of the stranger. During the fight, just before he was stabbed, he was briefly distracted by the grace of his fighting moves and also his nice ass. Sitting motionless in the dimmed light of the bar, he had not appreciated it enough.

At this moment, all this was bursting in his glory and Raphael had only one desire, to pin him to the sofa. Never had he had such a great physical desire for a man or for a woman. It disturbed him. Was it the demonstration of ninjutsu that turned him on? Or the perception that it was his big brother? But Raph had never had a desire for Leonardo, right? Affection, admiration, but not desire, right?

The young man smiled at him.

“Do you feel better? Do you want me to call a cab? Your fiancee must wait for you, it is near midnight. Not to mention work, tomorrow.”

Raph straightened up, still a little dizzy.

“Nah! We broke up today, right the bus. I’m straight from Nevada. I don’t have anyone waiting for me in this city. I have no job and place to go either.”

The man considered his answer one moment.

“Oh. I can drive you wherever you want.”

“The closest, most shabby motel will suffice for me. But no need to bother yourself, I'll just take a taxi. Just a glass of tap water, please.”

Raph did not want to leave, but he had no reason to stay, either. Looking for his cell phone, Raphael cursed.

“The son of a bitch! They stole my cell phone and my wallet! How will I pay for the motel and eat! I’ve not had a damn meal since lunch!” Raph had exclaimed under the influence of emotion without thinking.

The other man blushed. “I am deeply sorry for this situation, sir, it's my fault, I'll …” he said, reaching for his pocket.

"No," said Raph, exasperated. This speech reminded him so much of his brother’s sessions of self-flogging that he was bristling. He adored Leonardo, but this martyr mode was so unnecessary. “Don’t call me sir! I had to have lost like half a gallon of blood for you, and that makes us pretty intimate, so we should keep in touch. And it's not your fault. I shouldn’t have laughed when you told me about your suspicions. If I had believed you, it won’t have happened. Understand that my version seemed more believable. The fact that, distracted, I let someone steal my cell and wallet, with all my cards and dough, that’s my sole responsibility.”

“Listen... uh? What is your name?”

Raphael thought quickly. It was probably his immoderate desire to find his family making him hallucinate, but he wanted to believe that this charming boy was Leo. Leo, who despised his person, last time he checked.

“Call me Rick.”

“Well, Rick, I have two full rooms here, as well as an office with a futon. You can sleep here. I understand your situation. You’ve arrived in an unknown city and wanting to lend me a hand, you got hurt and robbed. I live alone. I am absent more than ten hours a day, five days a week, sometimes six. If you wish, by the time you do get your cards back and you find your feet again, you can still stay here.”

Raphael felt momentarily dazzled. This spontaneous generosity was also characteristic of Leonardo. But even if he was misled and this man was not his brother, he felt irresistibly attracted to him regardless. At this very moment, his proximity gave an almost irrepressible desire to kiss his well-drawn lips.

He remembered the clues left by Don and blamed himself for not let him continue. Donnie had hinted that Leo was tall, with black hair, blue eyes and very handsome. The portrait of the individual in front of him. But Raph had to know, because if it was Leo, he would finally be able, under the guise of anonymity, to establish a new relationship between them.

As though getting whiplash, he realized that the ultimate goal of all his youth had been to be recognized by Leonardo and be appreciated by him. Because to arouse affection and respect in a being as excellent as Leo was the most enviable thing in the world in Raph's eyes. The opportunity was the perfect two birds with one stone; he could rid himself of all his vices and reclaim Leonardo. But of course, win him back from a friendly point of view. But if this guy was incredibly seductive and sexy, Raph only wanted his friendship, right?

He realized the young man was waiting for an answer.

“Yeah, that would be great, thank ya. Just until I get my credit and atm cards back, and find a place to live or a job,” he said intending to take as long as possible. “Uh and yer name is?”

“Oh, sorry, I did not introduce myself. You can call me Lee.”

Ok, that was enough coincidences. In a few questions, he could thwart ‘Lee’ and find out if Leonardo was hiding behind this fake identity. But of course, he had to be sneaky and subtle. Leonardo has always been a fierce guardian of his private life.

The so-called Lee continued.

“I have clothes in your size from... when I was uh... a little bigger. I don’t know if they will be enough for tonight. I'll put this one to the wash, I’m afraid I don’t have much for breakfast. I don’t really have the time or talent for cooking, so there are only simple things. I eat all my meals in restaurants, otherwise I'd starve," Lee finished with a helpless little smile. “But, I have plenty of everything that does not require cooking, such as fruit, raw vegetables, yogurt, etc.”

Raph nodded, a deep focused look on his face. Leonardo's inability to cook was proverbial. His eyes landed on the kitchen counter a little further. A toaster was still in its original box.

“Ya just moved in?” Raph asked, pointing the packed toaster.

Lee blushed:

"No, no, as I told you, I don’t eat here much. I have lived here since returning home about four months ago. I bought the appliance in case one of my brothers slept here.”

“Yer return? Were ya traveling?” Raph asked, interested.

“No. Mission. I am an ex-soldier. But I don’t want to talk about it.”

Raph closed his eyes for a moment, and made an apologetic gesture, while his whole being was seething. Only one question and the truth would burst.

“I wanted to ask ya, yer a good fighter. Yar obviously a black belt. Which Dan? The first, I bet?” Raph asked, deliberately guessing under in an attempt to trick the truth from him.

Leo blushed.

Their master had never given them an equivalent echelon in the human world. Raph had himself asked the question and after an analysis, in order to be able to brag about the crowd watching his fights. He had realized he and his brothers had to be considered five Dan with so many hours of practice from their first steps, the mutagen having helped them to master the trickier moves more quickly. And with Leo being, Raph could well admit, much better, he had to be a red-white belt, which is located beyond the black belt and equivalent to a 7 dan, despite his very young age.

"Yes," said Leo, looking down, being modest. it was obvious that his exact rank did not matter to him. "I'm going to get some extra clothes.”

Raph’s heart swelled at this admission. If Lee was human, it would be impossible for him to not know his karate level. Only a mutant who had lived in the sewers could ignore it.

To drive the point home, Leo returned with a Space Heroes T-shirt, which was unusually wide for Leonardo’s current build. This t-shirt had have been worn by him as a turtle, with a shell.

Raphael's eyes shone with emotion, tears of joy threatening to flow. No other being could be a fan of this crazy series, except his big brother.

“Ya love Captain Ryan, right?”

Leo turned as though stung and eagerly asked, “You know this series?”

Raphael, for obscure reasons, had always professed the most absolute detestation of this series, but against his will, he had had to watch each episode more than sixty times. It would be easy to make Leo believe that he liked it, in order to earn points from him. After improvising and telling him the captain's best shots, Leo smiled and interrupted him.

“It's late, I'm working tomorrow. I'll show you to your room.”

Leo led him to a small but immaculate room with the bare essentials. Then he showed him the bathroom.

“You can choose a toothbrush. The blue one is mine, but I have three unused. They are for my brothers, just in case they ran into trouble and needed me.”

With an emotion that almost made his heart jump from his chest, he saw the three toothbrushes stretched out in front of him: one purple, one orange and one red. The latter especially moved him. Leo had planned on his return, he even hoped it might happen.

Should he confess everything? Or should he opt for another color to continue to trick him? Did Leo really forgive him?

He was drawn from his thoughts by Leonardo.

“You can take the red one. I don’t even know why I have it. That brother will never come back,” Leo said with a sigh.

This sentence hurt Raphael more than a blow to the chest.

Trembling, but while trying to keep a neutral voice, he asked, “Ya have an argument with this brother?”

“With all my brothers in fact, but especially with Raphael. Our relationship has always been… complicated.”

He no longer had any doubt about the identity of the policeman. No one else in the world could keep a red toothbrush for a brother named Raphael, be as good at martial arts without knowing his level, not know how to cook, be a former soldier and love Captain Ryan. Plus, Lee's name was too Leo-like. But he could not admit his own identity. Obviously, Leo still resented him for the death of their father and a lot of other things.

Raphael thought back to a specific moment in his life.

He was completely smashed and alone outside his seedy Nevada bungalow. He had looked at the sky and prayed to the stars or whatever was up there to have Leonardo's love one day again. Brotherly love, of course.

The possibility was in front of him now and he had to seize it, but by usurping another name. He could not be Raph anymore, but Rick. And if he couldn’t curse, smoke, drink or hate on Space Heroes again, he would do it to fall back into Leo's good graces.

“I’m sorry, I don’t have any family anymore. I didn’t know my mother and my father died in an accident. I have neither brother nor sister. And no more girlfriend either.”

Leo offered his most sincere sympathies and wished Raphael good night. As he did so, he turned to go to his own room. Raph caught himself staring at the firm buttocks, with a strong desire to touch them and ...

‘ _Waoh, Raph, calm down. That's your brother, you don’t see him like that! Plus, he surely has someone. You can’t be so damn attractive and be single. And Leo always loved women. You do remember Karai, right?_ ’

Raph lay down, despite an obvious boner, but too concerned to relieve himself. He would not masturbate in the sheets of a guest room and more to the point, thinking of his own brother. Yes, he had already done it. He had already been surprised a few times, oh, just three or four times, to fantasize about his brother in blue, when he was about sixteen, but it was the hormones and the loss of potential partners that were the cause of those times.

Today, Raph was an attractive human. Of course, he was not as gorgeous as Leo, but with the hundreds of women, and the few men, he had had in bed, he must not be so bad looking.

He reflected on his complex situation.

He had to hide his own identity while trying to attract Leo's affection. This part had to be easy. He knew his Fearless like the back of his hand. Making himself indispensable by cooking would be a good start. Raph was not a great chef like his brother Mikey, but he was far better than Leo. He had to earn points quickly because Leo had only offered him hospitality for a few days.

He needed to find a job, but not too quickly, so not to have a reason to leave, or too slow for Leo to believe he was abusing his charity. For his new cards, banking, credit, and driver's license, he had to make it take longer.

He was certain, in a week, Leo would not be able to live without him. He was determined and if it required a total change in his despicable personality, he saw no problem.

With a sigh, he noticed that despite the whirlwind of his thoughts, his excitement had not diminished and he need to sleep to be up before Leo, Thinking that after all, what Leo did not know could hurt him, he jerked off.


	2. Chapter 2

Raph woke up, briefly disoriented. The fact that he did not have a hangover was already exceptional in itself. Then memory returned to him with a spark of excitement.

He looked at the time. 7:20. He heard no sound coming from the next room. Was Fearless still sleeping? He had to get up and have breakfast. He jumped out of bed with an optimism and joy about life he did not remember having had for at least a decade.

However, upon reaching the kitchen he became disenchanted. Leonardo had already left to go to work. He had left only a note.

‘Hi Rick,

‘I hope you slept well. Make yourself at home. If you want, I left you some money to fill the refrigerator. Buy what you like, I never eat here. I left you a key. You can use the computer in the office to start your job search. And I’ve attached my cell number in case you have an emergency. In the basement, I have a training room, if you want to warm up a little. I may be working overtime and I will not be back until after 8 pm, which gives you time to solve your problems in private. Have a nice day, L.’

Raph gritted his teeth. Obviously, his brother was an eager employee. Leonardo thought he was doing Rick a favor by leaving him alone all day, but Raph wanted his big brother close-by.

He looked at the money given by Leonardo. He opened his eyes disproportionately. Leonardo had left $400. This sum could easily buy three weeks of groceries since Leo, never eating there, had left it only for ‘Rick’. To leave such a sum for a stranger proved, once again, Leonardo’s generous nature.

But perhaps was also a roundabout way of trying to get rid of his guest. Many would have taken the sum and run away. If it was a test, Raph was determined to pass it.

Raph went to the office and did something he never thought he would do in his life. He went to cooking websites, looking for recipes to make a menu to create lunches and dinners for the entire week. He then looked for coupons, in order to get the best price possible.

Leo had always been thrifty and Raph, a gambler. It was time to correct this and to look good in the eyes of Leonardo.

This done, he showered quickly, but when he was about to dress, he bit his lips. His dress style was certainly not Leo's taste. He needed some tidier and more classic clothes. For now, he had just the ones he had been wearing when he had been stabbed. But he could not take the money Leo had left to buy himself clothes. He refused to go out with a Space Hero t-shirt and his t-shirt from the day before was not yet dry, and it was torn up with pink spots, despite being washed.

Maybe he could borrow something from Leo, even if it would be too tight for him.

It was the perfect opportunity to text Leo. But he had no cell phone anymore! He had to declare it stolen as soon as possible. But he had more urgent things to do. He searched for a phone and finding one, he dialed Leonardo's number.

As soon as the latter replied, emotion filled Raphael. How could he have not recognize that voice? Without the distraction of Leonardo's attractive physique, his voice was easily recognizable, gentle, but male, with always a touch of underlying anxiety.

  
“Oh, yes it's Rick. I wanted to know if I could borrow one of yer shirts to wear outside. I'll go shopping and get my bag from the locker. My shirt is ruined and uh... the other is not clean because I slept in it.”

It was wrong, Raph had immediately removed it, as soon as Leo was out of the room. He never wore anything to sleep, still hating clothes despite more than three years in human form.

Leo hesitated slightly.

“My room is locked, but in the basement, there are clean clothes I hadn’t got around to folding yet, in the blue basket. Help yourself.”

Raphael frowned. Leo had trusted him enough to leave $400, but not enough to leave his bedroom door unlocked. It did not matter since it was not the real reason for his call.

“You know, Lee, ya don’t have to stay out to give me privacy. This is yer home and to tell ya the truth, I feel lonely. I don’t know the city or anyone, I'm a little depressed from my breakup and I would like to ask about the life here, from a reliable person.”

He continued very quickly, leaving no time for Leo to answer.

“I am an adequate cook. I can prepare dinner tonight, as well over the next days. Not going to the restaurant would be economic, right? I can’t access my money right away, I already asked. I have to show proof of identity and given I haven’t got any right now, I will have access to my money in about, um, ten days. Then I'll pay ya back half of what the groceries have cost.”

It was pure bullshit, Raph not having even called for his cards, especially not at 8 am, but it made sense. Leo believed it and accepting the offer, promised to be back around 6:00 pm.

Exalted, Raph ran to the basement to find clothes. Everything was horribly serious, but Raph found a black shirt. It was way too tidy for him, but he could only imagine how Leo would be sexy in this shirt, the black must deliciously bring out his clear skin and his blue eyes.

Immediately, a flash of jealousy stabbed him. If this shirt was there, it was because Leo had worn it recently. Who was he looking so good for?

‘Ok. Shut the fuck up, Raph, Leo can doll-up for whoever he wants, it's not your business. He surely has a girlfriend or a boyfriend, but it does not matter because you don’t want to seduce him. You don’t like Leo in that way. You only want to be his friend, if possible his best friend."

The shirt was too tight on him, to the point where he could not close the two top buttons, but never mind.

Raph went around the kitchen cabinets to determine what to buy or not. He wrote a list, determined to have everything cheaper to impress his thrifty big brother, before heading out.

He pushed his housewife behavior to the point of arguing the price of chicken in Chinatown for a quarter of an hour. He had planned several meals with an Asian flavor, mixed with one or two Italian recipes. Raph had bought nothing for himself. Not even beer, despite years of being addicted to it.

With a childlike joy, he noticed he still had more than $200 left, despite buying provisions for more than a week. After that, he picked up his bag containing the few clothes he had brought with him.

He went back to Leonardo’s and tried to prepare everything to make a bento for lunch tomorrow, as well as the evening meal. Like a teenager on his first date, he watched for the arrival of his new roommate at the window from 5:35 pm, his heart pounding.

When he finally saw the gray car, Raph tried to calm down.

‘Stop acting like a fool. It's only Leo. Not your crush or your lover. It's only your brother. If you've done too much, you will scare the shit out of him!’

He cast a last inquisitive look to the table. Had he tried to create an atmosphere that was too romantic and therefore inappropriate?

He forgot all his worries when the door opened and Raph melted to the floor. Leo was still in his uniform and looked so damn good in it. After one moment, Raph realized he was staring and Leo was aware of it, having an uncertain smile on his lips.

“The dinner is served. Did ya have a good day at work?”

Realizing what he had just said, Raph wanted to slap himself. Had he welcomed Leo like the average American wife?

Leo had to think the same thing because he blushed.

“Uh, yes, of course. The usual routine. I will change and shower. Give me fifteen minutes.”

Raph bit his tongue to keep himself from begging Leo not to change. He had a kink for uniforms, all right, and had just discovered it. He did not have to be ashamed, it was a fetish shared by many people. What was abnormal was that his brother was wearing the uniform. Fortunately, Leo did not know, regardless of their biological relation, that it was Raph who stared at him in such a non-subtle way.

Leo went into his room, took some clothes, locked his bedroom door, and then shut himself into the bathroom, while Raph was fussing over the last preparations for dinner.

When Leo came back, his black hair wet, and sat down, he was a bit surprised at a steaming miso soup.

“Did you make this? It smells divine. You didn’t have to go to so much trouble.”

“Oh! This is just the appetizer. I have something else for the main course. A chicken curry.”

Raph was not really a fan of such ’fancy’ food, a t-bone and mashed potato or fries were more his jam, but it was Leo he wanted to please.

Leo ate in silence for a few moments, and praised Raph on his soup and pointed out the happy coincidence, which was actually not a coincidence at all, that he had not added mushrooms to his recipe since Leo abhorred them

Happy butterflies fluttered in Raphael's belly. He could not remember the last time a compliment had touched him so much. He had received thousands of appreciative comments on his muscles and strength, even his eyes, but he had never felt this sweet and warm flutter.

Raph had never felt so intimidated.

He tried to normally ask for details about Leo's day. He did not want to look too eager, nor to show a misplaced curiosity. He learned through the questions, which Leo briefly and gracefully answered, that he was a sergeant at the NYPD, which Raph already knew from the crest he had seen on his uniform earlier. The position was surely impossible to reach for a man under twenty-five years-old, but Raph showed no surprise. Leo explained he spent a good deal of the day writing reports, and judging that he had sufficiently satisfied Raphael's curiosity about him, he had asked him to talk about him as well.

It was a legitimate curiosity from Leo. This Rick that he had sheltered was a stranger to him, so Raph did not show any surprise, nor reluctance. All the afternoon, he had thought of the story to tell, while slicing vegetables.

Raph had settled to tell at least a part of the truth.

He told Leo that he had an ASE Masters Certification as a mechanic, which was officially true, except that the name on the diploma that Raph had recovered earlier was granted to a Raph and not a Rick, so he wouldn’t be able to show it. He had worked near Las Vegas doing mechanical and painting work.

He had, however, hesitated to talk about his illegal fights, even if he was the State Champion. In the last two years, these combats each Saturday had helped him to clear some debts. But, Leo was a policeman, not encouraging illegal activities and besides, it might be easier to search and track back to Raphael. So he passed this detail in silence.

He told his decision to come to New York by altering the truth a little. He hid his debt, alcohol, drugs and gambling problems and even changed his ex-girlfriend's profession by making her a nurse, instead of a stripper.

Having thus told his tales of lies, Raph asked the question that had been bothering him the night before, though he could not understand why.

“And ya? Do ya have a girlfriend? Or a boyfriend?” he added, with a quiver of excitement that he tried to cool down.

An abyssal cold blew between them and Raph cursed himself for having asked the question.

“No, I don’t have a girlfriend,” Leo said slowly, his voice icy. “And no boyfriend either.”

The second part of the sentence had been uttered with a shudder that appeared to be one of disgust to Raphael's eyes. Without knowing why, it made him grow angry. Obviously Fearless was too ‘honorable’ and conservative to love men.

“What? It's allowed, right?” he spat, rancorous.”Are you homophobic?”

Feeling that he had offended his guest, Leo backed down.

“Not at all,” he replied, diplomatically. “I am only uncomfortable with questions about my sexual or sentimental life.”

Then, the blue eyes had a panicked glare.

“You are attracted to…”

Raph cut him off sharply before he finished a question he did not want to answer.

“There is nothing to be afraid of with me. Yes, I had sex maybe... twice with men, but it was mostly out of curiosity,” he explained sharply.

It was not the exact truth. He had gay sex more than twice, but he did not want to freak Leo out more! But he did not want to hide the fact that he could be, eventually, attracted to men too, even if he tried to play down this part of his sexual identity.

”I am the worst womanizer ever! I only hate all homophobes, xenophobes or mutanophobes,” he added.

Leo gave a slight nod and looked back at his plate.

Raph saw his brother's discomfort and even the trembling of his hand and this made him wonder a lot. Leo was a tolerant person, who was not inclined towards hasty prejudices. He was not a fearful person by nature either. Something that Raph did not know about must have happened to Leo. A surge of protectiveness invaded him and more sharply than the situation required.

“Has anything happened to ya?” he asked, straightforward. “Did a man hurt ya?”

He felt Leo stiffen with all his being and clearly saw the lie forming on his brother's face before he articulated a negative answer.

Raph clenched his fists under the table. He was going to open the skull of the guy who dared to hurt his big brother. But ignorant of the culprit's identity and even how far the crime had gone, he was helpless and hated that feeling.

“No,” Leo denied, ”I just don’t like to talk about that. In fact, I have no heart or sex affair and it's by choice.”

Raph frowned. What was the point of being so incredibly seductive if you were only going to lead a monastic life?

“I don’t deserve to be happy,” Leo whispered.

Raph opened his eyes wide, shocked. If anyone in the world deserved nothing, it was him, Raph. Leo had always been loyal, generous, brave and kind. He opened his mouth.

“I am ready to share my home, but not my private life, sorry,” Leo replied firmly before he could speak however, causing Raph to close his mouth again and swallow his question. “Do you have questions about the city? I thought that was why you wanted me to come home early?”

Raph, disappointed, but knowing better than insist, asked some basic questions, absolutely useless since he knew his hometown by heart.

“Your accent is from New York. Brooklyn to be more accurate. Did one of your parents come from here? You must have chosen this city for a reason, right?”

Obviously, Leo had to be a good policeman.

Raph added a layer to his lies, telling him about his father coming from here and that he had at first intended to live with his uncle, but had learn about his uncle’s death only the morning he left and he has decided to do the trip anyway.

The ambiance was not the same since Raph’s question concerning Leo’s love life, Leo being all stiff and cautious, and Raph awkward, a thing that usually never happen to him. Raphael though that Leo seemed now to regret having Raph to worry about under his roof. The policeman seemed to be struggling about whether he should kick Raph out or not. And Raph’s insides churned.

“I don’t want to appear harsh, but I would greatly appreciate it if you don’t invite anyone here,” Leo finally said.

Raph was so expecting Leo to tell him to get out that it took him a moment to get what his brother meant by this statement.

“A lover or sex-buddy, you mean? Nah! I decided to be celibate, like ya for a few weeks or even months. I’m done with women and their whims.”

Leo rose and gracefully bowed his head, the relief obvious on his face.

“Thank you for this excellent meal. I had not eaten anything so delicious for a long time. I wish you a good night.”

That said, he went to bed, and Raph, despite the fact that he was screaming a counter order to his eyeballs, could not help but fix his brother's lower back as he walked away.

Was it possible to be so sexy and chaste? Was it a plot of karma to make Raph crazy? He only wanted a chance to be appreciated by his brother, and if he showed so clearly his attraction, Leo would throw him out, even as polite as he was.

Raph stood up to wash the plates. It was not Leo's kind of thing to leave dishes, but Raph suspected that the policeman had wanted to get away from the looks and questions as quickly as possible, to the point of forgetting this detail. But it did not matter to Raph who used the moment alone to chastise himself.

What had come over him, to harass his brother on such personal matters? Leo had always been so discreet, hating to express his feelings. Raph knew it and it was a stupid mistake to have forgotten about it. Anyway, it was not important to know if Leo had anyone in his life. It did not change a damn thing for Raph, right?

In his bedroom that evening, Raph convinced himself jerking off fantasizing about his brother in uniform was okay, since this would be the last time. When he was done, his bones like jelly, he had the thought to set an alarm clock for 5 am.

\----

The next morning, Raph got up at the first ring of the alarm, quickly turning it off. This time, Raph refused to get caught.

The day before, he had asked Leo about his schedule. He worked about fifteen minutes away by car and worked from 7am to 4pm, from Monday to Friday, the few times he did not get caught up writing a last-minute report. He had told Raph to never expect him before 5:30.

Of course, Leo was zealous and left earlier than necessary to avoid meeting his guest, but Raph had plans. He knew Leo to like to eat lightly the morning, so, he wanted to prepare toast for his brother and had bought his favorite brand of strawberry jam for this purpose, and blueberry-banana smoothies.

To look good was mandatory too, but with consternation he stared at the five t-shirts he had rescued from his old life in Nevada. The t-shirts were all about heavy metal bands and did not suit Leo’s taste. The tank top was useless since the drop of temperature. The three pairs of jeans were at least neutral but well-used, as well as the sport pants.

It was the first of October and he had money, but without his ATM card, it was impossible to have access to it. It was Friday, and he had to take care of this before the weekend.

He put on his shirt that he found the least shocking and went to the kitchen, making a stop at the bathroom to shave, because he wanted to be at his best, although he found himself foolish. Leo wouldn’t be mad if he borrow his razor.

Coming into the bathroom, he saw one of Leo's uniforms hanging up. With cramps of emotion, he stroked gently the uniform, an erection also forming in his black boxers. What did he have with the uniforms? He had been involved with the police countless times in his life, without feeling any trouble. When his eyes fell on the white boxers dutifully folded on the lid of the bowl, his erection became painful and literally begged for quick relief.

Ashamed of his need, he told himself it was out of the question that he jerk off by sniffing his brother's underwear, like a prisoner.

What, had he suddenly develop an obsession for clothes worn by his brother?

Suddenly, Raph smiled. His clothes were not there yesterday. They had been dropped off there this morning. Fearless had to be doing his kata in the basement, like he always did. The idea of seeing him doing it, filled him with excitement, when four years ago, he was mocking this annoying habit from his brother. No the view of it would comfort him, like a missing piece of his life.

He went down on tiptoe and he held his breath.

Swirling, shirtless, his katanas in his hands, bare chested, wearing only sports pants, Leo was lost in his inner world, not realizing the captivating spectacle he offered to his magnetized brother.

Raph, his eyes wide open, stared at him with longing. Unfortunately, he could not stay longer. The thin fabric of Raphael's underwear hid nothing of his appreciation for the show. Raphael did not want to be excited by this vision, but the lower part of his body seemed to be endowed with its own will and no longer responded to the directions of Raphael's brain.

If Leo noticed him, Raph would be on the sidewalk in five minutes flat. He had to go back to showering and take care of his ‘problem’.

In the bathroom, he avoided looking at the clothes, not needing any additional source of excitement, and frantically masturbated, thinking back to his brother's kata. When his afterglow had dimmed and he was able to walk, he thought with dismay that there would be no more hot water for Leo and got out of the shower, hoping his senses would be calmed.

He dried himself and looked for a razor, but after almost ten minutes, he stopped his search. Leo’s razor was maybe in his room. Forgetting his idea to shave, after a hard glare at his own image in the mirror, he decided to dress.

As soon as his eyes fell on Leo’s white boxer, Raph sighed with exasperation, his cock twitching. What was the reason for this endless lubricity? Since when did he have a fixation for male underwear? The boxers were begging Raph to put them on. It was crazy!

Abstinence may not have been a good thing. A few days without sex and he was became a dangerously obsessed. How Leo managed to live without a sex life was beyond him. But Leo had always been weird. When he made this observation, he noticed that he had indeed slid on Leo's white boxers and that his brother was definitely not the weirdest of the two of them. The fabric was warmer and softer, delightfully electric against him. He wondered if he could keep his boxers. Leo, despite his well-organized head, could have forgotten them, right? This was what he was thinking when he heard the knock on the door.

“Rick, is that you?”

“Uh, yes, um, I'm just putting on pants and I'll be right out.”

Without taking the time to think, Raph put on his jeans, without removing the white underwear and brutally opened the door in front of a very flushed Leo, who tried to cover his body.

Raph had a moment of confusion. Why was Leo hiding? He was not even naked. And his brother had never seemed prudish before. Then the memory that someone had surely done something to Leonardo came back to him and his jaw tightened.

“I didn’t want to hurry you. It's barely 6 o'clock,” Leo apologized.

“No, go ahead. I'm done,” Raph replied, embarrassed in turn by Leo unease. ”I may have abused of hot water …”

“Nevermind, I always take cold showers,” Leo cut in.

He must have taken this Spartan regime from the army, Raphael thought while going to do what he had planned to do so early in the morning, Leonardo's breakfast.

Leo came out a few minutes after the sound of the shower stopped and when he came into the kitchen, Raph was shocked. Even without his underwear, Leo had put on his uniform. It meant that he probably did not have anything under it and Raph’s mouth grew dry. Flushed to have such perverse thoughts, he had to sit down after taking a quick break from making Leo's cup of tea.

Leo raised an eyebrow:

"Are you okay, Rick? It was not necessary to get up so early.”

“I plugged in the toaster and made you some toast, and made you tea,” Raph stammered trying not to stare below Leo’s belt. “I thought that starting the day with something warm…”

Raph did not finish his sentence, finding it an awful innuendo.

“No need to wait for me tonight,” Leo stated, awkwardly sitting down to eat. ”I always finish later on Fridays, but there is a movie theater nearby and…”

“If I knew, I would have prepared a second bento,” Raph said, showing him Leo’s ready new lunch bag.

Raph’s disappointment was so strong, Leo felt it.

“Oh, Rick, forgive me. I thought you'd like loneliness, but if you're used to being in a relationship or having friends, you have to feel alone. I promise to try to be here sooner than yesterday.

Raphael's eyes flashed so much hope and gratitude, that Leo gave him a real smile, already stirred by the bento.

“If you want, I'll show you the neighborhood and we can eat at the restaurant. Don’t worry about the money. You left a lot of what I left you as a budget.”

Raph smiled

“Yes, I’d like that.”

“Very good then, it's a date!” Leo said, smiling and sipping his tea.

Thirty minutes later, Raph watched Leo leave, following him with the eyes to his car, repeating himself tirelessly, his heart completely dilated with joy and excitement:

"It's a date…"


	3. Chapter 3

Raphael repeated for the hundredth time that he had no reason to be angry. With exasperation, he found himself acting like a groupie for some boy-band. It was only Leo, he repeated to himself again. Why was his heart pounding? Why especially was he looking at his complete wardrobe lying on his bed with a desire to cry? He had nothing to wear but why did he care? He had never given any importance to his clothes, not even for attending the slightest appointment, not even for a job interview! 

Why then was he having this crisis of anxious indecision about not knowing what to wear? Raph was not a fucking girl getting ready for her damn Prom night!

  
He did not want to bring Leo shame, that was all, he told himself. He was that stressed out not because he wanted to please him physically, Raph was just concerned about not embarrassing Leo by wearing an inappropriate outfit to any restaurant where he planned to take him. 

 

Raph did not dare call Leo again to ask if he could borrow his too small clothes or go shopping with his brother's money. He really needed his ATM card again. But as soon as he had that, what excuse could justify his presence there then?   
  
He was nauseated all day long, the excitement gouging his gut, and the anger and shame of reacting so strongly did not help, unable to swallow a mouthful.   
  
Finally, it was time for Leo's return to work, and Raph was still half-dressed. As soon as he saw him get out of his car in his uniform with nothing underneath, he mentally rallied himself, and began to repeat his mantra that he had been singing to himself since the morning.   
  
"It's only your brother Leonardo. That’s your brother. No reason to get excited.”   
  
The mantra died in his throat as soon as his new obsession cleared the door.   
  
Leo stared at him for a moment with surprised eyes.   
  
“You are not dressed?”   
  
“Well, I... I didn’t know where we were going or what to wear. I don’t have tidy clothes,” Raphael replied, flushed with shame.   
  
“Oh. You could have borrowed something of mine. Or taken money,” Leo replied kindly.”You will need something neat and in your size to pass an interview. I’m off at the weekend. I could show you some shops. You'll pay me back next week. For tonight, I had no intention of going to a fancy restaurant. A simple t-shirt and jeans will suffice.”   
  
Raph nodded, hating to feel like a tramp at the mercy of his brother's generosity. If he wanted to impress Leo, it was a bad start.   
  
Leo went straight to his room and closed the door as quickly as possible. He reappeared a moment later to present some clothes to Raphael, and then locked himself up to get ready. Raphael choses a random pale grey t-shirt, not wanting to keep Leonardo waiting.   
  


Leo had put on an anthracite-colored but relaxed-looking shirt, but Raphael avoided lingering on detailing his brother. He had often been surprised to swoon before him.   
  
Leo asked if he wanted to walk and Raphael agreed. They walked for a long time, enjoying the golden October sun. Leo revealed that it was his favorite season, because the colors seemed more vivid and rich, as if nature before winter, wanted to offer the senses a last gift before a long winter. He confided to love the red leaves above all and Raph’s heart missed a beat. Leo questioned him about the climate of Nevada and despite an attempt to be as poetic as his brother, he failed miserably, the reality being that he had quickly abominated the landscape of his exile. Then he listened without a word to Leonardo telling him about New York life, the most affordable neighborhoods where the crime was not too high, where it would be best to have a family.   
  
“A family? You mean like kiddos? That's not for me!” Raph interrupted more harshly than he intended.  “And I'm not afraid of some miserable punks,” he added, struggling to express himself.

 

Leo turned toward him, slightly stunned by Raph’s straightforward answer.   
  
“Oh, that's why you broke up with your girlfriend? You didn’t want children?” he wondered.   
  
“Nah!. I broke up with her because she annoyed me. I kept Lisa for almost six months and it's a fucki... a huge achievement”   
  
“Six months? That doesn’t seems very long to me.”   
  
“Bah, twenty-three weeks too much too much in my book,” Raph stated, idly.   
  
“Then why did you start this relationship?” Leo asked earnestly.   
  
For a brief moment, Raph was tempted to reply that since he did not have the right to ask Leo any questions, Leo did not have to annoy him either, but he restrained himself.   
  
“Ya know, sometimes ya feel alone one time and ya want company, but then the company stays when ya wanna be alone…” Raph bit his lip. His explanation was easy to be misinterpreted. “I'm not good with words. In short, I am sexually attracted to women, but I can’t be connected with them. We aren’t on the same page. I know it makes no sense and I maybe I didn’t put enough effort into make the relationships work, or perhaps chose my partner badly, but...”   
  
"No," interrupted Leo, "what you say makes a lot of sense. We can say that... I feel something slightly similar.”   
  
Raphael's eyes widened. It was the first piece of Leo’s personal life unfolding.   
  
But the moment did not last.   
  
“Or at least I did, before... Ah, look, we’ve arrived. This a restaurant where I often came with my brothers.”   
  
Raphael remained for a moment petrified with horror. They were in front of Morokami's house. The blind man had spent his life relying on his other senses, such as hearing, to supplement his lack of sight. He would undoubtedly recognize Raphael by his voice.   
  
“The owner unfortunately is dead,” Leo continued. 

 

Raph let out a soft relieved breath, even as he felt sadness at the news of Morokami’s passing. 

 

“Purple Dragons killed him after he refused to sell their drugs in his restaurant. I lead a merciless vendetta against the Dragons. Apart from crimes that directly affect children, there is little that disgusts me as much as drug trafficking," Leo went on with a disgusted look. We must put an end to the sale of such poison, which reaches younger and younger victims, stealing their future from them.”   
  
Raph did not think it would be good to add that all the pushers around Las Vegas knew him by his first name and that he had probably left still owing several hundred dollars to some. He closed his eyes, briefly discouraged. How could he have deviated so far from the right path? Every time he opened his mouth, he had to lie and told Leo bullshit to cover up his fucked-up life. Raph wanted Leo to return to the topic of his love life, but he did not know how to bring him back unless he shut himself up like an oyster.   
  
The meal was nice enough. Leo seemed a little sad however, and though Raph's heart was also aching with the memory of the dead blind man, he did his best to cheer Leonardo up. What annoyed him the most was the name ’Lee’ he had to give to his brother. He did not like the foreign nickname and avoided having to call Leo by this false name, mostly using ‘you’. It was also laborious to have to advance the conversation while avoiding all sensitive topics on both sides, neither he nor Leo wanting to answer certain questions. Yet, even with great imagination, he could not visualize his perfect big brother committing a reprehensible act of which Leo could be ashamed enough to not even want to broach the subject, and which Leo would believe would render him unworthy of happiness.   
  
What fueled their discussion without any real danger was talking about the city and that's what he did even if it did meant little progress in his quest to rediscover his brother. He desperately wanted to get to know him again, hating to ignore a whole part of his life, and powerless to avenge him and even console him because of this ignorance.   
  
While Raphael was trying not to look too enthralled by Leo's inviting lips as his brother spoke, he noticed something. Before today, their bond had never been so clear in his head. His antagonist relationship with Leonardo was based on the premise that Leonardo was both the sword and the shield of their family. But Raph wanted that role, not for the leader position as Leo had believed, but because he wanted more than anything to protect this brother and not be protected by him. It had been this instinct that had made him immediately choose Leonardo that fateful day. This instinctive need to safeguard his leader had always been powerful, but he had never been able to express it because of the ranks granted within their clan. Leo was the leader and the eldest and it was his responsibility; it would have been a failure to let the younger and second who was Raphael, defend him. But had Donnie not said he doubted Leonardo was the eldest? Had Splinter, immediately seeing more docility and promise in Leo, reversed their birth order? No one would ever know and it did not matter, because the tables had turned. Leo, for the moment, was the purveyor and Raph in a weak position, but that could change. Thanks to his false identity he would do everything he could to give Leo all he had ever wanted. Leonardo did not know that this man in front of him, all muscle and older than he, was his little brother and would not feel obliged to defend him. Raph could finally take on the role of his brother’s shield, which he had always felt predestined.   
  
“Rick?”   
  
Raph startled. He had to learn to react more quickly to this name.   
  
“I am sorry, I know I’m boring,” Leo apologized. “I have little company myself and I am not very interesting. I'm not used to long conversations anymore.”   
  


“Not at all! I want to know ya, but I don’t dare ask ya questions. There are a lot of topics that seem to scare ya and I don’t want to... make ya feel uncomfortable.”   
  
Raph was going to say ‘lose you’but he thought that such a statement might be premature.   
  
“Rick, I mean no offense, but actually there are several topics I don’t want to talk about,” Leo sighed. “More specifically everything that touches on my past or my intimate life. It's nothing against you. I don’t find you particularly talkative about yourself either, but that does not concern me. Let's talk about tomorrow. If you want, we can go shopping. You may need personal items in addition to clothing.”   
  
Raph blushed. Did Leo know he had taken his underwear? He did not have the time to go deeper into the question or to justify himself because Leo, the person who still had a plan, continued.   
  
“I could help you search for jobs and apartment if you want. You can also type up your resume, I have a laser printer. You would be able to print them. If you want, I can even leave you my car on Monday so that you can distribute them.”   
  
Raph bit his lip. The situation was impossible. His certificate was awarded to Raph Harrison. His license, his cards, everything was in that name. Leo would see it. Moreover, he was not even sure he could get a personal reference from the garage where he had been employed for three years. Although he was very good, the best even at what he does, his boss had often criticized his way of life and his unpredictable mood. Plus Raph had left without warning, so it was unlikely he had a good reference from that place.

 

He had been really careless and had to pay the price. Leonardo must never know that he was Raphael or that he had committed so many wrongdoings. The slightest misstep and the policeman with the soul of a ninja, who was Leo would discover the truth and reject Raph from his life again. And Raphael could not survive a new ostracism on the part of Leonardo.

It was the loss of his affection that had led him so low in the first place, and reliving that hell was beyond his strength. Even assuming that Leo discovered he was Raph Harrison and not Rick and did not make the connection immediately with his brother Raphael, a simple search for that name in Nevada would certainly lead to his mugshot for each time he had been arrested. And Leo would not be indulgent.   
  
The only way out was to join the secret services for a new identity. But Raphael, unlike Leo himself or Donnie had never sought to maintain these relationships out of pride. His past mistakes never stopped tormenting him. 

 

Raph put his head in his hands. Donatello could help him, but he had no idea where to find him. Yes, it was the best solution, he had to find Donnie and quickly. Leo had plans and he could not push his help, without appearing badly and that was not an option.   
  
“Rick? Are you OK ? Did I upset you?” Leo asked, misunderstanding his silence.   
  
“I have to contact my college, in Reno, to get some copies of certificates. I did not bring them, I just thought about that. It may take a week, or two. I'm sorry, I left too quickly. I am impulsive and... well, then losing my wallet and all that. You have to start thinking that I made everything up…”   
  
“No. I saw you pay for your drinks at the bar. You had five or six hundred dollar banknotes, as well as ID cards. I also saw that you had a cell in your pocket because you took it out once to look at the time, I suppose. So, you had these things at the bar and indeed, no more one you were at my place, so the Dragons robbing you is the only explanation. Nobody would have taken a stabbing on purpose, either.” Leo explained, seriously.” In addition,” he went on, “I left you money that you used conscientiously. Also, the lock on the door to my room has not been picked . I trust you and I apologize for doubting you and putting pressure on you right now. I may have lived as a hermit for too long and let my bad past experiences control my life. Having a company with someone I can trust could be good for me. Especially," Leo added with a smile," if that person's goal is to make sure my stomach is always full and satisfied. It's October first. You can easily spend the month here. Do what you need at your own pace, I will not talk about it anymore. You respect my discomfort on certain points of my life and I will respect yours.”   
  
Raph sighed. He had been a dumbass if he had been able to forget the how sharp Leo’s observation skill were. That he did not recognize Raph was a miracle. He had to use this opportunity. 

 

Raphael was throwing him burning lustful look. It was impossible his elder brother did not notice. Leo, however, did not comment about that, out of decency no doubt. Besides, it was a point he had to correct as quickly as possible. He could not regain his brother's esteem with  desire so obvious on his face, even more so if Leo was chaste, like at that moment when he must be obvious in his urge to press his lips on those in front of him.   
  
Leo paid the bill and smiled at Raphael and asked him if he wanted to go home.   
  
“You talked about a movie theater, right?”   
  
Leo nodded and they went to see a film, which Raphael later did not remember at all. Throughout the presentation, Raphael had tried to keep his arms crossed. That body, so desirable, within reach, gave him ants in his pants. He had wanted to drape his arm over Leo’s shoulders and bring the body closer to his. He had never struggled so hard against his impulses and he lived as a martyr. The worst was that Leo had seemed to be cold, but he absolutely hadn’t dare to make the slightest move to warm him. If he had had a coat or jacket, he could have relieved his brother, but the only heat he’d had was his own body heat and he hadn’t trusted himself to be closer to Leo.   
  
After the movie, they returned to Leo's home, and Raph felt like he was walking on hot coals. He had never been into displays of affection. He had never held hands with anyone for a romantic purpose, but Leo's abandoned hand caught his attention and he kept staring at it, wanting to grab and keep it in his. He had to stop seeing his brother as a lover or potential life partner, immediately before the situation, which was already precarious, slipped completely from his grasp. Certainly, Leo was sexy, but many men and women were, and Raph had not been obsessed with them. The desire to find his brothers again and be liked by them, and particularly Leo, was playing with his head.

 

Once back in the appartement, a certain awkwardness took possession of them at the moment when Leo went to close the door to his room. Leo's pure eyes rose for a moment to Raph’s and he thought for a moment that Leo had an expectation in his look, but it was fleeting. The desire to kiss Leonardo was far from being so fleeting and Raphael clenched his fists to the point that his nails entered his flesh of his palms, to prevent him from approaching that cute face and capture his brother’s lips, which he guessed to be sweet.   
  
“I had a nice evening, Rick. The best in a long time. Thank you.”   
  
If Raphael had been a cartoon, he would have been nothing but a puddle, licking himself with emotions at Leo's sincere appreciation. Only this ‘Rick’ came to hold his joy; but if Leo had said his real name, the only barrier preventing him from not molesting his brother would have fallen.   
  
"It makes me just as happy, Lee,” Raph answered hoarsely.   
  
Leo shook his head gently.   
  
“No, you deserved to call me Leo. This is my real name, the one reserved for those I trust. Good night, Rick.”   
  
Leo closed the door, leaving a Raph torn by contrary feelings. He did not deserve Leo's trust, but getting it made him delirious. He did not have to ruin everything when he was in such good shape to reach his goal. Once again, between his sheets, he promised himself again that he was having fun thinking about him for the last time. From tomorrow, he would resume his senses, and become only Leonardo's best friend.


	4. Chapter 4

The following days were the same, with Raph making good progress in his friendship with Leonardo.

He had his atm cards redone because he needed his money, not wanting to look like a golddigger. He had promised Leo he would repay him with his ‘savings’, that is to say, his state payment on November 1st. He calculated to the nearest dollar what he owed his brother and gave him everything.

Raphael had bought the bare necessities, such as toiletries, but as for his clothes, that was another story.

He had never tried on anything in his life, buying everything and not asking opinions or paying attention to the price. But this was Leo's money and Raph did not want to take advantage. He also used this excuse to ask him for his opinion on every piece of clothing. He left with two pairs of jeans, three shirts and five clean t-shirts and underwear. It would be enough for a few days.

Having paid his dues to Leo, who’d accepted it without haste, Raph swayed on whether he should find a job or not. His state payments were sufficient as income, since they was equal to the average American salary. He could pretend to go and come back from work. For the moment, he only paid for half the groceries, but he should not appear to get used to it. He was not a gigolo for fuck sake!

Raph also wanted, after looking so shabby in front of his brother, to be able to go out with Leo to some fancy restaurant, to impress him and spend a nice moment with Leonardo. Not a romantic restaurant, just a quiet one, with great ambiance, relaxing, with dimmed lighting, because Leo was far too stressed.

Raph wanted also to reward his brother’s kindness with some kind of thoughtful present.

It wouldn’t be going on date or giving gift like he would do for a boyfriend or a lover. He only wanted to dote on Leo as his brother and best friend, because Leo deserved to be treated as such. It was a common thing, right? But, even if he was full of good intent, all of this costed money. So working was mandatory.

Besides, if in the most frightful scenario, Leo could kick him out after discovering his identity, and he would need to have some savings to try to survive elsewhere. Only a regular job could give him that.

Moreover, lying to Leo again, not only about his past life, but about his current life, pretending to go to work while wasting time in a Dunkin Donuts was repugnant to him.

On the other hand, he did not want to work too much, not out of laziness, but so he could always arrive at home before Leonardo, to prepare meals or runs the errand for him. Raph did not want to work on the weekends either, to remain available for Leonardo, who was free then. Being a newcomer and finding a job with the schedule he wanted was hard.

Raph went to the first garage and put the cards on the table. He was the best at what he did and showed the certificate he’d been given by Donnie. He gave a demonstration of his talent and imposed the rule of ‘no questions / no lies’. Raphael informed them that a low salary would be okay, as long as he had the schedule he wanted, that everyone called him Rick and that no one ever tried to find out more.

The boss agreed but offered a salary well below Raphael’s skill. That still would make a good extra $1,500 a month anyway, which would allow him to better support Leo. The proposed schedule was from 8:30 am to 3:00 pm, Monday to Friday, except on Wednesdays when his shift ended at noon. Raph had agreed. He would be back home before 3:30 pm, leaving him nearly an hour to shower, doll up and prepare Leo's meal.

Raph frowned, angry with himself while he was thinking about that. Since when did he act as a model housewife from back before Vietnam? It was not him. His desire to please Leonardo carried him to incredible ends.

He shrugged. The important thing was that it worked, right? Leo seemed to like him and anyway, without Leo, he should have done his meals like that anyway. At least Leonardo, who worked hard, also benefited. No, it was not the housework that made Raph twitch, but rather his desire to please physically. Because he began to admit it, his behavior was neither that of a brother nor of a friend.

His fetishistic fixations had worsened, he now delved subtly into the dirty laundry in the basement to extract clothes his brother had worn, sniffing the smell while jerking off. His self-gratification sessions had not diminished and despite his promises, he could not help but feed his fantasies of the image of his roommate and brother.

The more Leonardo showed him friendship and affection, the more Raph’s desire increased and the struggle to hide this attraction was difficult.

Yes, he admitted, he had sometimes had mild thoughts of questionable nature about his brother, when he was a mutant. Often, when that desire had became too powerful, he’d drowned himself in alcohol. But even this alternative was forbidden because Leo abhorred drunkenness.

It was a Friday afternoon and Raph stared at the ceiling of his room, Leo’s underwear in his hand, which he kept hidden under his mattress with his identity papers and his sai. He had still struggled against the almost irrepressible urge to wear one of his brother's uniforms, fearing Leo walking in on him.

He was sick, Raph had decided about himself, and his recent abstinence must have been the cause. Yes, having a good, quick fuck with a pretty woman would fix his head. He had not seen one naked for more than two weeks and it must have affected him more than he would have thought. The porn sites were impossible on the PC; if Leo came across it in his history, Raph would die of shame.

He thought that to get out of this rut, he had to try to resume a normal life. Certainly, by dwelling only on the beautiful statue that was Leo, his thoughts were altered. Tonight, he was going to put the bridle on his own neck, to his galloping libido, and put a brake on all these unhealthy fantasies. This chastity had to be the only reason for this irrational and incestuous obsession.

When Leo came back, Raph found his erection was as hard as titanium, and he decided to take the bull by the horns and move forward.

“Tonight, I go out, if you don’t mind.”

Leo looked at him, slightly dazed. Since ‘Rick’ had become his roommate, they had spent every evening together. Leo must have decided it was selfish though because he answered with a guilty expression.

“Oh, uh, okay. No problem. I understand, I am not a very entertaining person.”

“That has nothing to do with,” Raph interrupted him indignantly. “I just have ... needs. Needs that ya can’t fill. Like what a girl can give me,” he stammered, ashamed, suddenly finding his idea pathetic.

Leo blushed to a point where Raph did not know if it was cute or laughable.

“I understand. Of course, you are free to do as you wish.”

They ate almost in silence, Raph still hesitating over whether it was a good idea or not. Leo seemed disappointed or hurt. How could Raph explain he was lusting over his own brother and needed to get laid to allow him to stay within the limits of sanity?

Raph scoffed for the hundredth time. Leo was not his lover, only a friend and a brother. He had to treat him as such, otherwise, the situation would escape him. He had to immediately break the shackles that held him unilaterally to Leonardo. It was for the future good of both of them.

After the meal, Raph took a quick shower, put on his old clothes from Nevada and was about to leave when Leo spoke to him.

“Rick? Ready already? Why not put on your new clothes, like your red shirt with long sleeves?”

Raph shrugged, not understanding where Leo was going with this.

“Bah, I keep the new ones to go out with ya. These will do the trick.”

Leo looked dumbfounded. “I don’t understand. You should put more effort into seducing new potential lovers than me. Your appearance does not matter when it’s just the two of us.”

“I’m not looking for a new lover. Only a momentary relief,” Raph replied, too quickly.

“Oh,” was all that Leo said but his judgment filled the whole room.

Raph shook his head. He had to fuck or he would go nuts. He was already in deep. He could not fantasize about his brother more than half the time and feel guilty about it the rest of the day. It was driving him crazy and he had to do something.

“But, will you ... come back? Alone?” Leo asked, flushed.

Raph’s heart fluttered. Leo seemed eager to have Raph close to him.

“Yes, of course,” he assured him. “A stop at the motel, I do my little business and I'm back before 2 am.”

“But I don’t understand... why would a girl or a guy,” Leo added with diplomacy, ”would accept being used as a one-night stand?”

Raph did not know what to answer. Fearless had a concept of romantic relationships that eluded him.

“Because it's like that,” was the only answer he found, as pitiful as it was. He could not say that New York city clubs were full of sluts and Leo was the weirdo, even if it was what he thought.

He felt the rift in his soul when he left Leo's house. His whole being screamed in protest. He wanted to spend a quiet evening on the sofa just a few inches from Leo, listening to Star Trek or whatever. Why was he going out? Was it really going to change anything? He was starting to doubt it strongly.

Shortly before closing the door on the last goodbye, Raph had seen Leo's eyes, resigned and disappointed, and he had had to get control of himself so as not to rush to his knees to beg for forgiveness. Never had he felt such pressure to be loved by anyone, and even though Raph tried to find reasonable grounds for feeling such strong feelings, he believed less and less.

He was so drawn to Leo, so stirred by his brother’s pained look, that the only reason he managed to leave at all was because he thought he would lose it and kiss him.

He entered the first bar and offered a drink to the first apparently easy-going girl he saw. He did not want to drink too much, but he had the impression that if he didn’t, he would lack courage, so incredibly inconsistent it seemed.

Six drinks later, without having any desire, he stopped with his conquest at the nearest motel. She tried languidly to remove her top, trying to give him a show, but Raph found this attempt pathetic. Maybe made nervous by Raph’s stiff demeanor, she took a small bag of cocaine out from her purse and offered it to him.

Raph hesitated. He had no desire to relapse, but he needed a damn distraction to get out of this accursed attraction and he felt that maybe without it he would back off, or fail to have a boner.

But even high and having a blowjob, while thinking only of Leonardo, Raph’s cock was unresponsive. His plan to change his own mind had totally messed up, as his subconscious already suspected. He would have no pleasure or relief tonight, nothing but an even heavier weight on his heart. Every caress was repugnant to him and it was not because she was a girl. Whether she was a man, a mutant, a fairy, or an animal, it did not matter because she was not the one he wanted, whatever he was wasted or not. The image of the one he really wanted remained clear to his mind and he would not find peace until he had fulfilled that desire.

Raph got back at 2:30 in the morning, bloodshot-eyes, rubbing his nose, and reeking of perfume, sex, and alcohol. He had managed to get hard, but only with his eyes shut, thinking it was Leo’s nice ass he was tapping, instead of the girl’s. Ashamed, he swore to himself it would be the last time.

He was petrified, though he would die, when he saw Leo, straight as a log, waiting for him in the living room. It was just as before, in their lair, when Raph had returned from running topside, breaking skulls with Casey. His hand went to his chest and his breath caught through his throat. What malicious entity had caused Leo to wait for him and witness his condition?

With the most laughable immaturity, Raph tried to avoid Leo, sneaking against the wall with his hair hiding his face.

"Ya didn’t have to wait for me," he whispered in a low voice.

“I'm sorry, Rick. I couldn’t help myself. I could not sleep until I was assured you were safe. You are my friend, in a foreign city and the Dragons…”

Raph did not listen to anything, magnetized by his beautiful face, moved by the touching anxiety that reminded him of all those times, long ago.

He mumbled a word of excuse, very unworthy of Leo's long wait, when he needed to wake-up in three hours. He did not want his brother to approach and see his decrepit state. And also, because at this moment he was so close to lost it. If Leo landed a hand on him, Raph would pin him on the ground and have his way with him, to the hell with incest.

His desire was so pervasive that he trembled and it was impossible for Leonardo to notice it. He thought back in a flash of guilt at the loss of time that had been his evening. Leo, his beloved had languished waiting for him, despite the fatigue, without a word of reproach, while he was having sex and getting coked-up. To do what? To prove what? That he did not want Leonardo? It had been a failure because, on the contrary, his guilty envy was more alive than ever. Caressing another body had made him more eager to touch that one.

But, in the face of Leonardo’s sad expression, he had to admit that the fact that his heart was shattered in front of the display, proved perhaps that his feelings went beyond the physical barrier. He did not want to fuck Leo and move on. He wanted to be loved, romantically, and to love him in return.

The blue eyes became interrogators and before they became suspicious, Raph knew he had to flee, hide, remove himself from the pure and innocent look of his brother. He fled like a culprit, refusing to meet the anxious look of his friend again.

He closed the door of his room and took his head in his hands. Everything was clear now and it was undeniable, just as disgusting as it was. He was in love with his brother. And that feeling was not ready to go away.

\---

Three hours later, Raph did not get up to prepare Leo's breakfast or enjoy his company. It was not because he was sleeping. He distinctly heard Leo get up and go down to the basement but he did not have the courage to face him, not when the awareness of his feelings was still fresh. Moreover, his pitiful state was still to be seen, and he never wanted to see the beautiful face that haunted his dreams, twisted with disgust.

Before seeing Leonardo again, he had to think of a well-established plan of action.

What was good was that he, Raph, was on leave, while Leo was working well into the afternoon, giving Raph time to recover. He had a terrible desire to go down and spy on his brother dancing his lethal kata. The vision energized him physically but soothed him mentally, as confusing as it seemed.

Or, take a relic from under his bed and relieve himself with it, which was less risky. He sighed.

He had to think about what he really wanted to do with Leonardo.

He wished to be his best friend. The young policeman did not seem to have a legion of friends, so the position was indisputably close at hand. But, he wanted to address all facets of this role of best friend: to be the confident, the comforter, the protector. And he was far off the mark for the moment. He had only two weeks left to convince Leo that he was there for him and that they were made for each other.

Arg! Again this thought. "Stop lying to yourself, Raph, you want him as a boyfriend. But that is impossible! Leo is too good for you and he doesn’t want any connections, he told you himself. Not to mention that he's your brother. He doesn’t know it, but you are perfectly aware of it and you can’t lead Leo to commit a criminal act. He will never forgive you."

Against nature, criminal, disgusting or whatever other qualifiers one could attach to his feelings, it remained, unfortunately, an undeniable love. And it scared the shit out of Raph.

Raph had to admit that he had never felt this way for anyone. His girlfriends had only served to release a long sexual frustration. But where was the source of this frustration? Lack of potential partners in the sewers or... that he could not have the one he really wanted and lived with on a daily basis?

As far back as he could remember, his feelings about Leonardo had always been troubled, not feeling this antagonism towards his two other brothers. Leo always managed to push him to extremes, without even trying. All this time, Leo had been the sole object of an unacknowledged passion, from where the endless despair of having been rejected by him? He had heard everything that was said about first love. But can he speak of first love when it was not shared?

Raph was mortified. No need to dwell on how and why, and since when. It was a sterile debate. He had to focus on what he was going to do to survive in the present situation, where he was drowning.

He wanted Leonardo. He wanted him and he loved him. It was indisputable. Would he try to pursue this aspiration? He thought for a long time and decided that ... no. He did not have what he wanted from Leo now, but he had almost achieved his original goal of being appreciated again by him. It was little but better than nothing.

A thin blanket with holes to protect him from cold nights, as he dreamed of lush furs to keep him warm. Raph, in his sleepless nights in Las Vegas, had not wished for more, and he had to stop there. Yes, the pain of not being able to touch Leo as he wanted to hurt him, but with a retrospective thrill, he remembered the darkness that had been his life before. Of course, he could not have Leo in his bed, but he never had him! To see his blue eyes sparkling with gratitude in front of pancakes in the morning, on the other side of the table, was a precious commodity that he did not want to lose.

How many times, sitting at a gaming table, when casing a joint, had Raph lost everything by trying to get more? When he had left everything, with Lisa, was he not a hair’s breadth from being seized? He had to learn from his mistakes and be content with what he had. Yes, he would spend his life wanking in secret with underwear, but it was a lesser evil than losing Leo forever.

If he was to risk seeking something more, the conclusion was inevitable. Either there was the very likely scenario that Leo, outraged by the advances of ‘Rick’, would chase him off, or else he would oppose him with a polite and cold refusal, which would force a mortified Raph to leave the place. Or, alternatively, and far less credibly, Leo would accept to be his lover and one day or another he would discover that Rick and Raph were one and the same, and that they were committing incest with Raphael's knowledge.

No matter what happened, it did not bode well for him.

Whereas if he maintained and developed their friendship and one day Leo discover the truth, he would have nothing to reproach Raphael for. For example, if his brother discovered everything in two years, he could only congratulate Raph on his happy change of personality.

"Yeah, a whole lot of change. Did you not have sex with a stranger yesterday and put several grams of alcohol and coke in your blood? Yes, Leo would be so glad."

He should not do that anymore. Yesterday had been a big mistake, both for himself and in his complicated relationship with Leonardo. Although, miraculously, Leo had not seemed to know the extent of the activities of Raphael's party, even though the disappointment of the young man with black hair had seemed obvious.

Yes, he had to prove himself, before his brother guessed his true identity, to increase his chances of forgiveness. So, obviously, lascivious or enamored looks were not something that would earn him credit in Leonardo's book. He could not, for the moment, be cured of this criminal desire, then he would follow the wave, but remaining as subtle as possible. If Leo could be abstinent… and what a waste that was!... he could too. All he had to do was consider it a challenge, such as the ones Leo and Raph had just launched.

He glanced at the digital clock. It was 6:40 am and Leo was now in the shower, naked, his black hair soaked, with trickling water running over his athletic body, which Raph could follow with his tongue. He saw the scene in his imagination as his hand moved down.

He saw Leo's face, eyes closed, his face clenched in expectation of pleasure that rose slowly, while Raph kisses the inside of his thighs while stroking the firm buttocks that had haunted the world of his fantasies since he had seen Leo in uniform. Then, he would gently take Leo's now hard rod between his lips, while teasing with his tongue, and his fingers would breach delicately his silky skin to prepare Leo for the rest. Spasms of pleasure would begin to rise in Leo and under his tongue, the slightly salty taste of Leo's cum would invade his mouth.

"Gnnnnn!”

Raph came, staining the white boxers. His fantasies about his big brother gave him such intense excitement that Raph never had the time to imagine as far as penetration. If one day, he really had the opportunity to make love to Leonardo, he was unlikely to impress him with his stamina.

He shook his head. Enough of these ridiculous rantings. It was not like it was going to happen. Had he not made the decision not to pursue his brother with his assiduity a quarter of an hour ago? Yet he was there, thinking of the exact taste Leo must have.

His boxers, even the ‘dirty ones’ were immaculate. Likewise, no napkin or piece of cloth seemed to have mopped up any body fluid. Leo had to relieve himself manually? He could not stay so stoic without sometimes making a little treat, right? Discovering it had become an obsession for Raph, making him comb through any textile that had been used by Leo, even the sheets. The only explanation was to be handkerchiefs in his room, but Leo emptied his own basket into the common black bag for the whole apartment. Did he go down as low as garbage to find out if his brother was masturbating or not? If he did, and Raph had the proof, what would he do next? Frame it? Keep it in his wallet? What kind of nutcase had he become?

Back in reality, he had a moment's hesitation. Leo, at this very moment, had to get dressed and he would see in a few minutes that, for the first time in two weeks, Raph was not there to present him his cup of tea and his breakfast. He closed his eyes, feeling the sticky traces of his orgasm on his abdomen, like acid, burning with shame.

He could not face Leonardo, not now. He had to assimilate this new feeling, now that he had admitted it. At this moment, this realization overwhelmed him so much that he did not have the moral strength to act as if nothing had happened and to adopt a nonchalant attitude by stretching out the cup to Fearless.

With a twinge in his heart, he distinctly heard Leo leaving their home without having taken the time to eat. With rapture, Raph realized that yesterday, too tormented by his project, he had failed to prepare a bento for Leo. He had not even opened the fridge. Perhaps, yesterday during the long hours he was alone, Leo had noticed the absence of his usual lunch.

Raphael drank the worst insults. What would Leo think? Yesterday, he had not prepared his bento, too eager to go out, he had returned, visibly intoxicated, in the wee hours, leaving Leo shifted all evening without news and, this morning, he had not bothered to get up for him. Leo must have felt neglected, which he did not deserve, after all his marks of kindness. All this because he had not managed to control his fucking stupid emotions!

Raph waited more than an hour before leaving his room, to be sure that Leo did not come back.

Now that eight o'clock had struck, Leo could not return, having started his shift, Raph felt confident enough to leave his lair. He began by doing laundry, washing an armful of whites, adding the soiled undergarment. Then, after searching in vain for a trace of Leo’s libido, he went back to prepare breakfast.

While making an omelet, he thought. He really had to impress Leo tonight, not only culinarily, but also by being entertaining and pleasant, to make up for the shitty evening Leo had had the night before.

Suddenly, he noticed a note on the table that he had not seen.

_‘Rick. Sorry about yesterday. I will leave you more space. L.’_

He gave a sigh of exasperation. Raph did not want ‘more space’ in the end, he did not want space between them at all. But how to explain that? He kept sending Leo contrary signals. He thought of something friendly and simple like playing cards tonight. Although it had always bothered them tremendously, it had always had a therapeutic effect on Leo if Raph remembered it well. Leo often became open at that time.

While his mind was wandering in spite of himself to imagine a game of strip poker, he noticed that he smelled really bad. He decided he might as well continue his fantasy card games in the shower.

Soon he was under the jet of hot water, and his thoughts resumed the course.

Leo had lost a sleeve and very slowly, he unbuttoned his black shirt, delivering to the dazzled eyes of Raph, his chest in all its perfection. Then, when it would be his turn to undress, Leo would ask him to let him do it and his arms would pull Raph's t-shirt over his head, his hands sliding along his tattooed biceps and, pressing to his bare chest, Leo would stretch his lips and...

The bathroom door swung open, delivering a pale Leonardo, who rushed to his knees to vomit guts and guts in the bowl.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> art by Saky Chan

 

 

Raphael did not even think of turning the water cold to lose his erection. He opened the translucent glass panel of the shower and rushed to Leonardo with panicked urgency, gently caressing the police officer's bent back.

“Leo? What’s wrong?”

Leonardo looked at him from the corner of his eye, shuddering in sight of Raph’s nudity.

“It's okay... get away.”

Raph pulled back, removing his hands as if Leo's touch had burned him and pulled the first towel within reach to him, hide the lower part of his body.

After vomiting again, Leo articulated painfully, “Can you leave me alone?”

Raphael did not have to be asked twice and left the bathroom, even if leaving Leo alone was not what he wanted to do. He ran to get dressed and came back to outside the bathroom.

“What is going on? Are you sick?” he asked Leo from behind the wall, distraught. “Maybe the fish yesterday …”

“Please, don’t worry. It's nothing,” Leo assured in a pained voice, from the bathroom, before finally opening the door. “It has nothing to do with your meals. Something happened... at work,” the policeman replied, livid.

“What? Did you lose your job?”

Leo shook his head, his hair now shining with sweat.

“No,” he replied weakly.

“Talk to me! What happened?” Raph insisted.

“Nothing important. I’m making a fuss over nothing.”

Raph was going to reply that Leo never exaggerated. If his normally imperturbable brother vomited with anxiety, something really terrible must have happened. However, he could not say aloud what he thought, given he was not supposed to know Leo that well at this point. So instead he pressed him with a question.

“No. I’m positive it must have been a serious event. Was there a mass murder? A massacre? Did you find about a child who had been trafficked? It is only 9 am. What could have happened that was so bad at this hour? You barely had time to go back to work! Ya didn’t have time to witness anything!”

“I was called into the office. I was shown photos. I was offered two weeks medical leave, with pay... so I could recover. With police protection. But, I only accepted a week... I don’t want to... embarrass you by being always here,” Leo struggled to explain.

“Ya don’t embarrass me! On the contrary, I…” Raph nervously swallowed the end of the sentence and continued, “What happened?”

“Nothing. Purple Dragon’s threat.”

“What did it say? Did they threaten to kill ya? What exactly do they have against you?”

“No, much worse,” Leo told him. “Everyone knows that I don’t fear death. I have personally stopped all or most of their drug trafficking operations in the last six months. The availability of hard drugs, like cocaine, has dropped by about 50% since I’ve been on duty. It seems that the price has increased by 120%. This sounds like a small accomplishment, but with this price increase, minors can no longer afford this type of product as frequently, thus decreasing the chances of addiction.”

Raph looked at Leo admiringly. Even while he was still shaking with stress, he took his role of vigilante to heart. Really, he was not worthy to live under the same roof as him. But what did Leo mean by much worse than death?

“I don’t have to feel sorry for myself. My boss gave me the file, at my insistence. I only looked at all the pictures once I got here. I did not know... the content before leaving the station. I need to analyze it.”

Raph, helpless, still saw Leo storming into his room, slamming the door behind him. He stayed there only a quarter of an hour though.

“I’m going to train, do you want to come with me?” he asked Raph as he came out, locking the up behind him.

“Leo, you barely slept. And did you eat? You should rest,” Raph retorted, concern obvious on his face.

Leo shook his head stubbornly. “I need to practice. I lost muscle mass. I must be ready to defend myself in case of an attack,” Leo explained. “Have you ever practiced martial arts?”

What a trap-question! He would love to duel with his brother, but Leo would quickly recognize his style. Could he pretend to be a little talented? Or would it be better to deny?

“So-so,” he replied.

“On duty, I have a truncheon I can use as a tonfa. I also always have my personal weapon, even when I'm not on duty. Unfortunately, I'm especially comfortable with katanas and it's not like I can go out with them strapped on my back. So I have to practice tonfa, since I already aim very well with the gun, and also with bare hands. It is at this moment that I regret the absence of my brother Raphael. Maybe I should ask Michael…”

“Why? What did this special brother have?” Raph eagerly asked.

“Oh, he was the best of us four at tonfa and bare hands. Even if the tonfa was only a second weapon of predilection. I admit that some knowledge might be as relevant. Easier to conceal than a sword. But I have not touched a sai for years. It makes me think too much about Raphael.”

Raph was trying to command his face to show only polite curiosity, but the reality was that he was hanging on his brother's words. Would he know what his brother thought of him?

“So what? Why is thinking of this brother a bad thing?”

“I don’t like to think about Raphael. He went wrong. I feel responsible. This is the reason for my fierce fight against drug trafficking. Raphael became a drug addict, according to my brother Don,” Leo explained, his face twisting with sorrow. “Donnie gave him money and the opportunity to turn over a new leaf and still, Raph ruined everything. My brother did an investigation... I don’t want to talk about it,” Leo finished, his voice hoarse.

That asshole, Don, Raph swore in his head. It was crystal clear now. Leo should NEVER discover that he was Raph. It was decided, he would die under the identity of ‘Rick’.

Raph used the dumbbell as he watched Leo train. He was trying not to think about what Leo had told him and to focus on what could have upset his brother, who had such an impassive nature.

The day passed and Leo locked himself into his inner world more than ever and Raph was going crazy looking for a way to break his walls. Leo politely refused to eat and if he agreed to sit with Raph in front of the television, it was to fix the screen with a stare, which he remained immersed in an inner world where Raph could not be.

Leo went to bed early, leaving a Raphael cursing his helplessness. After two hours also watching without seeing the screen, Raphael went to bed.

He was jerking off as usual, when a noise made him stop all movement. It was a groan from the other side of the wall. Was Leo ...? To engage in the same activity as Leo at the same time excited Raph and he pumped his cock with more eagerness for a few moments. Then words mingled with moans, which Raph realized now were not from pleasure.

“No... stop... I don’t want to…”

Raph followed his instinct. He got up immediately and, with a kick, he smashed Leo's bedroom door.

It was still that same instinct which made him able avoid the bullet that came flying toward him, and which now had pierced a hole in the wall, where his head had been a few moments earlier.

Raph turned on the ceiling light, to stressed out to realize how close his brush with death had been.

“Shit! Leo, it's only me! You were screaming and I thought…”

To this, Leo only frowned.

“How did you avoid my bullet?”

Raph was bewildered.

“What? That's all you find to say to me? Did you want to kill me?” he asked, upset.

“No, not at all... I thought... How could you...? I'm a sharpshooter,” Leo stammered, seeming distressed.

Raph could not tell him he was a Ninja and a bad boy, and thus it was not the first time he had avoided a gun aimed to him.

“You are trembling, that's why,” Raph lied. ”What is this all about?? Tell me! I’m not leaving until you've spilled the beans!”

Leo panicked for a moment and hid his wrist holding the weapon, where he usually put his watch. In fact, Raph had never seen it without the watch, he suddenly realized. And he immediately understood. The shameful mark of the ex-mutants that Donnie had wanted to burn in his flesh and that he had refused. The good little soldier that was Leo, had to accept it.

“Don’t look at me. Don’t look around you,” he begged.

Raph was fed up with Leo's secrets and suddenly he remembered that with Leo everything was a balance of power. It was enough of the compliant Rick. Leo needed a good kick up the ass and Raph was going to give it to him. Raph ostentatiously looked around him, showing that he was not afraid of Leo, despite him holding a weapon.

The room was similar to Leo's in their lair, with some pictures of them, mutants on the walls. The katanas were hung above Leo's bed and a meditation mat was on the floor.

Raph approached and tore the gun from Leo's hands.

“Drop it before you harm someone!” He pointed to the wrist that bore the mark of the lab. “You don’t have to be ashamed of that. Nor of that,” he continued pointing at the photos. “I am not here to judge you. You have nothing to hide ... I love you as you are. As a friend,” he said, embarrassed.

Then he looked at the gun. It was a revolver that he had already seen in a specialized magazine. ‘Blue Hero’ it was called because of the blue encrusted crystals. It was a $2,500 weapon if he remembered correctly. Acquiring an object as bling-bling and flashy as this was not like Leo. The word ‘Fearless’ was engraved in the aluminum, which moved him, but raised questions. He was the only one to name Leo that way. Who dared to use his nickname for his brother? His blood flared up with jealousy.

“What is this? Liberace’s gun? And why ‘Fearless’? This is your nickname in the police?”

“It's a long story…” Leo sighed, passing a nervous hand through his black hair.

“And I have a lot of time in front of me,” Raph sneered. He was done with Leo’s secrets. He wanted to help him, to heal him. To treat him like a precious thing, as Leo deserved to be.

“I received this revolver in the army. It's a gift. I should have gotten rid of it... but it would have been weak, you understand? So, I decided to keep it close to me as a ‘lesson’ for the future. Never let down my guard again. As for the nickname… it’s a reminder of who I’m supposed to be. I... My brother called me that. He would be very disappointed with me now,” Leo concluded, suddenly gloomy.

“Don’t ya dare be thinking that! Yer amazing and yer bro’s gotta know that!” Raph snapped.

Leo wrapped his arms around himself, trembling. Talking seemed to have accentuated his anguish, tears almost threatening to flow. Raphael, upset by this rare demonstration of weakness, spoke again without thinking.

“Listen, I can’t leave you like this. Instead of sleeping with this ridiculous gun to protect yourself, keep me with you. I'll deal with anyone or anything that comes through that door. Nobody will hurt you on my watch, got it?”

Saying this, and still without thinking, more in big brother and friend mode, he slipped under the blankets without waiting for Leo’s agreement.

Leo lay back, but did not protest, and made no remark when Raph wrapped his arms around him. It was then that he realized that he had made a big mistake in venturing so far and that he was in deep shit. Leo, under the blankets, against him, was completely naked, too. This desirable body was finally in his arms, but a glance at Leo revealed that he was not in the mood for romance or sex.

Leo’s blue eyes stubbornly closed and his body still trembling, Raph found that his older brother had a more fragile and juvenile appearance than he had first noticed.

He had never seen him so closely as a human. He detailed him as he wished. Ebony hair, flawless body… He had never touched Leo either, and now that their bodies were in this suggestive position, Raph would have taken a direct flight to hell to get out of this situation. He should not, under any circumstances, have an erection there and now. He had offered to watch over Leo and should not abuse this position of trust. Leo needed a friend, a brother, and he would stick to that role, period. He tried to think of horrible things. Like this woman who had removed her dentures once for a blow job...

He pressed Leo harder, to reassure him because he was still trembling and at the same time also to be able to express a bit of that love that was stifling him.

“You know, if you miss it, I can call ya Fearless too,” he whispered.

"You see, I'm not without fear,” Leo murmured.

“Hey! You fight the worst gang of thugs in New York to save young people from the hell of drugs. I don't think anyone deserves that title more than ya.”

Suddenly, without being able to stop himself, Raph brushed Leo's shoulder with his lips. It could be an accident, right?

“Sleep now, Fearless. I'm here.”

Raph did not sleep that night. Not only out of duty but also because he did not want to be deprived of a single minute of happiness by sleep. He did not know if Leo would still agree to share his bed with him, or even let him enter his room, again. He had to enjoy every moment.

The next day, Raph had the privilege of his sleepless night pay off. Leo opened his eyes and he was the first thing he saw.

“Thank you, Rick. I really slept well. I felt safe.”

"I'm here for that," said Raph modestly.

“I'm naked... Can you pass me my boxers and the pants on the chair?”

Raph grabbed the requested clothes and held them out, a little taken aback by watching Leo writhing to put the clothes on under the bed sheets and thus remained hidden from Raphael's eyes. Although this shyness allowed Raph to remain a little bit civilized, he could not help but be annoyed.

“Leo, tell me frankly. Are there any other traces on your body of your mutant past than your wrist mark?”

“No, said Leo frankly surprised, “my body is perfect.”

Blushing with embarrassment because he had not intended to make his sentence so vain, he recovered.

“I mean I have no mutant trace. My body is like any man's.”

Raph made a gesture to express that he had understood Leo was not boasting.

“Okay, why are you hiding it, then?”

“I am shy, that's all. I don’t like to expose myself.”

If Raph did not know Leo better, he might have thought it had something to do with the size of his dick. A guy from the arena in Nevada did not want to shower with the others for that reason. But Raph did not believe that was the case with Leo's embarrassment.

Leo got up, waiting for Raph to get out of bed, and seeing that he was not moving but still too polite to throw him out, he yielded.

“I'm going to take a shower.”

When he heard the sound of running water, Raph hesitated half a second. Raph had learned that Leo’s showers ranged from seven to nine minutes every day. He had time.

He was breaking Leo's brand new trust, but he did not care. He urgently needed to know what had tormented Leo so much that he was forced to go on paid leave. He opened the yellow envelope that was on the desk. It was what Leo had had in hand when he had returned from his job, the day before. Raph feverishly read the report.

A double agent, working with Leo, had been caught by the Dragons. Instead of killing him, they had chosen to commit gang rape. The agent was alive, but in a bad shape, at the hospital.

So that was it? Leo felt guilty because of the agent? Then he looked at the pictures. The last one made him shudder. A note had been left on the crime scene.

‘Your nice ass is the next, blue eyes. We know you'll like it.’

That was what Leo feared the most. The rape. And for him to be so scared, he had to ... pieces of puzzles began to take place in Raph’s horrified mind.

When Leo came out of the bathroom, Raph was preparing breakfast. From behind, while cutting onions, his trembling was not obvious and his red-rimmed eyes could be explained.

“Hey, Leo, I made an omelet... cheese, onions, and bacon. Sound good?”

“Oh, thanks Rick, but…”

“If you want to be strong, you have to eat,” Raph replied firmly.” Eggs will give ya protein.”

With an amused laugh, Leo replied, “Ok, Mom.”

Leo drank the tea his roommate served him and read the newspaper, or pretended to read it.

Raph was turning the omelet in the pan as he had already seen Michelangelo do in the past.

  
“I don’t know what I would do without you, Rick,” Leo murmured dreamily. “It's going to be hard to settle for ramen when you'll be gone.”

Raph swallowed heavily with anxiety. It was time to show his hand.

“You know, Leo, I’m not in a hurry to leave. Now that I'm working, I can help you financially more. This five-room apartment with basement is too large for you alone and unnecessarily expensive. The law forbids you from having children and you don’t want romantic relationships. With two of us here everything would be better. I'll help you pay, do housework, I'll do your meals and I'll protect you too.”

Leo smiled sadly, his blues eyes shining with gratitude.

“You are kind, Rick, but don’t ruin your opportunities for me. As an ex-mutant, I have a lonely future. Nothing prevents you from getting married, having children and staying with me would just delay this future. You have better things to do than prepare my meals, Rick. I have abused enough of your generosity and kindness.”

“It's not abusing! I do it because I want to do it,” Raph explained fiercely. ”I don’t want women in my life and I am... sterile. So, that's it.”

“Did you not tell me forty-eight hours ago that you had needs that I could never fill?” Leo retorted.

Raph saw a glimpse of a pout on Leo’s inviting lips. Was his brother was still upset about this? Was he jealous? Raph wondered, feeling excited. Then, he chastised himself to calm down.

“I made a mistake. Listen, I'm not asking for an answer right away. I just want you to think about my offer. I’m serious about living with you long-term. You would be doing me a favor as well.”

“Okay,” Leo sighed, yielding. “But I don’t need money. We can just split the grocery expenses. You had to leave November 1st. We can postpone until January 1st.”

Raph smiled with relief. The Damocles sword suspended above his head parted a little. He did not want to leave Leo anymore. Not only for him but for Leonardo himself.

He had not been there to protect his brother, instead partying with whores he’d picked up in bars, far away from his family. Now he would never leave his side and he would defend him against all the bastards who dared to try and hurt him.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not beta.  
> Beta is away until October 3, so bear with me, until then. I'm working full time on Darkoctober event, but if you want to ask request or see what I'm working on, you can go there.  
> https://trello.com/b/0D6Pc2oN/caroaimezoes-writing-projects and fill the request card.
> 
> Or you can find me on Tumblr at https://caroaimezoe.tumblr.com/

They spent a fantastic week from Raph's point of view. Now Leo was sitting more close to him, not much, only closer maybe from two inches, but this thin victory exalted him. Leo even showed himself bare-chested on Thursday more than five minutes before putting on a t-shirt. He was not locking his bedroom door anymore, and especially, Raph could sleep every night in Leo’s bed.   
  
It had been strange on Sunday night when Raph had followed Leo to his room. He must have foreseen that Raph would do it because he was wearing one of his thin white bamboo boxers instead of being naked. Yes, all that was great except that ... Raph could no longer jerk off, no longer alone in bed or even at all, except when he was at his job, and it was not the place to relieve his tension. 

The shower was the only place he could alleviate his urge, but once a day was not enough. To avoid the suspicion that this obsession with hygiene would inevitably arise, Raph did silly things like training for a short time, but at several intervals, dropping tomato sauce on him and other things that would have seemed not subtle for someone not as desperately blind as Leonardo.

Going to work and leaving his brother alone worried Raph. But he did not want to sound paranoid or harassing, so he was content with a single text on his lunch break to see if he was okay. 

He had not confronted Leo about a possible rape, not wanting to frighten him, even if he was burning to find out. What he also knew was that never, ever, would make a move on Leo, unless of course, Leo begged him. Fearless had suffered enough and he was obviously still deeply traumatized. Raph could not tell him off for that. He would respect Leo's chastity, even if that means to burn himself to ashes of unfulfilled passion. He would remain, as a brother and friend, growing old with Leo, protecting and loving him in silence, since that was what Leonardo needed.   
  
We were on Friday and Raph, was sending a text to Leo.   
  
_ “What's new, Fearless?” _ _   
_   
Usually, Leo's replies were short and neutral like, ‘I'm fine and you? Or ‘Nothing new, what about you?’   
  
But that was not the case.   
  
_ “Rick, I have a favor to ask you! Can you call me when you're done?” _ _   
_ __   
It was out of the question for Raph to wait a minute to give the favor Leo wanted. He called him on the spot.   
  
“Rick, already?”Leo said, stunned by how quick he had been.   
  
“Everything you want, Fearless, I won’t even ask what it is, it's granted!   
  
“Rick, that's nice, but it's a little tricky. My brothers know that I am a little depressed, but they have their lives and can’t watch over me. Donnie has too much work and Mike is too ... sensitive. I told them about you and how you had offered to support me in this difficult time and how I feel bad to ask so much from you.”

Raph silently prayed in his head. It was one thing he was afraid of since the beginning, but always dismissing the idea, too frightening. Of course, being introduced into Leonardo's family was a spectacular forward leap, but what about Don? Would he denounce him to Leo? Donatello knew what Raph looked like and obviously, he also knew what Raph had done in Nevada. Since then, he had been afraid that once time, Leo wanted to introduce him to his sibling.   
  
“Do you want to introduce me to your brothers?” he stammered, already looking for a reason to postpone the fateful meeting that would sound the end of his relationship with Leonardo.   
  
“What? No, of course not!” Leo denied, with a hint of nervosity.   
  
Raph did not know if he should be relieved or not of this fierce denial, but the rest was worse, much worse.    
“My brothers surprised me by contacting an old friend. He doesn’t come from our dimension, but with his appearance, he could be a mutant.” Leo continued with an enthusiasm that was usually foreign to him.“ My brother Donnie has been preparing him paper to settle in New York. Usagi wants to be a policeman too. I talked to my boss and I could have him as an intern for three weeks, to see if he would fit in this career. So, you won’t have to worry anymore, I will have a friend with me at all times. Usagi is a great and noble warrior. So, if you want, you can leave, Usagi would watch over me.”   
  
“Do you want me to leave?”Raph asked in a muffled voice,    
  
“No, of course, you can stay as much as you want. But without me to worry about, you can sleep alone in your bed and …”   
  
“Usagi will sleep with you?” The shock of the new make Raph talk harsher he intended to do..   
  
“No, you'll sleep in your room, because you were there before. Usagi will sleep in the office. I will be confident enough to sleep alone knowing two good friends as you there.”   
  
“How long he would stay?” Raph asked, gritting his teeth. It was not like he could argue. It was Leo’s home, not his. He could not have a say in this when he was not paying a rent.   
  
“Oh, that's the good news. Usagi doesn’t want to go back home anymore. He says our dimension has everything he wants and he wants to build his future here. He will live with us, until he finds a life partner,” he explained and Raph wanted to howl.”Usagi likes to get to know people, he is a very thoughtful man and he doesn’t do anything lightly. He won’t invest with someone he has not known for at least two years. So, that can be long.”   
  
Raphael felt almost steam coming from his ears like he was a cartoon.

“So, what is the favor already?   
  
“I would like to welcome Usagi as it should be. I wanted to know if you would do something special tonight to eat and for three instead of two.”   
  
"Anything for you" Raph answered, trying to not sound too bitter even if he was mad as fuck.

“Ah, thanks, Rick! But I want to help you, it's my friend after all. But he will also be yours, soon, you'll love him! Usagi likes me a lot. He has always been ready for anything for me and my family, of course.”   
  
“Ok, so, I'll try to finish early to do that to you, but don’t touch anything. I don’t want to come home, with all the building burned to the ground.   
  
“I promise you,” Leo chucked, in an obviously very good mood, better than he never had since Raph was living with him. “Do you think my black shirt would fit for the occasion? My friend is very formal and comes from so far.”   
  
It was Raph's ultimate fantasy to see Leo in this shirt and he was going to wear it for another.   
  
"Of course," he growled. “See you later.”   
  
Raph in his life had hated a lot of people. But, apart from Karai and Shredder, there was no one above Usagi. This prick was always so honorable and amiable, and his worship of Leo was obvious for all except Leo, who had seemed never notice the paws lingering on his shell a little too long as Raph did. His eldest brother had always had so a high opinion of the Ronin! 

Usagi was going to snatch Leo under his nose! Maybe even he would put his fluffy paws on him! Raph was ready for abstinence, but if he was to have any, Usagi can’t have more. Win over Usagi to be Leo’s number one would be damn hard. Usagi, beyond his lust for Leo, has nothing to hide, unlike Raphael. This furball might even unmask him, Usagi was cunning. How to make him understand that Leo was his and get rid of him?   
A fierce smile stretched Raphael's lips:   
  
He knew what to serve as a meal.

******

Raphael could not bear it. He could not stay and work while Leo was dolling up for Usagi. He suggested to his boss not to pay for the three hours he had already made, in exchange for being able to leave immediately.

He did the errands, as usual, always choosing independent merchants to have fresh food. He had spent all his time in Nevada feeding on frozen potatoes and pizza, but that time was over. Nothing was too good for Leo, and since he was relying on him for meals, he had to do this with a great attention to detail.   
  
He arrived, finding a Leo reading a cookbook. What was Leo doing with this book? It's not like one day he's going to melt butter. When Leo greeted him with a smile, asking him why he was there so early, Raph was shocked.   
  
Leo was wearing one of his ridiculous aprons with a  _ ‘Kiss the Chef’ _ written in bold red letters. The words were taunting him, daring him to do it. But Leo was looking at him with pure blue eye and biting his tongue, Raph tried to adopt a controlled tone of voice:   
  
“My boss didn’t need me, so I left for the day,” he lied. “Where did you find this apron and this book?   
  
“My brother Mikey gave them to me. He told me that it would be useful so that I could help you. I didn’t want the apron but he insisted and made me swear to wear it.”   
  
Raph frowned. If his youngest had wanted to make fun of Raph, he would not have acted otherwise. But Mike did not know anything about him, did he?   
  
“It’s pointless. You won’t touch anything. And I have already chosen the menu. I cook, I choose. But don’t worry, it would be a real gourmet dinner.”

Leo made a lovely pout, to Raph's opinion. What he would give to kiss these lips?

“Are you sure? This carrot soup …”   
  
“Nah,” Raph replied, shaking his head. “Another time maybe. Tonight, I will do a very fancy French menu. You couldn’t better honor your friend.”   
  
“And are you able to do that?” Leo asked, surprised.”What we will eat?”

Raph smiled so hard that if Leo knew better he should have been worried.

“It is a surprise! You can go doll-you up, I’ll take care of everything.”   
  
“I already have taken my shower. I have nothing to do except get dressed. Usagi is only a friend. I want to show him respect for his arrival, but I don’t need to ‘doll-up’. Let me help you.”   
  
Raph was relieved to hear Leo's denial. But of course, the rabbit would do anything to change that. But it was out of the question that Leo help for the dinner. He needed to keep him busy.

“I have an idea, look in your book and tell me what you would like to eat this week and make a grocery list of what will be needed for shopping tomorrow. You can distract me by talking to me, and cut the vegetables. It would help me a lot.”   
  
Satisfied to be helpful, Leo did as he was told. Raphael looked at him discreetly, while Leo was writing down recipes. Leo’s face was so young and smooth. How he could have such a baby face?   
  
“I just thought about that. I never heard you shave. That's why you're ready quickly. However, with black hair, you should have a more visible hair, right?” Raph questioned him casually. “My hairs are paler and I have to shave each day.”

Leo blushed, exceedingly embarrassed, without Raph understanding why. Of course, he was talking about bodily details, but he was only talking about the beard, not the rest.

“I ... it's a mutant thing. I was a reptile so I didn’t have hair. I was the first to try the serum. It was not fully developed, leaving a higher percentage of DNA mutant than today's serum. That's why I'm not given my age. Being completely beardless, I look younger than I actually am. When we met in this bar, I had to show my badge to be let in. The doorman was thinking I was seventeen years old. Without my uniform, people don’t believe I could be actually a police officer.”

Raphael shrugged the explanation being believable.

“Well, If you want my opinion, it's great …”   
  
"No, it’s not," Leo said coldly.   
  
Raph felt a polar cold settle between them. Maybe Leo had issues to be respected by criminal because he looked like a high schooler?  He changed the topic.   
  
“Did ya talked about me to your brothers? You never told me about them that much.”   
Leo seemed relieved to talk about something else.

“Donnie works for the government. He runs a research lab. This is also why money is not an issue for me. Donnie paid for this place. I also receive a government pension and my full salary as an officer when I was in the special forces. And I am also well paid now. So, I have the income of three people. So that's why I feel bad for letting you pay, but you seem a proud man and …”

  
“You are right, I'm not a gigolo. Keep going…”

Raph wanted to know why after only two years in the army, Leo was still receiving a paycheck. Something terrible must have happened, but it was not a physical injury since Leo seemed in good health.   
  
“Mikey is a cook,” Leo continued. “He has his own restaurant. His business is good because Donnie does his accounting. Otherwise, Mikey would lose everything. He lives with Donnie.”

This fact was not surprising Raphael knowing well his little brother, but curious about them, he continued his questions. 

“Oh, your brothers don’t have girlfriends either?”   
  
“No, actually, uh ... this is where it gets complicated.” Leo was hesitating, struggling about something and Raph stopped his move, stopping what he was doing with the meat.” I trust you to not judge them but, in fact, my brothers are in a relationship,” Leo concluded, very flushed.    
  
Raph's head turned so quickly to Leo that he misunderstood Raphael's reaction.   
  
“We are only brothers by name. We have all been adopted. We have no future with women, despite our human appearance, unable by law to procreate and female mutant are rare.”   
  
“What about your other brother?” questioned Raphael eagerly   
  
"Oh, either. None of us is related.”

Raphael had a moment of dazzle. This news changed a lot of things. But that would not change the fact that he had been stupid for three years and that Leo would despise him. He heard only the end of Leo's sentence.   
  
“So, that's why I have nothing against homosexuals. As long as nobody touches me. My brothers…”   
  
Raph did not listen, thinking about his brother, who had probably been abused by someone, maybe in the army. He was paid his salary as compensation. As if the money could heal Leo's deep emotional wounds.

A comment from Leo kick him out of his train of thought.

“My brothers are happy that I met you. They asked me several questions about you.”   
  
“If they were happy then why did they call to yer friend?” Raph snapped nervously.    
  
“Because I explained that you were ... too good to stay with me for a long time, ”Leo admitted quietly.   
  
“Why did ya say that?”Raphael exclaimed, ”nothing is so much below the truth! I told you, and repeated more than a hundred times, that staying here with ya satisfied me greatly. What did they tell you?” he asked, now worried.”And what exactly did you told them?” Leo gave him a genuine smile, but with a hint of sadness.

“I told them you were very kind and helpful, and that you spent all your free time with me instead of going out to have fun. That I felt bad, because being a good-looking man, you miss opportunities …”   
  
“You find me good-looking?” Raphael asked, eyes bulging in bewilderment. If Leo was finding him attractive too, he was not sure to be able to hold back, anymore.   
  
“Well, If I was looking for a partner …”   
  
Leo blushed and stopped himself.   
  
"So," he continued, as Raph stared at him in silence, too shocked, “my brothers are always worrying and fussing over me. However, it should be the opposite because I am the eldest. They say I trust people too easily. My brother Raphael always told me the same thing, so it must be true,” he sighed, now moody like each time he was talking about Raphael. “Donnie asked me a lot of questions, very specific about you, like the color of your eyes and hair, your size.”

Raph paled but Leo, misunderstanding tried to calm him down.

“Donnie is paranoid; he had to put all this information on a computer to see if it matched one of the country's fifty most wanted criminals. But I didn’t share any personal details about you, like where you came from and the reasons you are here,” he said, standing up to leave the kitchen table. “ I'm done, I'm going to wash my hands and get dressed because Usagi has to arrive in about twenty minutes and he is always punctual. Unless you still need help?”

Raph shook his head, trying to calm his breathing. Donnie might have recognized Raphael? But then, why did he send Usagi to watch over Leo? Raph’s hatred of Usagi was known to his younger brothers. Mikey had fun making fun of what he already called his "jealousy". Plus, Donnie and Mikey, if he knew he was their brother Raph, had to know that he would never hurt Leo. True, they had their conflicts, but they knew that Raphael had always loved his brother and would protect him, right? Why then call this damn bunny!   
  
Two explanations were possible:   
  
Either his brothers did not recognize Raphael, but they were suspicious of Rick and asked Usagi to watch him.   
  
Or his brothers suspected that it was him and, knowing his past, he wanted to distance him from Leonardo by imposing the presence of Usagi, knowing that Raph could not stand it.   
  
Putting the mustard-coated rabbit in the oven and spreading the rabbit terrine over the crackers, Raph thought that if his brothers thought he was going to leave Leo in the hands of this pervert from another dimension, they were mistaken.   
  
To support his conviction, Leo came out of the bathroom so handsome in this black shirt like his hair, which he folded the sleeves, not having buttoned up to the neck either. How you could look so good and be chaste as a statue Raphael wondered again. All on his brother was begging to be grabbed and stroked. Bending him on the counter was so tempting, Raph felt his fingers twitching as well as his dick.  

Out of love, Raph could restrain himself to no traumatize further Leo, but would the rabbit have the same concern? Because for Raph, there was no doubt that Usagi was there to capture Leonardo's heart and body. But if Leo was out of limit for Raph, he would be out of limit for all.

The doorbell rang and Leo ran to the door, greeting his friend. They bowed to each other, and Leo turned to introduce his roommate.

“Usagi-San, let’s me introduce you to my new friend Rick. I hope you will get along, since he is living here, with me.”

A flash of recognition immediately appeared in the hazel eyes of the rabbit, and the anguish seized Raphael.   
  
"Your brothers did not tell me that Raphael-San would be here.”

Leo gaped in surprise.

“Usagi, it's not my brother Raphael. He lives in another state and he is still a mutant. It's my new friend, Rick, a completely different individual. How could you think that?”

The rabbit nose wrinkled like Raph was a pile of shit.

"This man is lying to you, Leonardo-San. This is your brother without a doubt. I recognize his aura of anger.”

While Raphael was frozen, too shocked and in a panic to even retort and deny, Leo grew angry.

“Rick may not have told me all his life and I admit I don’t know him for long, but it is impossible that it is my brother Raphael. If he did, he would have told me right away. Raph has a lot of flaws, but he is not a liar,” he stated very firmly and Raphael felt like he was melting from shame. “ Rick doesn’t have an aura of anger, either. I think I feel what people are feeling towards me and I don’t feel any negative feelings. Plus, Rick is my friend and he lives here. I can not bear to be insulted or his integrity questioned, "Leo snapped dryly.   
  
“I beg your pardon, Leonardo-San. I did not want to upset you, nor your friend.” The end of Usagi's sentence showed how he disliked already this so-called friend and that he did not believe Leo.   
  
Raph was still silent. He did not know what was worse: that he had been recognized or that Leo warmly defended the honesty of Raphael. Because yes, Raph was lying from the beginning ... if Leo knew it ... his disappointment would be even worse to have to add the lie to the endless list of Raphael's sins.   
  
He had to get rid of this bunny! Now that he knew his true identity, the situation was even more pressing. He still found it absurd that Usagi, who had barely looked at Raphael several years ago, recognized him at first glance when Leonardo did not.

Leo continued to fill the silence, blabbing, probably nervous and feeling the tension.   
  
“Rick had spent his afternoon in the kitchen to make us a good meal and even left work earlier. He is fantastic and a great help to me. I hope you are going to get along well. After all, you are my friend too. If I like both of you, you can like each other.”   
  
Raphael's heart had swelled at the beginning of Leo's speech but had contracted towards the end. He did not want to be equal to the rabbit neither befriend him.   
  
"Leonardo-Chan, I'll do anything that will please you," Usagi replied with a honeyed tone.   
  
The "Chan," which Leo had authorized, remained on Raph's heart. It was a diminutive reserved for close friends or ... boyfriend.   
  
Raph, casually, put the tray on the table, and Leo with appetite picked some of the dried apricots that decorated the plate.   
  
“Wow, Rick, it looks delicious,” he praised.   
  
“The taste is even better!” he replied with an emphasis out of character, and he made a theatrical sign to Usagi who dubiously fixed the plate.   
  
“What is it?” he asked.   
  
“Terrine. I didn’t even buy it, it’s homemade with a lot of love! To honor you, Usagi-San, as Leo had asked me.”   
  
On hot coals, the samurai looked sideways at the crackers and glanced at Leo, who was stuffing his mouth like he had not eaten for ages.   
  
“It's delicious!” Leo exclaimed. “Rick, I didn’t know you could make such fine meals. I had never eaten terrine. Usagi, you absolutely have to taste it, I've never eaten anything so delicate.”   
  
Usagi, with the air of a condemned man, nibbled a cracker, his eyes fixed on a mocking Raphael.

The oven beeped, and a smiling Raph set the main course on the table.   
  
“That's the beast. Serve yourself !”   
  
With enthusiasm, Raph and Leo used generous portions in front of an increasingly pale Usagi   
  
“Usagi, are not you eating? Are you fine?”Leo asked, worried.   
  
“Ask to Rap ... Rick, what meat did he use?” the guest asked, almost gagging.   
  
Leo turned his attention back to Rick   
  
Raph struck his forehead like he was just realizing.   
  
“Oh ! I'm stupid! Sorry Usagi, no wonder the terrine made you feel sick. My friend Leo didn’t tell me that you were a rabbit!“

“What do you mean, Rick?” Leo asked, trembling, afraid to begin to understand.   
Raph acted like he was sorry, trying to defend himself.

“You didn’t tell me, I couldn’t guess. We ate rabbit!”   
  
"What?"Leo was very pale, "Do you mean that for nearly an hour I've been eating rabbit meat under Usagi's eyes?”   
  
“Hey! You said he came from another dimension. It could have been anything. How I should know?”   
  
With his hand on his chest, Leo bowed to the disgusted samurai.   
  
“Usagi-San. This horrible incident is only my responsibility, and I sincerely hope that you do not hold it against my innocent friend, who did not know what he was doing and only wanted to honor you. I was carefree and I ask you humbly for forgiveness. I relied on Rick for a task who was my duty. This will not happen again. Please excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom.”   
  
Leo left abruptly the kitchen, leaving his two friends glaring at each other above the remains of Usagi's welcome meal. Raph knew it, then. It was war.


	7. Chapter 7

Leo came out of the bathroom, still pale, not seeming to notice the cold war climate now prevailing in the dining room.

With a good-natured smile, Raph announced that the dessert did not contain rabbit, and so, nothing prevented them from eating it and offhandedly, he took his creme brulee from the fridge to caramelise the top of them with a torch.

Neither Leo nor Usagi said anything. Usagi’s stomach was turning over, and Leo was dying of shame and guilt. But Leo did honor to his roommate's dessert, as a matter of principle. All this was a terrible misunderstanding. Rick did not know Usagi was a rabbit, and therefore could not be blamed. He could not sulk over an innocent dessert.

“Thanks, Rick. It was excellent... the dessert especially. I'll show Usagi where he will be sleeping and come back to do the dishes. Don’t worry about anything anymore, Rick, you've done enough. Why don’t you go out? You deserve to have fun. You worked hard and because of this unfortunate culinary choice, uh…”

“Nah. I don’t feel like going out. You said you wanted me to bond with this friend of yours. It would be rude of me to leave. After this disaster, he’ll get the wrong idea and think I have a grudge against him. To show him that it's the opposite, I'll stay.”

Usagi obviously was gnawing. His desire to be alone with Leo and his anger at not being able to, filled the whole room like a toxic fog. That Leo, who proclaimed himself so sensitive, didn’t feel all the waves of negative emotions actually worried Raphael. If Fearless did not learn to be more attentive, something bad could happen to him. Again.

Raph followed Leo and Usagi into the office.

Usagi looked at the computer.

“Oh, I will have access to the computer at any time,” he remarked simply. “That's good, I have some research to do.”

This sentence was meant to be a threat and Raph took it as such. A simple email to Donatello, assuming the genius had not already guessed his true identity, and Raph was done! Then, finding Raph's mug shot, or discovering the rest of his past, would be easy for the cunning rabbit.

Then Raph and Leo washed the dishes, under the watchful eyes of Usagi, who had postponed the task of unpacking his trunks.

"So," said Leo, still innocently unaware of the silent conflict, "we could go to the movies? Or watch a movie here? Play a game of Risk? What do you think?”

“Oh! Leonardo-Chan, I don't really want to go out. We can stay here. It's cold outside and Donatello made me promise never to let you catch a cold. You know it's your weakness.”

If anyone has to keep Fearless warm, that'll be me, Raphael vowed to himself.

During the film, Raph was furiously aware that Usagi had been sitting near Leo, much closer than he himself had ever dared to do. Raph had been raised as Leo's brother and could afford a greater intimacy than Usagi, and his first move was to pull Leo to him, but he restrained himself. He also managed not to make a scene when the rabbit put a possessive hand on Leo's thigh.

Leo’s discomfort was palpable and thinking about it, Usagi's actions were excellent for Raphael. It was like the samurai was played Raph’s game.

The rabbit was less subtle than usual. The unforeseen, and definitely not friendly, presence of Raphael had surely destabilized him. He had not thought he would have to fight for Leonardo's affection and attention when he’d agreed to come in their dimension. Surely the rabbit would be less passive and adopt a more aggressive approach, to surpass Raph, since, knowing him, he would suspect that his behavior would be combative.

Raphael smiled. He would not fight for Leonardo, at least not in front of him. If the rabbit had decided to behave in front Raphael, he would behave in front of the rabbit, and play it subtle. He did not care if he could ‘win’ Leonardo. He only wanted him to be at peace and the rabbit ‘getting in’ would be anything but peaceful. Leo needed time and care, and if Usagi was too stupid to notice, that was perfect because he would play into Raphael's game.

On the other hand, Raphael was far from being stupid enough to leave him alone with his naive brother. That already Usagi would be at the police station, working with Leo, was sufficiently heinous. He swore never to leave them any privacy.

In any case, it would not last long. It was already October 22nd. Raph made the promise that for the 4th anniversary of Splinter's death, Usagi would be back in his dimension. Of course, until then, he had to prevent Usagi from gathering evidence about his real identity.

Come bedtime and Leo wanted to watch some news on the TV before sleeping. The first thing appearing on the screen was the Purple Dragon emblem, next to the TV presenter.

“A new gang rape that appears to be the work of the Purple Dragons was perpetrated in Chinatown. For some time, they seem to have changed their modus operandi, preferring to commit sexual crimes rather than a quick murder. Strange graffiti targeting a blue-eyed sergeant was next to the scene... "

Paler than after the meal, Leo turned off the television.

”I'm going to bed. Good night, Rick, good night, Usagi-San.”

Raph wanted to follow Leo, guessing he needed comfort, but Leo shook his head and locked himself in his room, leaving the two rivals alone.

Not wanting to stay in an uncomfortable silence with the rabbit, Raphael decided to go to his bedroom as well, to be alone and think about Leonardo and how to make him feel better.

Raph bowed, more out of sarcasm than out of respect.

“Good night Usagi-San.”

Usagi did the same.

“May the best win, Raphael-San,“ he declared in Japanese.

Raphael only nodded, all denial about being Raphael or understanding Japanese being useless, and went to bed.

***

Raphael was still not sleeping two hours later, so when Leo wailed in his sleep, he was fully aware of it. He got up and opened the door to Leo’s room carefully, wanting to avoid any revolver bullet.

“Leo? Are you okay? I'm here…”

“Raph?” Leo moaned in his sleep and Raph’s heart raced to hear his real name. “I want you to come back….”

His brother was still having a nightmare, but Raph could not help it. He approached the bed where Leo struggled against invisible threats, barely aware of the dangerous range of his words.

”I’m here. I will never leave you again, Leo.”

It was at this moment that Usagi poked his muzzle around the door.

“Leonardo-Chan?”

He rushed to the bedside of the sleeping man to awaken him and thus to deliver him from his bad dreams, and Raphael had no choice but to step back and leave the place to the samurai.

Leo woke up, adrenaline still pumping, and his anxious eyes stared at Usagi and Raph without recognizing them. Then, the recognition shone again in the blue eyes.

“It's nothing, I had a nightmare…”

The blue eyes rested on Raphael, now in the doorway, and briefly, Raph wondered if he had really detected desire in his unfathomable irises or if he had dreamed it.

Usagi stroked Leo's shoulders in a soothing gesture and Raph felt like a third wheel.

He did not want to fight there, while Leo was still shaking with anxiety, to have the privilege of sleeping in his bed, since Leo would obviously not give any favors to the rabbit. The violence was therefore inappropriate.

"I’ll leave you, " he said, trying to sound neutral.

He went back to lie in his cold, empty bed, but the too thin walls did not allow him to ignore the conversation going on the other side.

“Leo-Chan. You are not doing well. Let the old friend that I am, comfort and soothe you. This brute with whom you live can only harm your well-being and peace of mind.”

“Usagi, don’t say that. Rick has no part in my torment. Rather, he is helping me heal…”

Raph felt his chest warming at this answer but the rabbit’s reply froze him.

“Leo-Chan, I must know. Donatello-San told me about traumatic... sexual problems. He is worried about you. He charged me with helping you as best I can, and heal you from what is haunting you,” Usagi explained. “But, I am also worried for my own account. You are my friend, and I want you happy. What happened to you, Leo-Chan? Your brother refused to tell me, saying it was your story to tell.”

Leo did not answer, to the joint disappointment of Usagi and Raphael.

”I want you happy, Leo-Chan …” the rabbit repeated.

“And what do you plan to do to achieve this?” asked Leonardo with a sigh. “I don’t believe it is the responsibility of anyone to give me faith in love and happiness.”

“I am here for that, but don’t believe me only mandated by your brothers... I also pursue a personal goal,” Usagi said.

Raph, on the other side of the wall, became all stiff with expectation.

“What is it?” Leonardo asked.

“First of all, I want to give you back the taste for a sex life,” Usagi replied and Raphael jumped out of his bed. “It's mandatory you are in harmony with your body. Tell me, Leo-Chan, are you afraid of touching or being touched?”

"To be touched," Leo whispered, but not weak enough that Raph did not hear.

“So, the first step towards recovery is to touch me. Give me your hand…”

Raph had vainly scoffed at being quiet. This was taking the damn cake. He hit the wall and yelled through.

“Remove your filthy paws from him, you dirty pervert! Leo doesn’t want to and you don’t have the right to force him, and if he is too polite to tell you, I will not hesitate to skin you as I did your little cousin for dinner!

No more words were heard on the other side of the wall for nearly two hours, but Raph was too pumped up and could not sleep. He was thinking maybe jerking off could relieve his tension when suddenly, his door opened, giving way to a shy Leo.

Raph, completely frozen, looked toward to his roommate, who sat carefully on the bed.

“I can’t sleep,” Leo whispered, “I need your heat.”

“I can’t sleep either and my heat is all yours,” Raph replied, unable to hide the eagerness in his voice.

With gratitude, Leo slipped under the covers and curled up on Raphael as much as possible, while he was tightly encircling him with his arms. Raph kissed the pale forehead and challenged all the samurai in the world to snatch Leonardo from his arms. The embrace was chaste, but Leo had left his own bed, and Usagi, to come to join him and Raph could not dream of greater accomplishment.

When the young man with ebony hair was finally sleeping against him, curled up on his chest, Raphael could not help but think of how he would counter the inevitable reprisals of Usagi tomorrow.

***

The next morning they were awakened by Usagi, who knocked at the door to the room.

“Leonardo-San, can I talk to you?”

Leo rose abruptly from the arms of an annoyed Raphael. Leo was made to be in his arms and without his body between his limbs, they seemed grossly useless. He could not wait for Usagi to leave him and Leo alone.

He noticed Leo was looking to the left and right for something, like he was panicked, before getting up and joining Usagi. Raph, who had spent almost the last month observing his brother, understood. Leo was looking for something to cover himself. Each time, Raphael was hurt by how even with him, Leo seemed on the defensive.

“Don’t move, I'll be back, Leo.”

Without any embarrassment, he jumped out of bed, only in his underwear, passed Usagi, without sparing a look for him, and entered his brother’s room to fetch him clothes. He opened a drawer randomly and noticed a DVD with the words ‘Watch, learn and suffer’ written with a sharpie in Leo's handwriting. He hesitated for a moment, pondering a way to take and conceal the disc, but being almost naked, with Leo and Usagi in his room and the time being counted on him, he promised himself to do it another time.

When he returned, he noticed Usagi was already talking to Leo.

"... since you obviously no longer trust me and you do not need my presence, I will return to my dimension."

Raph could not hide the expression of happiness from rising to his eyes. The dirty rabbit conceded the victory to Raphael in less than twenty-four hours. Things were brighter than he had thought.

“But, Usagi, I don’t understand. I thought you wanted to settle here. You said you hadn’t found what you were looking for in your own dimension.”

Raph bit his lip and rolled his green eyes. One could count on his naive big brother to make things difficult when it was useless. Why wouldn’t he seize the opportunity to kick Usagi out? Oh yes, friendship and politeness. What bullshit!

He handed Leo his clothes, curious to hear the rabbit's response.

"Seeing your suspicion and seeing the loss of your friendship hurts me too much, Leo-Chan, to stay here more,” Usagi replied gloomily.

Now the bastard wanted to make Leonardo feel guilty! Leo had a marshmallow heart and feared nothing more than to hurt the feelings of others. Raphael and Usagi both knew that very well.

“Usagi, I'm sorry for the misunderstanding. You have not lost my friendship, nor my confidence. I... I was a little shocked at the turn of events, that's all. I need, um, time. And I don’t think my so-called ‘recovery’ is your sole responsibility. It's something I have to heal on my own.”

“And him?” Usagi questioned, motioning at Raph. “What is his role? What is the reason for his presence?

“Rick is here under my invitation. He helps me adjust to strangers, learn to trust again,” Leo explained seriously. “I would be very sorry to see you leave, Usagi, but I am at home here. These are my choices and you must respect them.”

Raph knew it was unwise to radiate his glee so obviously, but he couldn’t care less. The rabbit would go home and that's all that mattered.

“Great forgiveness of my untimely jealousy, Leo-Chan. Rick-San, I apologize also for my hasty judgment against you.”

Raph frowned at the rabbit, who was bowing. He did not want his fucking excuses. Usagi could shove them up his prick ass. He wanted the samurai to get out of here, period.

Leo smiled, relieved to see that Usagi was taking his words better than he would have thought.

He offered a morning sparring session to the rabbit, using swords, while Rick would do dumbbells. Usagi nodded again and they all went down to the basement.

As Leo checked to see if his blades were sharpened, Usagi leaned over, and suddenly turned quickly to throw something.

Raph saw the shuriken flying towards him very well. He could have avoided it easily, having the sharp reflexes of a seasoned ninja, despite the lack of practice. But he had already sufficiently raised Leo's suspicion by avoiding the revolver bullet. That time he had blamed Leo's trembling wrist, but the rabbit clearly knew what he was doing.

He instinctively made the decision not to deflect the shuriken's trajectory or avoid it. He only protected his face, letting the ninja star cut his forearm deeply, pushing a slight heave of pain that made Leo turn around.

It took only a second for Leonardo to understand and he rushed to Raphael.

“USAGI! How dare you? You hurt my friend knowing he can’t fight back!” Leonardo yelled, livid with outrage.

“Leo-Chan, I don’t understand. He had to avoid it!” Usagi apologized weakly.

“Rick, are you okay? I'm going to get something to bandage you up,” Leo promised, his voice full of concern for him, before he turned then back to the rabbit, his eyes gleaming with indignation. “We have not finished talking about it, Usagi.”

Usagi stared, dazed, at Raph, whose blood was flowing from his forearm.

“You deliberately did not avoid it.”

“I don’t know what you are talking about, man! You have a screw loose, that’s for sure,” Raph retorted.

Leo came down again, trembling with rage.

“How dare you Usagi? Attacking an innocent person without warning, not even armed!”

“Leo-Chan, he voluntarily remained in my aim! He wanted to arouse your pity for him and your anger towards me! He pretends he doesn't know how to fight! But do you see all his scars? It is obvious that this man has spent years fighting for a living! Like your brother, Raphael! And also, you will also notice some scars still visible from drug injections! Like your brother, Raphael!”

Reflexively, Raphael wanted to conceal his arm immediately, even if he was sure to not have visible scars of injection, but Leo gave no look at what Usagi desperately pointed out, continuing to bandage the wound from the shuriken.

“Usagi, for the last time, he's not my brother Raphael” Leo snapped back, exasperated. “I don’t understand your obsession with him. If I remember correctly, you had only a lukewarm relationship with him.”

“How do you know it's not him? Don’t you see how similar he is?”

“I have several reasons to be sure he is not Raphael. First, Raph is not a liar, as I have already pointed out,” Leo countered, deathly serious. ”Secondly, Raph hates me and would certainly not do my meals and laundry. And finally, Raphael is still a mutant. Donnie's lab is the only one that offers the serum injections. The formula is secret. And if Raph had received the injection, Donnie would have told me by now. Unless you claim that I can’t trust Donatello either?”

“Well, I beg your pardon. You are right. Your friend does not know how to fight. He was defenseless against me.”

The disdainful inflection made Raphael ball his fists, and his eyes instinctively stared at the sais hanging on the opposite wall. It would be easy to make the rabbit swallow his words-and teeth.

"It's not to me you have to apologize, but to my friend,” Leo pointed out coldly.

Usagi repeated his string of empty excuses in front of an indifferent Raphael, who was constantly thinking about Leo's last words. Don had not betrayed his trust... but his role remained mysterious.

Leo, in a gesture of exasperation, put his hand to his forehead.

“I need to take a walk. Being locked up here is driving me crazy. I have not gone out for a week. Fresh air would do me good.”

Raph stepped forward before Usagi could.

  
“Where are we going?”

“You’re not coming with me, Rick. Nor are you,” Leo added, seeing Usagi standing up contentedly.

Raphael protested without thinking that he was not supposed to know about the Purple Dragon threats.

“You can’t go out alone! Not with the Dragons looking for ya!”

“Rick, thank you for your concern, but it is not even eight o'clock on Sunday morning,” Leo pointed out. “I will take a walk and then look for a Halloween costume. I hate to disguise myself, but Mikey insists that everyone is for his party next Saturday. I won’t be back until late afternoon, so you can working on your relationship, to get along for my sake. I don’t want to witness arguments or provocations anymore. I need to be alone. And when I come back…” Leo looked at him straight in the eyes, like he was taking a dive in Raph’s soul. “I'll have a few questions for you, Rick.”

Raphael nodded, feeling a pit in his stomach.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> new version with the kind beta of Just a lawn gnome

Raphael watched Leo leave the apartment with a terrible apprehension, knowing that in a few hours everything could be over with his big brother and crush.

He had a lot of reasons to worry about.

First, Leo alone could be attacked, which was his biggest fear.

  
Then Usagi, who had been locked up in the office since Leo's departure, was surely trying to find a way to bust his cover. And the worst was maybe Leo's questions.

Although these last words were not spoken in a threatening tone, Raph saw in them a bad omen. Maybe Usagi‘s remarks had reached Leo more than the policeman was showing. It was natural that Leo wanted to know the truth about the stranger; he had been living with him for almost a month. It must be said that Leo's delicacy and discretion on this subject had shown miraculous restraint. Raph couldn’t be lucky forever and he had to expect this dreadful moment to happen.

With dismay, he looked at his forearms. The syringe scars were not very obvious. Raph, having not shot with speed balls so often, preferred to sniff. Could it be easy to deny? How to explain them? Needing a transfusion on a regular basis? So how could he explain that he did not need it anymore? An internet search might have helped, but Usagi was monopolizing the office right now. Could he claim to have been a laboratory guinea pig? And what about all of his fight scar all over his body?

Raphael took his head and wanted to scream! How long would his past come to haunt him? Should he just confess the truth to Leo? Talk about mistakes of youth? He shook his head, discouraged. His brother seemed even more morally inflexible than in the past. Perhaps, to appear tolerant, he would shelter Raph a few extra days. Just so it didn't seem like he was going to kick him out for this reason. But at the first opportunity, Leo would ask him to leave.Raph wasn't a criminal or a junkie. He knew that because he saw much worse than him. But for Leo, the chaste and holy knight, Raph would be at the same level as Pablo Escobar.

And by then, Leo wouldn’t share his bed... surely choosing the honorable rabbit over him. He clenched his teeth. He could not stand it and he would leave the place before witnessing it.

From the living room, he could hear Usagi typing frantically on Leo’s laptop keyboard. Undoubtedly, he had to seek to accumulate evidence in order to confuse him, like a mugshot or whatever. What could Raph do to prevent him from finding something? An evil grin spread his face and he went down to the basement to open the electrical panel. Although staying without lights or entertainment for a few hours with the rabbit wasn’t an appealing prospect, it was the only option. The strong fall winds were a perfect excuse. With the rabbits limited tech knowledge, he would be stopped in his research... for a time. But delaying him by a few hours was good; by this time, Raph would find a way to kick him out. Back in the apartment, he heard Usagi's frustrated exclamations.

“Calm down, rabbit. It is only a power failure. It can only last a few minutes… or hours, it depends. Don’t worry about lunch, there's some left over from the last dinner!”

He pretended not to understand the Japanese exclamations.

It was now 11:30 am and Raph was becoming more and more worried, but more for Leo than for himself. He couldn’t find credible explanations, but that was not his biggest concern. Although he knew the Purple Dragons would probably not attack on chilly Sunday morning, he couldn’t help but worry for his brother. Leo looked exasperated when he left, but could he blame Raphael for being concerned and just text him! At the same time, perhaps in his answer, Leo would reveal more about the nature of the questions he wanted to ask him and Raph would have more time to brace himself.

Not wanting to appear annoying, he typed the most neutral message he could imagine:

‘Fearless, what's up? Did you find a costume?’

As he pressed the "Send" button, he wondered which sexy cosplay Leo had chosen. To conceal such a beauty would be a sin. His black hair and pale complexion would make him a perfect vampire. Maybe he could dress as these new modern vampires and wear something leather or latex...

Lost in his fantasies, he guessed that jerking off was as good a way as any to wait. It took several minutes after, when his afterglow faded, to realize that Leonardo had still not responded. Raph frowned. Was Leo so irritated that he was still sulking? But he had done nothing, all that was the damn fault of this damn rabbit!

Now that he wasn’t busy pumping himself, Raphael heard a dimmed sound, like a buzz. The vibration was coming from Leo's room.

Curious, he stood up to find that his roommate's bedroom door wasn’t locked as usual. He silently pushed the door open, not wanting the rabbit to go chatting that Raph had entered that room in his absence. He quickly understood the origin of the noise.

Leo had left his cell phone in his room and, apparently, someone had tried to join him. Raph's hand tickled in an unconscious spasm in his craving to take it and look in it. Who was telephoning Leo right now, Raphael wondered in a flash of possessiveness.

_"Calm down, Raph. You know that your brother doesn’t see anyone. And he's only your friend, not your lover. You don’t have the right to exercise any control over his life. You don’t look for evidence of possible boyfriends. You just want to get to know your brother better in order to help him "_

Having convinced himself, he grabbed the phone and was about to go to his room when he thought back to the DVD seen the day before. This DVD had to contain important information, but with the "power failure” how could he watch it?

Since the television was in the living room, Usagi could tell Leonardo. Not wanting to take any risk, he returned to his room with only the cell phone. He closed the door and sat on his bed staring at the device as if it was going to bite him. He was crossing a limit and he knew it. Leo had never liked people meddling in his private life.

He looked first at the last three missed calls:

Mr. Donovan. Leo's superior. He had left him voice messages and two text messages. In short, he warned Leo of new threats against him and extended his medical leave by five weeks and offered special division protection.

Panic froze Raph. Leo was alone outside, not even in a car. Had he even put on a coat? It was so cold! How could he have been careless enough to let him do it? His brother always took insane risks when it came to him, while he didn’t even allow Mikey to carve a pumpkin for Halloween before his sixteenth birthday! Of course, he was glad that Leo's leave was extended. This allowed Raph to watch over him and prevent Usagi from making a move, but it was still bad news. He looked for other messages, pictures, or interesting things, but there was nothing. Except for two names in the contact list:

Mikey

Donnie.

He had been looking for a way to contact Donnie to try to find a way to get out of this odd shit he was into with Leo. But if Don had sent Usagi, it could only mean the genius wasn't on Raphael's team. Mikey could be more understanding, but the kid could barely tie his laces!

Raph looked at the time again. It was past noon and Leo wasn’t back yet. Leonardo had specified that he would be away until the late afternoon, but sheer panic was beginning to take possession of Raphael's mind.

He took a deep breath, then typed a message to them both.

‘ _Hello, I'm Rick, Leo’s roommate. He walked out without his cell early this morning and I'm worried. He has received important calls and should have returned home quickly. If he is with you, can you drive him back? Or I'll go get him myself. If he is not with you, can you tell me where he usually goes on his walks? Meanwhile, I'm going out trying to find him. Thank you for responding quickly, because I’m worrying myself to death.’_

Without taking the time to read the text again, too pumped on adrenaline, he sent the text.   
Long, very long minutes passed, and Leo's cell vibrated, announcing the caller as Michelangelo:

 _'_ Hi _R,_

 _Leo isn't here. He will often think in a tea room in his neighborhood. I don’t think Leo is in danger in_ daytime _, but if you find him, tell him to call us. Also, I wanted to take the opportunity to invite you to our Halloween party. Leo told us a lot about you and we can’t wait to meet you.'_

He put his leather jacket on, ignoring the invitation as a complete digression to the urgency of the present situation, looking for the nearest teahouse on google map.

But before leaving, he froze on the spot and went back to see Mikey's message.

‘Hi R’

No need to be paranoid, Mikey called Donatello, "D," he had similarly simplified Rick's name in order to look friendly, surely. Likewise this invitation... but was this insistence on "getting to know him” sarcasm?  
  
"No time for this bullshit, Leo is in danger" and he went out, too in a hurry to even think to lock his bedroom door and didn’t even see Usagi from the office’s window watching him.

Raphael ran in a blind panic when he came face to face with Leo himself coming home.

“Leo! I was crazy with worry! You didn't even bring your cell phone with you! And you didn’t tell us anything about where you were going! Do you realize how imprudent it is, Leo? You can’t…”

  
Raph was silent as he saw Leo frowning in amazement.

“Calm down, Rick. I just needed some alone time.”

“I understand, but next time, bring your cell phone with you, because …” Raph sighed, hating to sound like a mother hen, like Leo had been before.

“Did I receive calls?”

Ogling the phone that Raph was still clutching, Leonardo took it from Raphael.  
Raphael watched Leo check over his phone with worry. What if Leo was mad at him because he had been nosy?

“You sent a message to my brothers?” Leo asked, gaping in surprise.

Raphael nodded, knowing it was pointless to deny with the evidence in Leo’s hand.

“Were you so worried?” Leo asked softly.

Without waiting for an answer, Leo grabbed Raphael's arm.

“Let’s go home.”

Raphael shuddered to feel Leo's arm hanging with his. This intimate and affectionate gesture was new. Leo's usual cold body seemed to radiate a delicious warmth. When they entered, a strange apprehension invaded Raph, probably shared with Leo because he looked at him and put his finger on his lips as a sign of silence.

They snuck in equal silence, until Raph bumped into Leo who had stopped moving.

He looked over the shoulder of the black haired man to see what had caused this stupor.

Usagi was doing a methodical search of Rick's room.

The indignation rose quickly in Leo. His beautiful face, usually so pale, was flushed.

“Usagi! What does this intrusion into Rick's room mean?”

Raphael felt knots in his stomach. What if the rabbit had found his ID or his sais?

“Leo-Chan! I'm only looking for proof so that you realize I'm right!” Usagi exclaimed, startled to have been caught.

With a forced sigh, to evacuate his rising anger, Leo began as quietly as he could

“This joke has lasted long enough, Usagi, and I'm going to stop it immediately!” Leo snapped. Solemnly, he turned toward Raph, and Raphael knew it was there. The moment he dreaded for so long.

“Rick, are you my brother Raphael? Tell me the truth!” the policeman insisted.

Raphael had a brief moment of hesitation. In a flash, all that was at stake appeared to him clearly. He thought about the butterflies in his stomach while Leo, more abandoned than ever before, had taken his arm to walk a few moments earlier. At their nocturnal embraces, which, though chaste, brought refreshing hydration to Raph’s love thirsty soul. All this could belong to Usagi if Raph confessed the truth. And Raphael would lose Leo in this life as he had lost in the other, and this void would be intolerable to him.

“No, Leo, I’m not,” he sighed. “Your friend is just jealous and is looking for any way to get rid of me.”

"If you swear to me it's the truth, that's enough for me. Usagi, you had abused of my hospitality more than once since it’s also Rick’s home,” Leo told firmly. “You accused him of being a liar. You sought quarrels with him to the point of throwing a shuriken in his face while he was disarmed. Now you're searching his room. I don’t even want to talk to you about what happened yesterday between us. It's too much.”

Usagi felt he was losing the fight but he tried a last desperate attempt to turn Leo in his favor.

“This man stole your underwear to fuel his perverse fantasies about you! These boxers are stained with irrefutable evidence of his pleasure. He is lusting for you and only waits to be alone with you to have his way with you!”

Disdainfully, Leo replied:

“This underwear is not mine.”

Raph frowned jointly with Usagi. The boxers were Leo's.

“Usagi, as I said your conflict with Rick, who was here long before…”

“You have known me for longer than him!” Usagi protested.

“I thought you were convinced that this man was Raphael?” Leo countered logically. “If so, you'll understand that I've known him for so much longer than you, and it's only right that I take my brother's side.”

Raph couldn’t believe it. Leo was taking his side against Usagi, when he was only a stranger to him. The rabbit understood the game was over and turned to plead.

“Leo-chan, I'm sorry. I love you and I was just upset because you seemed so distant. I feel further from you now than when I lived in my own dimension.”

“Love can’t exist without trust, Usagi.”

Raphael during the whole time of the altercation hadn’t intervened, not daring to believe that his brother broke his relationship of friendship with the samurai for Rick. He could only feel uncomfortable as well as a certain amount of guilt. Usagi, he had to admit, despite the visceral jealousy he felt about him, was a reliable and loyal friend to Leo. And the rabbit was telling the truth. Rick was Raph. He should have been relieved to see the rabbit left so quickly but this joy was tarnished by remorse. He mumbled a kind of excuse, to check the electrical panel in the basement and warned he was going to train and let Usagi and Leo sort things out together.

After restoring the power, Raph hit the punching bag for nearly an hour without stopping. Not hearing anything on the floor above, he decided to go upstairs. Leo was sadly sitting on the couch, looking thoughtful.

The embarrassment reappeared in Raph. What could he say to his brother? Leo kicked out his best friend because he had believed in Raph’s lies and deceptions.

He was released from this state of embarrassment by Leo himself.

“Rick? I would like to talk to you. If you have time, of course,” he told politely.

Shaking with nerves, Raphael comes to sit on the couch as well, but at a respectable distance.

“I... I don’t know where to start. In fact, I think Usagi was right and I have several questions to ask you.”

The hour of truth had come and Raph felt dread. He managed to nod stiffly.

“You are my friend now, right? And I can trust you? Can I tell you about my brother Raph?”

Not knowing where Leo was leading Raph continued to nod his head without saying a word.

“He and I had our barriers. We shelter ourselves behind our walls so that the other doesn’t see our weaknesses. It was always more complicated with him, everything revolved around an unhealthy rivalry. We were arguing all the time because of all these unspoken issues. Raph and I sometimes tried to break the walls of the other, but never at the right time. I lost my chance for a healthy relationship with him, out of pride or whatever. Yet, I believe I have always considered him my best friend despite everything. But I never told him that and now he is away, hating me,”Leo explained, running a nervous hand in his short, black hair. “You too, you have your walls, but I want to lower mine, to establish a climate of mutual trust between us. I need to rest on someone now that I no longer have my brothers. They have their life, and I have so many... personal challenges. Let's go to the heart of the matter,” he blurted, fidgeting on the couch. “You told me one day, that you were attracted to women, but that you didn’t connect with them. My first question is: what about men?”

Raphael had a moment of bewilderment. What was this question coming out of nowhere and what was the connection with the fact that Usagi was right? While he was in the basement, had the rabbit warned Leonardo that his roommate was sexually attracted to him? But above all, what was the correct answer to this question? What did Leo want? Raph didn’t want to spoil their "relationship" by giving a wrong answer. Diplomacy had never been one of his strengths, and he used his scarce resources in his response.

“It's not so much man or woman that's important,” he began cautiously. “There are only more desirable women, because they are more flirtatious and make more effort to please. I'll say that in a bar, I'm more likely to leave with a girl. But,” he countered, “they annoy me quickly and ask me what I can’t offer them... Men have lower expectations. In short, I didn’t meet the right person yet, but if I meet it, the sexual gender wouldn’t be important. I don’t know if that's very clear.  
Raph was deliberately ambiguous in his answer and sweaty as fuck, but it seemed to satisfy Leo.

“I feel something similar,” he commented. “But do you find me attractive?”

What a trap-question it was! But he was already reassured by Leo when he admitted that he found Raph, a man, handsome. He even admitted it without consequence. Before he managed to come up with a cautious but affirmative answer, Leo went on:

“I have a service to ask you. I trust only my brothers on Earth. Before, there was also Usagi, but..”Leo seemed to had a hard time to find his words and sweating bullets like Raph himself in his struggle to make his point across. Raphael barely restrained himself from taking Leo’s hand to encourage the eldest to speak his mind. “I can't ask this kind of service of Mike and Don because they are, strange as it may seem, a couple. And Raph, well...Anyway, this is not the kind of service that I want to ask my brother!”

Even if he didn’t want to rush Leo, all this beating around the bush was driving Raphael crazy.

“What do you want? I would do anything for you!” he swore. “Tell me it straightforward!”

Leo was now brick red.

“Well, I suffered some rather traumatic events. You know, soldier have sometimes episodes like this. PSTD.”

Raphael stayed silent to encourage Leo to continue. “ My brother is a doctor, well, kind of, and he told me about "desensitization," that is to say to expose myself gradually to what frightens me in order to get normal sex and love life. Donnie says I "anesthetize" but that's not the way to treat me. I can’t go to therapy for personal reasons. So, since I trust you, I wanted you to help me,” Leo finished, not daring to look Raph in the eyes.

A silence stretched and Leo seemed, for a moment, to regret and he rose abruptly to leave the living room.

“Forget I said anything!”

Raph, held him back:

“I want to help you…” Raphael protested with force. “But how does it work? I don’t want to... do or say anything that could fuck up the treatment or produce the opposite effect!”

He had promised to himself to watch his language but he was too feverish for that.

“Oh, I didn’t think about it. I wanted to know if you accepted before,” Leo explain, looking elsewhere except to the man in front of him. “But let me ponder what I'm ready to take. It is Sunday. Every night, starting today, I will try to take a step. It can start by looking at you naked, or I'm touching you slightly, or ... I don’t know. It may not be such a good idea and I don’t want to force you!”

“Friends are made for that!” Raph answered hurriedly even if he wanted to facepalm at this stupid answer but Leo looked comforted.

“The important thing is that I always stay in control of the situation. You must never, never touch me... before I decide. Is that clear?” he insisted.

“You’re the leader. Capiche.”

Raph used all his strength on himself to not express his joy in a way too showy. "Did you not say he was only a brother, a friend?" A small voice whispered in his mind. "You know that it will end badly! He said he doesn't want that kind of relationship with his brother!" Raph sent all those voices to the back of his mind, but his smile turned slightly sour when Leo went on:

“Of course, you're not my boyfriend. I don’t require exclusivity from you either. But, I want the same opening from you. You seem to be a tormented man, Rick, and if I have not questioned you before, it's by discretion. But you seem to need my ear as I need your body. I will reveal myself to you, but I ask you the same. Every evening when I make progress, I want you to do the same and you tell me something about you. Do we have a deal?”

Raph’s mind spun. Leo's rosy, inviting lips prevented him from paying close attention to the risks of the proposal. He thought of Leo's thin, agile hands on his body, blue eyes teary with pleasure and his lustfulness got the better of him

“We have an deal.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dont forget the Reader's Choice Awards! Nominations start in a few days!
> 
> Infos are: our-secret-lair.com
> 
> You can see all the art for my work there too and send me message!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Justalwangnome for the beta!

As childish as it may seem, Raph remembered that the time changed around Halloween, and he was hoping that Leo would have forgotten to change it and that it was maybe later. In the sewers, it has not been one of their main concerns. Finally, he dared to state his hourly preoccupation.

“Leo, is it not 5pm there instead of 4pm? Should we not change the time?”

“No, you can check on your cell. The time is automatically adjusted. I think it's two weeks away from now.”

Raph has never been so eager that it's time to sleep, but maybe if it was too apparent, it would make Leo uneasy and rethink his decision. But under the suspicious look of Leo, he changed the subject:

“What do you want to eat tonight? I finished...um... everything that was rabbit meat during your absence.”

“Oh! No matter, you can relax tonight. You work tomorrow and you had a tough weekend. We can order something, perhaps? Pizza, Chinese, sushi?”

“Order any you please, I’m fine with anything. I'll take a shower. Surprise me!”

Raph knew a shower just before a meal was odd. But if he didn’t have some self-relief, his cock would come out of his pants and slap him. He had attempted to restrain his eagerness since the morning so he wouldn't seem obvious; it was almost unbearable to look cold when he only wanted to do whatever Leo had in mind already.

But of course, he couldn’t do that.

Emotionally, Leo was very ambivalent and this proof of confidence that his brother had offered satisfied Raph as much as it frightened him. Restoring Leonardo's faith in the joy of intimacy was a heavy responsibility and Raph was more than afraid of not being up to the task. He must not frighten Leo by being too eager or enthusiastic. He had to mirror his brother's attitude, and if that meant stoically enduring enticing caresses, he would do it. He wanted his brother to be better. It was not for the selfish purpose of his personal satisfaction, was it? After all, Leo had clearly stated that he didn't want ties. It was sex with no strings, just as Raph had, had countless times in the past. They would have a little fun together, for the good of his brother. Then, Leo would be mentally healed. If Raph had to forget everything and stop, he would do it without a bad thought for his brother sake.

  
Raph didn’t really believe in his own mental speech. But, he didn’t want to give too many thoughts on the subject. He would take, give, and it would be profitable for both of them. The time that it will last ...right? What was a saying already? Carpe Diem?

"Well, I'm a fucking bad philosopher," he muttered in the shower. His mind was even too in turmoil to jack off while he had the opportunity, so he was just staying there, under the warm waterfall.

The "confessions" he was to deliver to Leonardo were deeply worrying him. What could he say, except a lot of lies? He would have to invent supposedly sad or shameful memories. He sighed. He was not there to depress, but to relieve the biological response of his body to the thought of what would happen tonight under the sheets between Leo and himself.

He glanced at his lower body critically. Naked, would he please Leonardo? His skin wasn’t smooth. It was scarred, as Usagi had pointed out. Then he looked at his groin, covered by a bush of dark brown hair. Leo had no hair; did that mean he had to shave there?

Raph didn’t even understand how such a futile detail, that he had never crossed his mind before, could suddenly appear and take on that importance. He decided to just shave what seemed excessive, to look clean but not as weird as a damn Ken doll. Then he thought of his scent. Leo was always smelling good, a fresh and light odor. He took a new shower gel, an unopened bottle and sniffed it. It was smelling like citrus and spice and somewhere he reminds him of some meditation candle of the leader. He supposed it was a good pick while rubbing himself clean. Never in all his existence, as much in human as in mutant, had Raph given such importance to his appearance. He had nothing of the poetic beauty of Leonardo, but having heard several eulogistic comments about himself, he deduced that he must be better than he thought. Leo seemed to believe it, but since his brother was always tidy and good-looking, he tried his best to match what he supposed his brother’s taste might be.

He put on his best shirt, looked at himself for the hundredth time in all directions, but stopped sometimes to tell himself that he was ridiculous. When he finally came out of the bathroom, the meal Leo ordered had already arrived and was cooling down on the table.

Leonardo looked at him, looked astonished and asked him:

“Did I misunderstand? I thought you wanted us to eat here? Why did you dress so neatly? You wanted to go out?”

Leo gestured to his own Space Heroes t-shirt to mean he was expecting a simple evening and Raph felt his cheek burning with embarrassment.

“Well, well, it's a big night, no? Uh ... you didn’t tell me about your Halloween costume. You came back with such a tiny bag. There couldn’t have a full costume in there.”

Leo looked slightly away.

“No, in fact, I didn’t find anything as a costume because I didn’t look for it. I went for tea and thought. Then, I went to the drugstore. That's where I made my purchases. If you want, you can look at what I bought.”

Leo's voice was neutral, but Raph perceived a slight inflection of nervousness. He understood that Leo WISHED that he looked in the bag. With a little apprehension, he went to the coffee table to look inside the bag.

When he saw what was in the bag, his mouth grew dry with desire and his knees buckled to the point that he thought he was falling.

Lube and condoms.

Leonardo had not looked away from him in order to analyze his expression. Seeing Raphael looking overturned, he cautiously added:

“This is only if you always agree. We are only going very slowly and we will never get there if that's not what you want.”

Raph was speechless, his mind too busy sending him the erotic image of his brother, flushed underneath him, praising him about how it feels good to have Raph’s cock ramming in him.

“Listen, I deeply regretasking, I should never have done that to you...” Leo explained, mistaking Raph’s shock. “But I can’t stay this way. The Dragons exploit my only weakness and it is time for me to put the past behind me. Listen, I'm going to ask someone else, I don’t want to make it awkward between us. I thought maybe...

“No!” Ray shouted, suddenly very afraid Leo would back down if he was still not speaking as a dummy. “ Leo, I really want to help you. I was surprised briefly, that's all. I think I'm the best placed for that,” he stated firmly.

Leo nodded hesitantly and tapped his plate all throughout the meal, just like Raphael by the way.

His heart was beating so hard in his chest that he feared Leo would hear him. He tried to make conversation, to calm himself and Leo.

“So, this Halloween party is a family tradition?”

“Yes and no. Mikey is what you can call a party dude,” Leo replied with a tender smile and Raph felt his heart flutter. If they could have such a calm family life again, it would be nice. He would be Leo’s boyfriend as Mikey was Donnie’s and they can even have a double date at the pool hall or at the movie theater.

“This year, he even added a theme, movie characters,” Leo continued. “I’m not that much into movies, neither dress-up, but…”

“The matrix!” Raph suddenly exclaimed.

“Come again?” Leo asked, frowning.

Raph enthusiastically explained the film, which Leo had never seen, for nearly an hour and showed him photos of Neo. Visualizing Leo in this costume gave him an erection and reminded him that, although he had no idea how the evening would end, he will not get up the same again the next morning.

Leo continued talking for a few minutes, but sensing his roommate's distraction, he shortened the wait that was difficult for both of them.

  
"Follow me," he said simply.

A mixture of happy apprehension and poignant anxiety knotted Raph’s guts and pushed the bile up to the throat. He had never been so nervous in his life. Especially not for a fuck. And he most certainly could not go so far as actual penetration the first night of Leo’s ‘therapy.’ But, the idea of penetrating Leonardo's aura of mystery was more exhilarating than penetrating the flesh of October’s Playmate of the Month. He feared that he’d spoil everything inadvertently. Leo had told him not to move, but what if he could not? What he wasn’t attractive enough? If he didn’t say the right thing? Silence would be a wiser avenue. Neither speak nor move, only obey. Did he have the right to have an erection? Or should he remain as marble as possible, so as not to frighten his brother? Losing Leo, while he was farther in his esteem than he would have ever wished, having even stolen the title of best friend to Usagi, would be insurmountable. He shook his head. He had to keep a cool head.

Having arrived in Leo's room, he gently ordered Raph:

“Undress please and lie on the bed.”

With fevered spirit, Raphael began to gently unbutton his gray shirt and his fingers were seized by an uncontrollable tremor. Thankfully, Leo who was behind him lighting incense and a few candles, could not see his nervousness. He hesitated when he only had his black boxers on his back. Did undress them? He dared not utter his question aloud, uncertain that his voice would not shudder. He decided to remove them and lay down on Leo's blue blanket. At the same time, his service finished, he turned around.

His blue eyes admired Raphael from the bottom up and Leo had only one strangled word:

“Magnificent…”

The moment when this appreciation was said, Raph’s heart dilated with happiness. When Leo removed his t-shirt and his jeans, keeping only his boxers on, he didn’t believe he could be happier. As Raph had imagined, Leo was gorgeous and he felt a lump in his throat thinking about how taboo their next action was. But he couldn’t help but desire his brother.

Carefully, Leo sat on the edge of the bed and offered a hesitant hand to Raph. The effort that it required was visible and Raph didn’t know what to do. Should he reassure him? Encourage him? He felt helpless in the face of Leonardo's distress, which broke his heart. When he found the guy who had hurt his brother so much, he’d eat through a straw for the rest of his life…

"Don’t worry," Leo ordered gently. ”And pump yourself to full length.”

Raph opened incredulous eyes. Had he heard correctly? Did his proper, eldest brother want to watch him while Raph was beating off?

“I want you to give yourself pleasure in front of me,” Leo repeated. “Until climax.”

Yes, that was really what he meant. Never in a hundred years, would Raph have thought his brother was given to voyeurism. Anyway, this thought hardly had time to form when his hand had already grabbed his dick to reproduce the very familiar movements.

Leonardo's eyes were serious and Raph closed his eyes to avoid being too emotionally distracted. The usual smell of incense reminded him of a time a little while ago, and he almost thought he was back in the sewers in his mutant form. He tried to remember the Leo before and realized that, despite trying to deny the evidence behind a ton of aggression, he had always found his brother sexy.

His cock was as hard as a rock now and he spread the pre-cum with his thumb, unable to swallow a small moan of pleasure. Suddenly, a slight movement made him open his eyes.  Leonardo, still in underwear, was now tightly straddling him. As he continued his motion, Raph’s knuckles brushed Leo’s swollen cock visible through the thin fabric of his boxers. The contact of Leo's obvious erection against his hand sent him electric waves.The back and forth of the wrist become s more frenetic. He looked up at his partner, breathless to see there mirrored a lasciviousness equal to his. Leo's hand stroked the inside of Raph’s thighs slightly and Raphael came, leaving a streak of thick cum on Leo’s flawless abs.

Leo stood up and smiled sadly:

“Thank you, Rick.”

“And you?” Raph mumbled, still in his afterglow. “Want me to do something for you?”

“Oh! I had my account for tonight,” Leo explained nervously, his shaky hand running through his black hair. “Let's sleep; you work tomorrow. We will go a little further tomorrow night if you want.”

Raph, while cleaning himself with the wet wipes, placed in anticipation on the bedside table, nodded. Then, Leo curled up against him, chastely, like a kitten looking for warmth. Raph didn’t fall asleep immediately, two contrary thoughts haunting him:

What will they do tomorrow night? His boner just returned thinking about it.

But there was also thought more upsetting.

_"How can I prevent all this from exploding in my face?"_

For the moment of intimacy shared with Leo only made him want to repeat the experience thousands of times. To live with the memory of that moment alone, without hope that he would come back, would make him unhappy all his life. He was convinced of it. Leo was expecting some confessions from Rick, probably the next morning! And he used his night to reinvent himself a life and a past so that Leo continues to give himself to Raphael, letting him remain in his mystery.

 

 

 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to see more about the place/physical look of my characters, go at this site: https://our-secret-lair.com/caros-corner/ and click on caro's verse.


	10. Chapter 10

Miraculously, Leonardo didn’t question him at all the next morning. Their awakening in the same bed was strange in its almost routine appearance, despite the few mornings they had shared in the same bed. Leo made himself a cup of tea and ran through the newspaper with the same interested eye as usual. Then Leo did his training routine, took a shower and spoke little to Raphael. His discomfort, without being visible, was obvious to an instinctive person like Raphael. Besides, he knew his brother to well and could tell Leo was troubled.

The prospect of having to go to work and leave Leo alone was pissing him off. This was as much for fear that something could happen to him as it was for want of staying with him for selfish reasons. He tried to convince himself he was mostly worried because Leo was looking anxious; and so, maybe he had read something concerning about the Purple Dragons in the news papers.

Raph cursed the paper, the criminals, his boss, and almost Leo himself. Why didn't this pig headed ass want to talk to him? Why didn’t he open up to him? But it was a double-edged sword: if he dared question the policeman, Fearless would question him back and Raph wanted to avoid this situation as much as possible, the weight of his lies already overwhelmed him.

Leo wished him a good day and promised to be careful and stay home. Raph left with a heavy heart, feeling like one of the dwarves leaving Snow White’s home for the mercy of the evil witch. But he tried to see the glass half full, thinking that seeing Leo all day, without being able to touch him until nightfall, would have been a terrible torture. Work would change his ideas.

He was wrong and the real torture was being there, under an old Oldsmobile repairing brakes, when he wanted to see Leo's ivory body underneath him. He was working more slowly than usual, checking for the hundredth time that he simply didn’t feel the vibration coming from his cell phone. It was 12:15, the hour when Leo usually called him and he could not go eat without having finished. Anyway, with cramps of anxiety knotting his belly, swallowing a mouthful was out of the question.

He sighed, wiping an old rag over the sweat on his forehead. Was it really close to an hour that he was stuck under this car? He felt himself becoming claustrophobic, the underside of the car suffocating him, the ground uncomfortable and hard. So much did his body prefer the feel of fine sheets of blue percale beneath him and the beautiful face that obsessed him in front of his eyes.

As long as he could, Raph tried to adapt his hands to work, trying to distract his mind from the temptation to check his cell phone's messages again. But each neuron in his brain was just relaying to the next flashbacks from last night: the Leo, arched above him, a lusty flash in his blue eyes. He couldn’t help but to notice that, for the three hours he was at work, Leonardo couldn't be bothered to give him a sign of life when Raph was a puddle of love and hormones. Why Leo was so cold to him, damn it! Why had the only person he really loved been so distant, when all the others, the one’s he didn’t give a shit about, had always been so clingy? Cupid and Karma were both little bitches, he reflected.

He wiped his hands clean from oil, having finally finished, and got out from the car. The temptation to resign his job nagged him again. With his allowance, he didn’t need the money while living with Leo. But he couldn’t tell his brother about his allowance without betraying himself. Therefore, how could he explain to Leonardo that he had dropped everything because he was too eager to see him? Leo would either mock him or turn angry, and either reaction would deeply upset Raphael. So what could he do, besides be patient and hold back? It was skill he had never mastered but it wasn’t like he has the choice.

He tried to resist the temptation to text Leonardo. But his need to get in touch with him was too pervasive. He had to do something before turning crazy. They were friends and roommates and so, it was a normal thing. He would only type something neutral, as usual… He should not change his approach, just because he had jerked off in front of his brother because Leo had not changed his behavior, either. It wasn’t like Raph to agonize about a text. Usually, after having shared an intimate moment like that, he would only type whatever came to his mind, but this time, he was feeling choked, overwhelmed by hesitation.

Raphael uttered a long string of curses, using the opportunity to do so since Leo wasn’t near by. He had to get over it.

  
_‘Hi, how are you? A lot of work here.’_

  
The nausea was tickling him as he waited for the answer. He stared at his nails, all dirty by the motor oil and the grease, and cursed again. He would have to take care of it in priority at home. It was out of the question that he touch Leo’s body with such dirty hands. At the same moment, Leo’s reply came as laconic as he had feared, but a little more developed than usual.

_‘I'm fine. I meditated and cleaned the house. I trained a little more than usual to keep busy. I talked to my brother Mikey about his Halloween party.’_

The heart of Raph exulted! There were four sentences. Leo had never sent him such a long message. It was an achievement in itself. Suddenly, the cell vibrated again and Raphael took it with all the gratitude and the emphasis of a mother holding her first-born for the first time.

  
_‘I'm sorry, I'm asking you too much but can you go get some wine on your way home? I looked at what we have in the fridge but I can’t even figure out what you wanted to do as a meal.’_

  
Raph fought the urge to go further and call, to hear the sweet voice of his brother, too scared to look too eager and bother Leo, but the cell vibrated again, as if suddenly possessed by a life of its own:

_‘I want to see you again. Go to the restroom and take a picture of yourself.’_

A groan of excitement rose from Raphael's contracted throat. He didn’t know what kind of photo Leo wanted, but the ‘again’ sounded to him as if Leo wanted to see something similar to the show Raph gave him the evening before. But that also meant that Leo was missing him as much as he missed Leo. Maybe Leo was less cold to him than he had believed.

In the security of the toilet stall, Raph eagerly popped the snaps of his deep green work suit, almost of the same color or his past green scales, he suddenly realized. Breathing hard, he typed, trying to keep a "cool" appearance by his words, since in any case, Leo couldn’t see him blushing like a maid.

  
 _‘I'm there.’_ he only typed, when he was almost biting his own hand to not yell with excitement.

_‘I want you to think about tonight... when you have visualized well and are eager about it send me a picture of that part.’_

  
A part of Raph was rolling his eyes to such a prudish message. His brother was so chaste, that he wasn’t even able to type penis. Of course, Raph had never expected him to be able to say something as crude as ‘cock,’ but Leo’s virgin way wasn’t his first concern. Leo’s request was unexpectable for what he required and Raph read the message again twice to be sure to not misread or mistake it. What if Raph was the one with his head in the gutter and Leo didn’t mean what Raph thought he meant? He didn’t want to flash his dick and make Leo shocked or mad.

  
 _‘You mean my lower part?_ ’ he decided to ask, hoping Leo wouldn’t back down, too shy to confirm, but Raph needed to check, to not spoil everything.

  
_‘Yes. When you get hard, if you are able to get in the mood at work. Take your time, I know you can have an erection on command.’_

  
Raph watched in dismay, his cock swelled by reading the word ‘erection’ from his proper older brother. For form, and to save his honor, he waited a good two minutes before sending the photo of his cock, erect with the head glistening from precum.

After having sent it, Raph was debating with himself if he should continue beating off to completion or go back to work, the cell vibrated again.

  
_‘Nice pic. Do you want one from me, too?’_

  
Raph had no idea how his fingers could work while his brain was in shock and his whole body was frozen. But his fingers, endowed with their own will, were able to type a reply.

  
_‘Why not?’_

  
He then realized that he had fallen to his knees on the ground, like a groupie of an American boy band or a believer in front of a crying Madonna, a complete dichotomy with the detached tone of the text.

He was shaking so excitedly that he almost dropped his phone into the bowl when he received another message:

  
_‘Now or after it’s done?’_

  
Swallowing hard, Raph‘s imagination went wild. Leo was lying down on his back, legs spread apart, pumping his cock, while looking at Raph’s. Leo would cum, thinking of him. Then, Leo would send a photo of him all messed up, sweaty and sticky. Picturing his brother, his face relaxed by the afterglow, was a much too enticing idea. He couldn’t wait, he needed to see a glimpse of it, now.

  
_‘After. I will finish myself at the same time, but I want to see your face in it, too.’_

  
His wrist was already moving like it was on overdrive and it took less than one minutes for him to cum, hard, splattering semen on the wall of the stall. He was still catching his breath when he received the picture. The picture was taken from the underside, and Raph could only see the upper part of his brother's dick and the beaded seed ribbons on his stomach. He saw only the lower half of his face, and his lips were half open, like in a moan and Raph saved the picture, blissful to have something new to worship besides underwear.

But after receiving the picture, Raph knew two things. Firstly, he really had to do something to not look like a quarter pump chump. Leo was affecting him too much, so much so that he doubted that, at this point, he’d be able to contain himself for a full pelvic thrust, if one day, he was enough blessed to reach that. The second thing he knew was that he would not be able to work in the afternoon, not after having masturbate in lifetime with Leo.

An hour later, two bottles of wine under his arm, he arrived at the apartment. He had resigned by one of his customary impulses, responding impulsively to his need to see Leo,having annihiled all obstacles. He convinced himself of the goodness of his compulsive reaction. If a discreet and controlled person like Leo could go as far as exchanging sexy photos, than it means he must be horny as fuck. If Leo was craving to have Raph in his bed, he would not delay this further in case Leo came back to his senses and changed his mind. He would invent a story for Leo to explain why he came up early today, like a lack of clients. He will just pretend to go to work and come back the next day and have a coffee somewhere. He still had his income and it was enough for him now. Besides, it wasn’t like it was his first lie.

But when he arrived he hadn’t had the greeting he had daydreamed about for more than one hour.  
  
“Rick? Already back?” Leo asked, frowning.

This lukewarm welcome made the effect of an icy shower in Raph. Leo was reading in the living room, looking calm and composed. Nothing of the lascivious creature that Raph had liked to imagine.

“Uh, I finished earlier. Not enough customers. By the way, I'm going to do fewer hours until spring. I will only work three days a week, from 10:00 am to 3:00 pm,” he lied. There, he would only have to fake thrice a week and would not have to stay out too long. It wasn’t that bad.

“But I don’t understand. You texted me two hours ago that you had a lot of work, right?”

Raph was caught. Damn Leo and his memory.

“No, I misjudged,” he stammered. “I bought the wine.”

Leo looked at him darkly, not falling for getting sidetracked.

“Are you telling me the truth? You know that to learn that you lied to me, even for such a tiny thing, would destroy everything between us? I can’t stand to be lied to.”

Raph swallowed hard, and his own saliva seemed corrosive to him. But he was in shit too deep to get out now. Not so soon in his new relationship with Leonardo.

“It's the truth,” Raphael insisted, despite feeling overwhelmed by shame.

The rest of the evening was a torture. Leonardo's contrary signals and shift of mood were driving Raph crazy. His brother sent him this erotic picture, and then, after Raph arrived, after he dropped everything to make love to him as passionately as possible, Leo looked like a fucking eunuch.

Raph couldn’t help but be morose, the weight of emotions as vivid as the extremes of today had left his nerves on edge. He was no longer able to feign indifference, or interest in the movie he was watching one foot from Leo, his hands folded on his lap. He felt like he was in the 30’s, having to court a maid, while watched closely by her parents to be sure he didn’t get her pregnant before the wedding. But nobody there was supposed to watch over Leo’s virginity. Leo was the only one making an obstacle of it, when he had probably had previous lovers. Why he was still so cold after Raph had made evident how much he cared for him?

Obviously, Leo regretted things and was going to end their "arrangement" and Raphael was frustrated, disappointed and pained. He also felt scared of Leo's threat to kick him out if he was dishonest and, felt ashamed to lie to and trick his brother, and he has felt stressed for weeks about being unmasked. These negative emotions were a dangerous cocktail. After having wanted to be with Leo all day, he wanted to get away, for their both sakes before committing something irreparable.

He stood up in the middle of the movie, pumped on adrenaline.

“I’m gonna train. I need to blow off some steam,” he said in a totally Raphael-like, but too frustrated to care manner.

Leo leaned his head to the side, glancing at him shyly.

“Oh. I thought of going to bed. You can still join me later, if you want too.”

Raph had a moment of vertigo. How was it allowed to act so cute when he was already that handsome? Forgetting what was making him all gloomy two minutes ago, he followed Leo.

Leonardo closed the door, his look lowered his long, black, doe-like eyelashes doing shadow on his cheeks. His demeanor was chaste, but his words were bold.

"This time, I'll undress you myself.”

With sure gestures, Leo removed all of Raphael's clothes and when he pulled down Raph's black boxer shorts, he gently kissed the inside of his thigh, barely restraining a curse, making the owner, melt. Then,fingers slightly stroked the inside of his thighs and with a firm hand, grasped Raphael's painfully erect cock.

“Lie down. It would be better,” Leo suggested in a whisper. Raph did what he was told to do. Anyway, his body was trembling from self-restraint and excitement, so it was better this way. With gestures a little more quivering, Leo undressed too and lay down near Raph.

“I will touch you, caress you... relax. I won’t go further. If you are uncomfortable, say the word and I stop everything.”

Raph nodded mechanically, stiffened by expectation.

While Leo’s hands led him to a climax that was as fast as it was ineluctable, Leo, as if Raph wasn’t sufficiently stimulated, kissed his chest, licking a trail between the hair, before nipping playfully at his left nipple and Raph growled at the over stimulation. Leo had a deep chuckle, it was so foreign but went straight to Raph’s cock. He would never be satisfied with his hand after this, he said to himself, pushing his nails into his palms to resist the devouring urge to fondle Leo in turn. His partner was whispering some encouraging words, but in a voice too low for Raph to understand. Anyway, he was too busy to fight the wave about to crush him. He needed to last a little more to not disappoint Leo. But then, Leo stroked the head of cock with his thumb, brushing the urethral entrance with his nail and Raph yelped. The surprise made him lose his battle and cum and he bit his lips until they bleed, preventing screams of pleasure after the unmanly sound he had made.

When he opened his eyes, he looked at Leo, still untouched, licking his hand clean from Raph own cum and the image burned Raph’s retinas in a way he knew he would never be able to unsee.

“I was only trying get used to the taste, before tomorrow,” Leo explained to an astonished Raphael. “Let’s sleep now.”

Leo was now sleeping peacefully next to him while Raph was still staring at the ceiling, fantasizing about Leo’s words about the next night.

 

 


	11. Chapter 11

When Raphael got up alone in his brother's bed, he thought again about the night before. They had gone further, Leo had touched him and now maybe things would change between them. Maybe Leo... would experience something similar to his own emotions, like romantic feelings. He imagined Leonardo, blushing and speaking to him with his sweet voice.

Eager to find out about it, he climbed down to the basement, knowing his brother was probably there. Indeed, Leo was downstairs practicing a kata of breathtaking beauty. Lost, in his inner thoughts, it took him several minutes to notice Raph's admiring eye.

“Good morning, Rick.”

His voice was friendly but neutral, not at all the kind of cute shyness he thought Leo would have. Perhaps Raph was wrong and they were not far enough in their intimacy for that beautiful statue to have feelings? Raphael snorted, trying to hide his deep disappointment. He had known that it was a dangerous game to accept this ‘arrangement,’ not so much because he didn’t want to reveal his secrets, but because he was afraid that his feelings for Leo would grown. But he had agreed to this because, although he had no idea what had happened, Leonardo was deeply hurt and he wanted to help him to get better.

Thinking of it and how Leo was obviously traumatized, he should have know that Leo wasn’t going to vowe himself to Raphael after having jerked off with him. He would have been the first to point out the stupidity of a girl who thought the same about him. So, why expect a different reaction from Leonardo? Raph’s real goal was to help Leo to feel better and become his best friend. All this was well on its way, so why was Raphael biting his lips sourly instead of responding to his brother's brotherly salutation? "It's just your brother, fool, and you don’t want to go that way. Leo clearly said he didn’t want to, and you must respect that wish because when the truth comes out... "

“Hey...” he said awkwardly, “I'll lift some dumbbells and get ready to go to work.”

He still didn’t know where he would go while ‘going work’. Probably a coffee shop.

“Rick,” Leo called him uncertainly, “tell me the truth. Did you lose your job yesterday because your boss caught you in the restroom?”

It was an unexpected twist of events, but Leo offered him an alibi on a silver platter! He nodded.

Leo moved closer and wrapped his arms around Raph in an unexpected embrace.

“I am sorry. I knew it would have disastrous consequences. I had a bad feeling and regretted it all afternoon. I don’t know what possessed me, some selfish impulse and... You lied so that I wouldn't feel guilty, and…”

Raphael put a finger on Leo’s lips.

"Hush, Fearless. I am not angry that I lost my job. I have some savings,” he lied, thinking of his allowance. “Anyway, as long as you also don’t work, I prefer to stay here with you.”

"That doesn’t matter, you must have been mortally embarrassed and it's my fault.” Leo retorted nervously.

Leo's misplaced guilty look made Raphael feel bad, but he let himself be flogged.

Since Raphael wasn’t working, there was nothing to stop them going out and Raphael offered to go find a Halloween costume with Leo. The day went by smoothly except that Raph could feel a pinch every time he noticed those fidgety and empty hand. He wanted to reach this hand, hug Leo, caress him, kiss him... and he couldn’t do it any more than if the Great Wall of China had stood between them. He knew he should have felt satisfied. He had never been so high in Leo's friendship and they were now even on the way to being friend with benefits. Leo had made it obvious Raphael would receive a blowjob tonight. Raph was excited, of course, like any man would be, but he wasn’t happy. He would gladly have exchanged the blow job for the favor of holding Leo's hand in Central Park. It seemed now more intimate since it was, as absurd it was, more difficult to achieve.

They had fun shopping and making Leo try on costumes. Raphael indulged in his uniform and costume kink a lot, making Leo try some on only for the pleasure of seeing him in these outfits, but Raph found to their joy an artificial side. When they walked back to their home, Leo's eyes were those of a hunted beast. Even if he was trying to be chatty, Raph felt so powerless, a feeling he never liked to feel and he felt the urge to hit something, anything, in his helpless rage to no be able to breach through Leo’s defense. He hated the situation, but didn’t know how to change anything without the risk of destroying everything.

Nevertheless, when they arrived at home around 6 pm, a revival of excitement came to him while he was preparing dinner and he began to be impatient. In a few hours, their flesh would be touching and, with a blush more fitting a Southern belle than a bulky man like him, he prepared the salmon.

Around 9:30pm, seeing Leo a little agitated but too shy to call the shot, Raphael told him that he was going to take a shower before going to sleep.

Leo nodded stiffly.

“Very well. I'll be waiting for you in my room.”

The "my" room, instead of the “our" that could have been legitimate, affected Raph as if he was being tickled by a knife’s blade. Not enough to hurt him, but unpleasant all the same. He stood up quickly, before evidence of his frustration broke out on his face.

In the privacy of the shower, Raphael tried to tame his anger, to grasp its origin before it exploded. He was disappointed. By agreeing to play sexual games with Leonardo he thought he was approaching him, but in fact he remained at the same point. He had deeper feelings for his brother and the caresses exchanged between them. Instead of satisfying him, it sharpened his hunger, raising his feelings to an exponential rate. He was in love, he couldn’t deny it. He could stop if Leo was very firm in his refusal but this shared intimacy made it even more difficult for Leo to reject him and for Raph to stop thinking about him.

So what now? Tell Leo he didn’t want to have sex with him? He knew very well his brother would accept this decision and would never force him, but then, Leo would fall even deeper into in depression. Raph couldn’t let him down like that! He was the stupid one, having stupid feelings! He had to get rid of them. He would continue sex, for Leo’s sake, because the poor boy was obviously traumatized. It wasn’t like sex with Leo would be unpleasant. Raphael would take pleasure on his own account, then one day, for lack of fuel, this unfortunate passion would be extinguished by itself.

He had to keep in mind that it was only part of a therapy. And even if the idea of him being a therapist would have made his other brothers sneer, Raph would stay professional. Whores ‘did’ clients without falling in love, right? Raphael could certainly do the same!

If, twenty minutes later, someone asked Raph what his new resolve was with regards to his relationship with his roommate, he would not have had a clue.

He couldn’t even recall his fake name while Leo’s soft hands were caressing his body and his tongue was sliding down the veins of his swollen cock. Raph wasn’t even able to look down at him, knowing his self-control would slip if he did. Leo, with his tongue, was doing stuff to him that Raph didn’t even recall seeing in porn. And if he did have the strength to formulate a coherent question, he would have asked him where Leo learned to give such amazing blow-jobs. But he couldn’t help being jealous that his brother had fallen to his knee to give the same pleasure to someone else.

But it wasn’t the worst. In spite of himself, at the same time as his imminent orgasm, his passion threatened to overflow. He could no longer restrain his desire to take Leo in his arms, and hold him down on the mattress. He would forcefully open his lips for a kiss, to feel that deliciously skillful tongue against his. Yes, a kiss couldn’t be bad, right? Just a kiss to tell Leo all the strength of his desire to be one with him. Staying still was as painful as if tons of ants were eating him alive. He had to touch, just perhaps stroking the silky ebony hair to know if they were as soft as they looked.

He reached his orgasm and before he could do anything, Leo swallowed his load, looking up and his dilated pupils met Raph's distraught gaze. Their eyes stayed locked one moment and as if he was reading Raphael’s thoughts, Leonardo stepped back abruptly.

“Thank you, Rick. You can go to your room, now, " Leonardo murmured in an unrecognizable,  
low voice while reaching nervously for the glass of water ready on his nightstand.

Incredulous, Raphael looked at Leo like he had grown a second head.

“Come again?”

“I need to be alone. And I'm pretty confident I can sleep without a bodyguard, knowing you the other side of the wall.”

Although Leonardo's tone was mild and polite, Raph knew him enough to hear the order in it and Leo’s orders were never admitted discussion.

With rage, Raphael snatched his clothes and slammed the door behind him.

When he reached his room, he threw a punch against the door frame. He rushed to his bed and stuffed his mattress with punches and soaked his pillow with tears of anger, disappointment and incomprehension. He felt like he had been used then thrown away, like some asswipe. He fell asleep without being aware of it, tired out by his tears.

On Wednesday, Raph got up in a sour mood like hadn’t had in a while and also, later than usual, while Leo was still training in the basement. He didn’t bother with seeing him, having not settled his feelings yet, and he took a quick shower. Leo wanted to be alone? Fine, he would be. He decided not to play the housewife and make breakfast for that insensitive jerk. It was already past 8 am and if Leo was still in the basement training, it was because he didn’t want to see Raph’s face either.

Feeling too edgy to confront Leo even one moment, he stormed out without a goodbye. On his way, he bought a donut and coffee at the street vendor as breakfast and walked for more than seven hours, only allowing forty minutes to rest his legs in a park and eat a hot dog as lunch. Throughout this mad walk, he had tried to prevent himself from thinking about Leo, but in spite of himself, everything brought him back to his mind. He had forbidden himself to look at his phone because he had not felt it vibrate once. The chilly air and the cloudy sky from the end of October was fitting with his shady mood. He felt no desire to return, thinking about how Leo was even colder than the wind. He was tired of playing games with his brother, of hurting his own feelings each time without seeing that much improvement in Leo’s state. And what about the bite of guilt and panic he felt each time that he had to lied to him. Maybe he should tell the truth and then it would all be over and Raph would suffer like the way he had before, drinking to his sorrow and the emptiness of his life. But at least then, he would feel like he would have deserved it. It would not be this ‘hot and cold’ that Leo had given giving him when Raph had only love and tenderness. At the moment when this quasi promise was being forged in his mind, his cell vibrated and he saw that he had received a text.

_‘Thank you for understanding that I needed some alone time to think. I thought about it and tonight, if you want, I'm ready for you to touch me.’_

Raph didn’t even take the time to slip his cell into his pocket, and he ran to the nearest subway station.

 

He arrived, panting after a one hour subway trip. He had stopped at the fresh market and grabbed the liquor to make a lovely dinner to make up for his long absence and the missing breakfast. Leo greeted him as if nothing had happened, smiling kindly and offering to help him with the meal. Raph was much too excited and happy to push the matter, and he waited for Leo’s green light with a patience he thought he’d never have.

He was rewarded for his patience when, just after the dishes, Leo didn’t take the way to the living room and made a beeline to his bedroom. Raph followed him with the docility of a puppy, heart filled with hope.

Pointing the bed, Leonardo turned to him.

“Sit down, I'm going to undress. Don’t touch me right away,” he murmured.

Raph nodded and waited obiendly, hands on his lap, while slowly Leo proceeded to his striptease.

He saw the hesitation, the clenching of Leo’s hands, when he still only had on his boxers. Then, a determined gleam shone in Leonardo’s eyes and he finished to undress. Raph knew that staring at his brother’s crotch would be ridiculous and make Leo feel uncomfortable, so he glanced at it briefly enough to confirm Raph's idea that the size of his dick had nothing to do with his brother’s shyness. Leo’s was average, around his own size.

Leo sat, but with his gun in reach, remarked Raphael with amazement. It hurt him deeply. How could Leo have so little faith in him? What more could Raph do to show him that he was there for him and would never hurt him? The lack of naturalness of the situation and seeing Leo so tense was a buzzkill.

“You can touch, if you want, the top of my body for now. With your hand.” Leo said. “Be gentle, please.”

Raph carried a hesitant hand towards his brother. Leo didn’t have to tell him to be gentle, it was his intention anyway. His first target was the cheek. A reassuring caress. Then his hand slipped into the fine hair, which he found more silky and soft than those of people before. Leo's skin was smooth and warm, with a pleasant satin feel that he was afraid of damaging with his calloused mechanic's hands. Leo's breath quickened as a hand began to stroke his lower abdomen.

“Not yet… the lower part.”

Raph obeyed and his hand returned to stroking the chest, trying to stay patient and gentle. He rubbed his thumb cautiously on Leo’s nipple and with amazement he saw them hardening and Leo moaned quietly. The marble began to warm up under his hands and Leo, with an imperceptible breath, told him he was ready and pulled Raph to him so that they were both lying face to face. Leo's hand slipped between Raphael's thighs and he took it as a green light to do the same. Leo didn’t object and gave a very small moan of contentment when Raph took his cock.

While their wrists activated each other, Raphael suddenly became aware of the proximity of Leonardo's lips. They were both on the edge of orgasm, Raph felt Leo’s cock pulsating and twitching under his hand. Kissing him at the same moment they reached their peak looked appropriate to him. He advanced his face a little, to notify Leo of his intent. Biting his lips and breathing harshly, his brother had his face transfigured by pleasure and it was so hot that he was already there, cumming hard. Leo's eyes were closed, but Raph decided to move on.

On an impulse, he smashed his lips against his partner and slip his tongue in the half-opened mouth for a kiss., while riding his climax. But Leo, after a nanosecond of hesitation, froze with all his being and drew back, hand to the bedside table, to defend himself if necessary.

“What was that? You can’t do _that_!” Leo yelled, indignant, his eyes glittering with anger.

Never had Raph’s climax been spoiled that way neither had he been so abruptly turned off.

“Why not? We did everything else!” he replied angrily.

Leo covered himself with blankets, protecting himself as best he could.

“I can’t! You wouldn't understand!”

“How can I? You haven’t told me jack shit! Try for once to explain it to me! I’m not dumb or insensitive like ya,” Raph snapped, now mad to the point he wasn’t sure he could hold anything back. His control was already slipping, making him tell things that he was already regretting, but it was too late.

“I’m not insensitive!” Leo shouted back, indignant. “And I don’t have to explain anything to you! Anyway, you don’t tell me anything either!” Leo retorted and if Raphael had been not that out of his mind with rage, he would have seen the tear in the blue eyes. “You’re still hiding things from me, despite your promise. Tell me about it, and then, maybe I would.”

Raph looked at Leo for two minutes, never had he been so tempted to confess all of the story. But, at this point, it wouldn’t do anything good. Before losing it, he was better leaving.

“I’m going out,” he mumbled.

It wasn’t the answer Leo was expecting.

“What, at 11pm, on a Wednesday?”

"I don’t give a shit, I need a fucking break from ya and a damn drink," Raph muttere darkly, putting back on his jeans. Usually, he watched his language to please his brother, but Raphael was far too angry and upset to give a damn about Leo’s chaste ears.

He purposely slammed the door again, not listening to any of Leo's calls.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for all the delays. I'm not very motivated lately. I'm currently writing an original story, not fandom related and it takes a lot of my time. I will try to update here and there.


	12. Chapter 12

  
He woke up in a shabby motel room, having totally forgotten the day before. He was alone, which made him grateful. He didn’t want to interact with anyone. He wanted to forget what had happened between Leonardo and him. In fact, he felt like he needed to forget about Leo himself. Anyway, he was sure that sooner or later all of his lies would blow up in his face. The best way to not get hurt more by his unrequited love was to move elsewhere. Running away was probably a loser’s reflex, but he could not stand being sexually used anymore without receiving any kind of love. He remembered with shame all the women he had fucked in his life and ditched immediately after. Was it karma doing its duty to punish Raph? If that was the way the poor girls had felt, Raph was really sorry for them and if he could find the 800 or so women, he would sincerely ask for forgiveness.

He sighed and, rubbing his forehead, tried to put together the scattered memory of what had happened before he passed out on a motel bed. This hangover was the worse he remembered having. It was indeed true that he wasn’t used to drink anymore, well not since he was living at Leo’s. But out of Leo's captivating aura, he was just going to turn bad again. Yet he had to leave before his heartache worsened or his new friendship with Leo was permanently compromised. He only needed to leave a few months and try is best to forget about it. He would come back later, when his mind would be cleared and that he wouldn’t lust over his own brother. Then, he could contact Leo again and go back to being only his friend.

Raph looked down at his naked body, uncertain whether he had shared his bed with anyone last night. There was no dried cum on him and the tiny room didn't reek of sex, which mean he had probably only passed out from alcohol. He was relieved. He was really determined to turn over a new leaf about having one-night stands.

Raphael groped for his cell phone, only to see the hour. He opened his eyes wide. It was 2:30 pm and Leo had left him several text messages.

‘Please Rick, come home.’

‘I beg you, answer me I'm worried sick.’

‘We can speak when you’re back. We could stop what we were doing and return to be friends, if it’s what you want.’

Raph clenched his teeth. He didn’t want to be friends. Was Leonardo completely stupid or just blind? Raph's every look was heavy with desire and even a numbskull would have understood, right? But the most important question was: did he _have_ to answer? Raph wasn’t ready to come back yet, having not settled his feeling for his insensitive brother. He needed to brace himself so he didn’t fall for this jerk again.

Not having Leo's clear eyes in front of him, he felt more courageous. He had to take the bull by the horns and immediately establish his new resolution so that he could not go back on his words.

‘I'll will be back maybe tomorrow to fetch my things. I have to move on and get my own apartment. I abused of your generosity enough’’

Heart pounding, Raph pressed "Send" while half of his brain screamed to the other that he was committing the worst mistake. Long minutes passed before Raphael received an answer.

‘If that’s your decision, I'll respect it, but come back. I would like to talk to you. Then you can choose.’

Raphael hesitated. If Leo was ready to open up, to actually speak to him and tell him the reasons for his behavior, he could listen to him. If Leo typed so many messages, then, maybe, he cared for him more than Raph thought.

He didn’t reply and left the hotel room, preferring the front parking lot. It didn’t take long for him to figure out where he was. On foot, it would take about forty minutes to return to Leo’s apartment. How he had

He returned but took his time, stopping to get some aspirin for his persistent migraine. He pushed open the door to the apartment, a little unsure of the right attitude to adopt. He regretted his impulsive text message, even though he knew it was a wise decision.

He barely entered the living room before he was against the wall and hungry lips searched his. Frantic hands ran down his body, pressing against his. Once again, all will left Raphael, while entranced with such delirious enthusiasm, he responded to the kiss and caresses. Leo caught his breath and looked him straight in the eyes.

“Rick, I... I…”

He bit his lower lip with nervousness and corrected his sentence:

“I was worried.”

Raph’s heart missed a beat, thinking he had heard the three magic words. The words he had heard from hundreds of lips and never touched his soul. But Leo seemed to burn with an unusual passion; they were kissing, not even at night or in the bedroom but at dinner time in the living room. Leo was obviously more comfortable with him than before and so, words of love would inevitably follow, he reasoned, while Leo feverishly undid his jeans.

“I’ll make it up to you,” Leo murmured, on his knees in front of Raph, before pulling Raph’s cock out of his pants and take it in his mouth.

Leo's blowjob was phenomenal, Raph couldn’t remember experiencing so much pleasure. His brother was clearly more affectionate than usual since his caresses were more assured and his lips pressed more firmly. He came too fast, thus shortening a pleasure he would have liked forever.

Leonardo glanced at him greedily, licking his lips and kissing him again. As Raph opened his mouth to speak, Leo pulled him down with a slight emphasis. Raphael, in a flash of excitement, understood that Leonardo was asking for the same favor from him. Raphael bit his lips with apprehension. He had never given head anyone and the fear of doing it wrong and disappointing Leo paralyzed him. Raph sucked at so many things that blowjobs could be one of those.

Then, his brother's hand tenderly grabbed his hair and, encouraged, he began, trying to remember all his experience about it. He could not pretend to reproduce Leo's skilled tongue moves. He always remembered having loved it when his partner took him in their mouth as deeply as possible and decided to opt for a technique based on strength and power and not precision, like Leo’s.

He cursed his gag reflex that prevented him from taking Leo as deeply as he wanted, trying to instill in the movement of his jaw all the energy of his desire. He had fantasized so much about this moment that and he had to jerk himself off with one hand while he held Leo in the other, not able to hold back. After ten minutes, he found that he was about to come again while Leo hadn’t yet. He tried to hold back again, nearly failing, but was saved from dishonor by the orgasmic spasm that shook his lover. He let himself go and Raph got up and kissed Leo on his own. It was a bold move for a guy that was kicked out the night before for the exact same reason, but Raph’s instinct told him he could. Indeed, Leo didn’t shy away from the kiss.

“So?” Leo asked in a shy voice.

“So?” Raph repeated idly, still in his afterglow. “I really have to ask D... my doctor for pills to last longer! It's starting to be embarrassing!” he exclaimed, wiping sweat from his forehead.

Leo turned to look at him

“What do you mean? You last as long as...”

Leo immediately put his hand in front of his mouth, regretting having said too much.

Slowly, but with firmness, Raph removed his hand.

“You made me come back here to talk, so talk to me. Don’t think you can get suck me off and get out it.”

“I... I don’t know if I should... you have to let me think about my wording first.”

Raphael frowned in front of the hesitant composure when his brother was so passionate before, but he decided to be patient again. Leo just make him cum twice, he couldn’t pressure him too much.

“Listen, I'm going to take a shower,” he said. “You can come to take it with me and…”

“No! I take my showers _alone!”_

The refusal had been pronounced in such a wild tone that Leo excused himself and went on.

“I had a bad experience including showers,” Leo explained and Raph could tell how much this ‘bad experience’ was traumatic only by Leo’s face. “For now, I'm not ready to share this space with anyone.”

Raph decided not to push. Leo had told him ‘for now’ and it was encouraging. He kissed Leo on the lips again, rubbing his thumb on the now swollen lips.

“I’ll be back in a few minutes. Think about it. I promise to shut up and listen to you, without judgment or pressure.”

After Leo nodded, he took his shower, feeling light-hearted like he had never been.

When he comes back, Leo's eyes stared at the void. He started in a low voice.

“I can’t tell you everything, I have signed a confidentiality agreement with the government and I don’t want to go into details.”

Raph nodded, to encourage his brother to continue.

“I didn’t do the "real army," I was actually part of an elite unit, for very special and delicate missions. Only people with special talents could be part of this unit.”

“Ex-mutants?” Raph suggested.

“No ... assassin in foreign countries. As formidable as it was discrete. We were twelve, with the... the... commander.”

Just how Leo spat the last word, Raph knew that this "commander" had something to do.

“Continue,” Raph told him, in his softest voice.

“Well... uh... terrible things happened. Like even in war there, there can be. Not only to me. I... I actually think I died that day, too.”

The blue eyes filled with tears and Raph held his breath.

“I... I can’t be in a relationship anymore.”

This was not the conclusion Raph expected and, ulcerated, he asked why.

“I did it... and well...” Leo was searching his words, obviously still withholding most parts of the story for himself. “I can’t let someone in anymore. Not... not immediately anyway. I've already managed to trust you," he continued, his eyes watering with tears. “Maybe I will be ready one day to be more to someone, but for now… that’s it.”

Raph wasn’t fully satisfied with Leo's response, but his "no" wasn’t definitive and his distress was so great that Raph took him in his arms and kissed his forehead.

“Hey, Fearless. What about we watch a movie? You didn’t watch the Matrix yet, did ya? We can do that tonight, to put yourself in your character for your brother's party next Saturday. We could only huddle together under a blanket and eat popcorn? No sex. And I’ll make the popcorn. No need for a fire tonight," he added jokingly.

Leo smiled as he wiped away his tears.

“I would like that. I often watched films stuck to my brother, Raph, when we were young. He knew I was always cold and... it was before he hated me. I miss him.”

This statement warmed Raphael's heart. Trembling, he rented the movie and did the popcorn. He wrapped his arm around Leo's shoulders and pulled him close without being afraid, for once, to make a move too quick. Three hours later, he carried Leo who had fallen asleep on his lap. He tucked him in bed and lay down next to Leo, wrapping his arms like a protective cocoon against the frail body of the young man by his side, and thinking for the thousandth time how he needed to know Leonardo’s secret. He wanted to break the ice in which Leo was dying. He had to find an opportunity to watch the DVD in Leo’s drawer.

The next day, an opportunity was presented to him on a silver platter.

“My brother Mikey has requested my help with the decorations for his party. Does it bother you if I leave? You can come with me if you want,” Leo added.

The invitation had a boomerang effect: being introduced into Leo's family was a step towards a real "relationship," but the problem was that Leo's brothers were also his, and Don would unmask him while still at the door frame! He could not take that risk!

He declined the invitation and did his best to ignore the disappointment that marked his brother's delicate features. He asked Leo to text him as soon as he arrived at his brothers' house to make sure he had arrived safely.

Upon receipt of the text message, Raph pressed "Play."

Two and a half hours later, Raph would have accepted a lobotomy and received sulfuric acid in his eyes if he had been assured that it could have erase all traces in his memory of what he had seen.Traumatized, white as snow, he was trembling so much that he was unable to eradicate that disc from the reader. He could only say to himself, that if he were Leo, he wouldn’t keep a revolver in his bedside table for a possible intruder. He would have turned it against himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> March 15th is fast approaching! Please don't forget to cast your ballots in the TMNT Universal Reader's Choice Awards.
> 
> The Reader's Choice is the once yearly Academy Awards for TMNT fan fiction writers. It matters - it means the world to the people who spend hours writing and then posting their creations for your enjoyment.
> 
> You don't have to vote in every category - if you're only familiar with a few stories, then vote for what you know. BUT - this is a great opportunity to become acquainted with writers you haven't yet explored. This is a great way to discover talented people whose works you might not have found on your own.
> 
> If you need more info about the awards, follow this link: https://our-secret-lair.com/readers-choice-awards/
> 
> You'll also find links to both the General Voting Ballot and the Mature Voting Ballot. Beneath those links are the ones to the Reading Ballots, so you can take a gander at all the stories that have been nominated.
> 
> There aren't a lot of rules, but please familiarize yourself with them before you vote.
> 
> And above all else, for Turtles' sake - please VOTE!


	13. Chapter 13

  
Raph could not control his trembling and unfortunately, taking the DVD disc, he broke it in two.  
“Shit!”

Certainly, if Leo liked to punish himself by watching this video, Raph was delighted to have destroyed this shit. But if Leo wanted to watch it if he got caught by a mea culpa crisis, he would find the missing disk. Could Raph make him believe that he had destroyed it without watching it?

Shit, he needed a drink. Something strong to recover before Leo's arrival. Of course, Leo didn’t have alcohol at home. All they had left was red wine... ah, and a bottle of the Grand Marnier he had bought to give flavor to Usagi's crème brûlée.

He drank both bottles, thinking it would be like a kind of sangria in his stomach. He was still shaking. Shit. How to forget what he had seen? How to act as if nothing had happened? He swears on his life, he would never dare to touch Leonardo like that! In any case, everything was explained and Raph would have understood if Leo had proceeded with his castration using his own katana.

He put his hand to his eyes and struggled against a gag. He didn’t want to remember, but he had to try to understand the thirty films put end-to-end. The first were explicit. Raph had listened to the first three with devouring jealousy. Leo, his eyes bright with love and confidence, as he had never seen. For another. His commander obviously, although he never appeared on the videos, filming with his cellular phone. Only Leonardo caressing and preparing... Then sexual interactions of the commander and Leonardo became more violent and humiliating for the latter, who gradually lost that sparkle in his eyes. Raph needed to sit on his hands to not shake the television with rage. He’d always had a predilection for "hardcore" sex, but this kind of behavior did not fit with his brother's romantic personality. Then, all of a sudden, the object of the film was no longer Leonardo. Raph expected everything but that kind of shit. A member of the unit was raping a child of about thirteen, visibly intoxicated. Raph looked away and said that if Leo had participated in this, he might love him, he would never speak to him again...

But, he soon realized that it was always another soldier other than Leo who was with the child and another that filmed, because it was not Leo’s voice. How did Leo get these videos?

The final scene was almost as unsustainable. Raph, like those with children, muted the sound because he could not bear to hear the insults hurled at his brother while he was brutally attacked and abused by his eleven brothers in arms. At one point, the man whom he guessed to be the famous commander with whom Leo had a sort of affair came in, and instead of relieving Leo of his shackles, he leaned over to kiss him and stayed to watch.

Not surprising that a kiss no longer had a tender and complicit connotation for him! He had understood only one sentence launched by one of the rapists to Leo:

"You're going to open your dirty mouth for something other than denouncing us. Little slut."

Suddenly, in a flash, Raph held a semblance of raw understanding, despite the missing pieces of the puzzle. Leo, had known about the acts of pedifilia. Leo, right and honest, had wanted to stop those actions and had to ask a supervisor to intervene. Obviously, the camera had been placed by Leo himself, because in the end, he was seen to advance towards it and then cut everything. Leo had been trapped and raped for audio and video evidence of the criminal acts of others. Probably somewhere on that video, Leo had managed to extract confessions. Raph regretted having been weak and not having put on the sound. But how had Leo gotten access to the other cell phones, including that of the commander? But more importantly, where were these motherfuckers so he could beat the shit out of them? And how were the Purple Dragons aware of a fact that had happened on another continent? For Raph may well have had a zero in Geography, he suspected that it was not in Kansas that the events had taken place. No wonder Leo’s traumatized. Obviously, as disturbing as the thought was for Raph, Leo had sincerely loved this man, who had let him be beaten and humiliated without lifting a finger. Certainly, Leo, from now on, did not want to have sex anymore, nor sentimental attachment. That he had the courage to do what had done with him was already an effort and Raph blamed himself for having tried to burn some steps. That Leo pushed to buy lubricant while...

"Wooh, one minute, Raph... would... would Leo have bought the lube and condoms for a purpose you would not have considered? Leo on the top and he...”

The scales fell from Raphael's eyes. Of course Leo, with too much traumatic experience, would not play the receiving position as Raph had taken for granted. This role had fallen to Raph. Nervousness took him. He had never done that and never even thought to do it, alpha male as he was. But if he wanted to get physically close to Leo and tame him, that was the best way. At the controls, which was his natural place despite a finer silhouette, Leonardo would be more relaxed. This proof of trust Raph would grant him would perhaps touch him.

Raphael's "sangria" rolled up his throat and he rushed to the toilet to vomit. Then he looked at himself in the mirror. He really had a pale complexion. That of someone who would have seen a ghost! But even a ghost would have been a tolerable sight next to that!

Shit! He was not really ready to face Leo! He had been gone for about four hours and surely his arrival was imminent. There came to his mind a fucking fairy tale that Splinter told them, children. The story of a man with a blue beard who warned his wife not to open such a room, but gave him the key. Curious, she had opened it to witness a vision of horror and had escaped. Blood on the key remained marked as evidence of her disobedience, despite multiple washings. On his return, deceit was clearly written on her face, the blue-bearded man had wanted to put her to death.  
Of course, on his face too, guilt, horror and disgust were to be read, and Leo was not a man with so many terrible secrets, at least he hoped. He would quickly guess that Raph had ventured his secret.

Suddenly, he heard the noise of a slamming door and the distinctive sound of locking Leo's car. He sprinkled his face with cold water, tried to sketch a smile on his pale face and, still nauseated, he prepared to welcome his brother.

Leo smiled and, returning the smiling humor, Rick welcomed him.

"Hello Leo, how was that the preparations for the party? There must have been a lot to do, you left a long time and I was worried,” he said, his voice heavy with care.

Raph hesitated a moment, he began again with conviction: "I missed you."

Leo flushed at this. “Yes, Mikey has outdone himself this year and I have the arms numb from holding and hanging garlands.”

Leo hesitated likewise, then concluded, “You know, It's not too late to find you a suit. You can come with me.”

Embarrassed, Raphael quickly answered that he would see. Before the disappointment was too clearly on his face, Raph turned Leo's ideas away by pulling him against him. He took him in his arms and after inhaling a puff of the still pleasant smell of his brother, he kissed his head while stroking his back and gently repeated: “I missed you.”

Leo raised his head to say something but with a slight kiss, Raph cut him off. Then, stepping back, still staring straight into Leonardo's eyes, he whispered, “I'm ready.”

Leo's gaze was perplexed for a few moments, then recognition appeared briefly, but his body stiffened. He wasn’t sure what Raph meant by his words.

“What do you mean? Ready to what?”

“I want you… can you…”

Raph was unable to say the rest. Something too raw would bristle his sensitive brother. Finally, he tells the truth, but by circumlocution.

“I'm ready, you can use my body to make you feel better.”

Leo blushed and it made him so cute, that Raph's anxiety flew away.  
"Are you sure of yourself, Rick? I'm not in a hurry. And, thanks to you, I'm better than I've been in a long time.”

Raph flushed, embarrassed. “I want to do it.”

Leo turned away. “I brought something for dinner. Let's eat, no need to rush things.”

Raph frowned. He didn’t want to argue or wait, suddenly the desire to feel Leo was so powerful that he didn’t want to wait anymore.

“No, I want to feel your warmth, your body, everything, right now!” he protested.

Still blushing, but starting to be lit despite himself, Leo obeyed. He took Raph by the hand and dragged him into the room. Leo nervously asked Raph to undress while he was quickly getting rid of his clothes.

Still holding his excitement so badly, Leo fumbled in the drawer and pulled out his previous purchases. He straddled a Raph whose nervousness sinuously began to rise again. Leo perceived him and kneaded Raphael's pecs.

“Relax. If you change your mind, I'll stop everything.” Then, he leaned down to kiss him and, getting up, looked his lover straight in the eyes:

“Rick, I'll never hurt you. It is a promise.”

A ball of emotion formed in Raphael's throat. He now understood what Leo meant. Leo would not hurt him, as the others had hurt him. With difficulty, even though he believed his words to the depths of his soul, he replied, “I know. I'm not worried.”

Leo's hands still stroked his chest and arms, briefly passing his hands through Raph's brown hair, and kissing him. When he felt Raphael was less restive, he warned it would hurt, for about a minute or two, but he would do his best to ease the pain and if Rick changed his mind, Leo, would respect his choice and would stop everything immediately. Slowly explaining, Leo had Raph's cock in hand and he understood the reason behind Leo’s speech. Raphael's penis was flaccid, his nervousness taking precedence over his excitement.

“Is fine, Rick. You can trust me: if you relax, you will feel almost nothing.”

Raph let himself be carried by Leo's soft and reassuring voice and refused to rethink the horrors seen in the afternoon. He loved Leo and had full confidence in him. What was happening between them was natural and right. Raph gave Leo the most beautiful proof of love he could imagine: himself. He wanted to absorb all the darkness that consumed Leo internally, to share his pain, to communicate his strength. Slowly, Leo spread his partner's muscular thighs further to get his now hard member in his mouth. As his excitement almost reached its zenith, with a discreet finger, Leo began to surround the circle of muscle. Raph tried not to tense. After having collected a little of their two pre-ejaculatory liquids at the end of his fingers, Leo circled his thumb again, but this time it was wet, and more and more concentric. He leaned a little in the center, just disappearing the nail, watching a reaction from his lover to continue. Receiving no opposition, he continued to prepare Raphael. He could not help but think of the few male lovers he had seen. He had never shown them this consideration, lubbing himself to have easier access, simply and improve the sensations for him. He had likewise never given any importance to preliminaries with women. In short, his partners had been only those of a fleeting association and solely based on pleasure. His pleasure. His girlfriends had only been there for practical purposes, helping out at home and being fuckable. Never, had he had a really affectionate gesture towards them, having no desire, while his hand itching always to caress his brothers fine jet black hair. “Leonardo's delicacy, his tongue and fingers that carefully opened his previously inviolate passage, he didn’t deserve them, not this brutish Neanderthal.

The burning sensation intensified, but since it remained very bearable, he didn’t move. As a mutant, Raph had already received a kama shot that had split his breastplate. Two fingers wouldn't shake him. Moreover, despite all that it could cost him, Raph was resolved to do it. All his youth, he had only given a hard time to Leo who had tried to be patient. He had never wanted, for some obscure reason, to surrender to Leo, to obey him. Was it because deep down he was afraid of finding too much pleasure in following his orders? This was of little importance, he loved his brother in every way possible. And, sexual submission brings the appeasement necessary to lead a normal life and have great sex, he will. It doesn't matter who would be the future beneficiary of their sex life. Leo, after those horrors, his sacrifice… deserved everything. Raph had little to offer. He hoped it would be enough for his brother to understand that he loved him.

His thoughts were hijacked by Leo, asking him if he was ready. After Raph’s sign, Leo flipped open the lube bottle and the "pop" sounded like a cannon shot with Raphael's exacerbated senses.

While leaning with one hand and continuing the movements of his wrist on the other, Leo in a low voice, but made hoarse by desire, continued to reassure him and he would wait at each step for the sign from his partner to continue.

Raph was brutally ripped apart and tried desperately to hide his pain. Leo did not move, studying his expression. When the pain was a slight discomfort, Leo pushed further, leaving a minute each time for Raph to adjust and continued his caresses on Raphael’s sex.

When he was pushed to the hilt for nearly two minutes, a feeling of well-being pervades Raphael. It felt like a shoot and he eagerly ordered Leonardo to move. The first movements were slow but, to Raphael, also profound. Raphael felt his toes curl and he knew only one thing: he wanted more.

Following Raph's encouragement, Leonardo accelerated the pace and Raph screamed his satisfaction. He was very conscious of not acting manly at all, but he didn’t care. At the moment, he would have been ready to wear a bra if Leo had made this condition for him to continue. He didn’t know what sensation he wanted to feel any more, wanting to go up the pool to meet Leo's wrist and also wanting to pull him, to bring even deeper the inflated member of his lover. He had never felt anything so euphoric, all his senses were filled with so much. Leonardo's moans, his breath, and what sounded like Japanese lit him inside to the point that he could have enjoyed this stimulation alone. Unfortunately, he had no idea what Leo told him, being a poor student. The view was also a treat. Sweat beaded on Leo's arched body, which gleamed in the semi-darkness lavished by the candles. Physical exertion affirmed the cut of his muscles, revealing all the perfection of his body. His damp hair clung to his face, making him look more wild than usual, contrasting with the redness of his usually pale cheeks, and his eyes, bright at last with life and pleasure, radiated with intense fire, and Raphael felt himself felt himself burn from the ebb and sway of his lover. It was the most beautiful vision he had ever seen.

Leo leaned closer, becoming bolder, feeling Raph receptive, and grabbed his legs he took a little more rhythm. Drops of sweat matted black hair on his face and he thought it was the sexiest thing in the world. His smell, his voice when he whispered words in Japanese, just for him. It was mesmerizing. Then suddenly he began to lick and nibble his ear lobes and Raph abandoned any idea of winning or any attempt to dam the razor of his tide.

Leo bit his lips while Raph was in his hands, face expressing all the pleasure he’d had. In concert, Raphael, who had lost his head completely during ejaculation, didn’t know if the obscenities and swearing he had thought during this apocalyptic orgasm had really come out of his mouth and shocked his big brother.

Leo left the now softened phallus to rest, but continued his pace and, to his immense amazement, Raph felt himself harden after a few minutes.

“You are not close...?”

“Oh! You want me to stop?” Leo asked with solicitude.

“No, but it's been almost an hour…” Raph found it troubling that Leo hadn’t come, feeling self-conscious.

“The secret’s in meditation. Better than any chemical pill. I have done so all my life, at least fifteen hours a week. It's crazy what it can accomplish on the mind. You can get away from anything. I wanted to give you pleasure in exchange for the favor you gave me," Leo continued earnestly.

Damn, if Raph had known that mediation could do that kind of thing, he might have spent more time in the lotus position and learning Japanese instead of getting drunk with Casey!

“No, Leo. Take something for yourself, whatever you want! Go ahead, give me everything you can give me. I want to take all this anger, this distress that you accumulate.”

"No," murmured Leo, "I am not a person who takes revenge anymore. I won't let my bad feelings hurt you. Look at me.”

Raph obeyed, curious. Leo kept eye contact and, after a few kidney shots in turn, came.

He then fell, exhausted, on Raph's chest. He wrapped him in his arms and kissed him on his wet hair.

“Thank you…” Leo whispered.

“Fearless, don't thank me I didn’t do it only for you, you know.”

Leo gave him a sleepy smile. “I think I'm going to sleep a little bit. Mikey in organizer mode is the worst dictator and made me work like a slave. I'm tired. It does not bother you?”

“Nah!” Raph protested. “Go ahead. Maybe I will take the opportunity to take a nap.”

Comfortably seated on Raphs vast chest, Leo fell asleep quickly. When he was certain that his brother was sleeping and that he was not risking anything, he finally told him the words that kept spinning in his head and that he was going to smother him if he did not verbalize them there, now:

“I love you.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Readers of mine, I need you! Neat Tea offered me to do new commissions from my stories (like a cover), but I have no damn idea of what I should ask. What do you want to see in her style? It could be any story from me, but please, nothing too much explicit, let keep this sensual, at the most! We want to hear your suggestion/request!


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